SHIRLEY MAYA TAN'S TRAVEL DIARIES

W BALI PART TWO ...

2011-12-21T21:53:00.003+08:00

The WOW Experience continues at W Bali Retreat & Spa in Seminyak....

Time: 9:55pm

Place: W BALI, Seminyak

I still haven't left the hotel since I checked-in yesterday .
I have just been chilling out around the resort and soaking up the sun in my private pool villa.
Still, I managed to finish a book before sunset today.

Oh, before I forget totally - they gave me a "welcome treat" when I got into the villa.
Viola -

A SWEET SIMPLE WELCOME!

How did they even know that I love cupcakes?!
Good homework, W folks!
The cupcake sitting outside the box is actually a candle. Such a delicious scent too.
And the box itself is made of glass.
Inside - sits two lovely blueberry muffin cupcakes. I was so grateful that the icing is not the hard royal icing, but soft and not sweet at all. Of course, I licked every bit of it! Love the M & Ms too!

Bamboo Bird Cage Cubicle

I had breakfast at the "Starfish Bloo" restaurant.
Apparently, those staying at the Villas have their breakfasts here. And the rest will be having their brekkie in the "Fire" Restaurant. I shall check out "Fire" tomorrow morning, because Villa residents do have a choice and can exercise that choice. Such priviledge, ain't it? Right....

Honestly, I was not too impressed with their selection at Starfish Bloo's Buffet Breakfast. It is extensive but not as creative as the W Koh Samui's breakfast spread. Still, a sign that times are changing is that they serve Korean, Japanese and Chinese selection in their breakfast buffet. Yes, there are many Chinese from the Mainland and Koreans staying here with their families and kids.

As for me, I ordered my fave breakfast dish - Eggs Benedict. Kindly do take note, however, the Starfish Bloo does have a wonderful menu for lunch and dinner. So, you must try it during your stay here. Chef Jack Yoss does serious flirting with his version of Pan Asian cuisine. You can even see him at work in the open kitchen.

After breakfast, it was exploration time.

The Main Pool

The Beach Bale comes with a Kiss Pillow

The Pool area cascades into a few levels.

I must say the beach in Bali can't be compared to Maldives. But Bali has the unique culture that no other place has.

So, every city or country and island have their own specialty or beauty.

One of the main reasons why I love to travel since young - I get to see so much more and learn what lies beyond my own very small world. It is always interesting and wonderful. I am always enriched beyond words by each experience.

Thankfully, the weather was kind to us today. It was sunny and breezy. The perfect combo.

From the pool, you can proceed right onto the beach or to WooBar.

This is a very funky bar that has a basement seating. It turns into a club-like atmosphere in the basement at night. And it has to be said that Woobar has split personalities. Why I say that? In the daytime, it looks completely harmless. It even houses an extremely large ceiling fan. I think they should call the Guinness World of Records.

World's Biggest Fan in a bar?

BUT at night, Woobar turns into a "femme fatale" and she lights up in various colours. No, I shall not post any pics of it here because it will not do this bar any justice. Truth is, I forgot to pack my camera - yea, the real one. Hence, all the pics here are taken by my BB. So, you just have to come here and experience Woobar for yourself. Let me give you one more reason to come to Woobar - during HAPPY HOURS - you get the "Buy 1 and get free 1" drinks!

The Giant Mirror

The Lobby Lounge

The Lobby area is as fun as entering the rabbit's hole and into Alice's Wonderland.

You have Giant Mirrors, rocking chairs and lounge chairs of all different shapes and sizes. But they all are in keeping with the same colour schemes.

What I love the most about the lobby?

Well, the whole main building is circular in shape. I guess, this allow all the rooms to have the unobstructed view of the beach/ocean. They have placed these wonderful day beds that faces the pool and ocean. You can chill out here, read a book, order a cocktail and watch the sunset. It is indeed a gorgeous view. Needless to say, this is what I love the most about the lobby...this and that lobby bar that glows in various colours.

The BAR "AGLOW"

You have to try the Vanilla Bellini here. It is quite refreshing indeed. Of course, the best Bellinis I ever had was at Harry Cirpriani's in New York City. But that is another story altogether. Hehe

From the Bar, you can go down the "Hall of Drapes". Well, I call it that because the breeze blows the curtains so beautifully along this hallway. And it will lead you down to the Stafish Bloo restaurant. This restaurant does serve good lunches and dinners. There, I said it again.

The "Hall of Drapes"

Did you notice the designs on the ceilings? And then, did you notice the two ladies - one dressed in yellow and one in red? They are a part of a trio. I think they must be sisters - all dressed in the same outfit but just in different colours. Ms. Blue was missing in this pic. But I think they are just too cute to miss. And they are all very pretty too.

Oh, you'll like chilling out on the day beds at the lobby lounge...so much to see. Various people of different nationalities and their sense of resort wear or cruise attire. Hehe..it's a lot of eye candy and comedy in one place. Ok, moving along...

On the other side of the "Hall of Drapes", you'll enter the "Hall of Retail Therapy". Yes, I call it that. Because this is where all the resort's shops are housed.

Btw, the label "Farah Khan" has a gorgeous boutique here. You have to visit it, even if you don't buy anything, but just to see it. No, no pics here. You'll just have to come and see for yourself.

As you pass the retail shops, there are very these large windows that allow us to look down into the "Fire" restaurant. Don't you just love the dining table piece and that very interesting chandelier? It looks so pretty at night too.

The Fire Restaurant

I just love high ceilings, period.

Now, beyond the main lobby check-in area, you'll find the SWEAT and the AWAY spa nicely tucked into their respective corners. SWEAT as its name suggests, is actually the resort's gym. It is open 24 hours. Just like their spa. I love anything that opens 24 hours - especially gyms and spas. It means that we can always come back at any hour after being thoroughly intoxicated and stuffed with amazing feasts to burn out the calories. And afterwards, we can get detoxified at the spa! HAHA

AWAY SPA'S ENTRANCE

Anything that has the words, "WHAT'S YOUR WISH" engraved into the entrance will definitely catch my attention for about a good 2 minutes, at least. I have decided to leave this area un-photographed because I do not think the decor is anything to shout about. It is modern, minimal and chic. But they do put a lot of effort in the little touches. The path into the spa area is flanked by waters. In these ponds, you'll find some coloured pebbles thrown into the midst. Some have words such as "laugh", "live", "love", "relax" and etc. It is indeed a cute, lovely touch.

Outside in the porte cochere, you'll find bikes to rent during your stay in the resort. However, these little purple babies below are not for rent. They are strictly for the staff, which W Bali refers to as their "Talent". But they did allow me to take a pic though ;)

Purple Scooters, anyone?

I adore scooters. And purple ones are just too adorable for words!

I suppose it would be hard to kidnap one of them into the trunk of my van and pack it home.

In any case, I trotted off to the lounge area and found a day bed with my name on it. Just in time for the sun to set.

Today was indeed a wonderfully relaxing day. They even put on the fire to enhance the sunset scene. How picturesque!

The W BALI SUNSET (as taken from my day bed)

Well, everything wonderful (or bad, for that matter) must come to an end.

It's all temporary.

We all enjoy it while we can.

Even this lovely day, filled with delicious breeze and sunshine, has come to an end.

And soon, my stay at the W BALI will also fade into a memory.

Tomorrow, I shall be checking out and moving into a friend's personal villa in Sanur.
My Bali adventure will continue until 26th December and then, after which, I shall be heading to Hong Kong.

Impermanence is our way of life.

Experiencing the WOW Factor at W BALI - Part One

2011-12-21T00:10:00.002+08:00

WOW has a new standard, ladies and gentlemen...

Time: 10:47pm

Place: W Bali Retreat & Spa, Seminyak

Choice of slumber: Pool Villa

W Bali Retreat and Spa in Seminyak is a new "resort player" in the island of Gods. And as they say, the Gods are in the details. I must say that is what W Bali did very well. Small little touches here and there, and when we add them all together, we get a perfect blend of under-stated contemporary chic.

For starters, I love the theme colours of the villa - soft green, with splashes of purple against the backdrop of beige and cream. Now, I am so inspired...I may seriously consider adding green to my own home interiors when I get back.

It is definitely generously spaced and well designed. But then again, I have always thought that all Ws have an intelligent sense of spatial usage and design. The only bummer is that some of the fixtures they installed may not work as well as we, the tempo residents, would prefer. Most of the fixtures are obviously chosen because they look so darn good just sitting there. Sometimes form precedes function.

Back to W Bali...

All guests are segregated upon check-in.
Those who stay in rooms or suites check-in at the main hotel lobby.
While those who stay in the villas have a "special dedicated" check-in area.
Believe me when I say that there is nothing absolutely that fancy about being ushered into the "special dedicated" villa check-in area. It's not like they offered me any welcome drink or cold towel like they did in W Resort in Koh Samui. Perhaps W Bali learnt that I got very special promo rates for my villa and so, I get no added 'perks'. May be. haha

In any case, I was very much soothed when I arrived at my villa. Yes, like W Koh Samui, we get driven to our villas by the buggy. And guess what? My villa no. is the same my age, considering that my birthday just passed! Time to buy me some lottery tickets! :)

Now, allow me to welcome you into the W Bali's One Bedroom Pool Villa...

The Villa Entrance

I truly appreciate the pebbled stoned pathway and the mature flowering trees that greet an entrance. They add such warmth to the space.

The Bale or Pavilion

Upon entering the villa, on your left, you'll see your personal bale. In another words, your very own chill-out pavilion. It's all decked out with moroccan-like glass lamps, creatively designed cushions and pillows, and even an electric fan to cool you down on hot summer days. The bale or pavilion comes with drapes which you can close off for more personal privacy. But this being your very own pool villa, it is as private as you can get. One can even sun tan in the buff here!

I thoroughly enjoyed lounging out in the bale, reading and sipping a nice cool drink.

The Bale

And in the evening, you can even light a mosquito incense in that green porcelain canister. Notice the green snake like cushions behind the throw cushions? How's that for added creativity? But what really impressed me were the little details they put in - like the beaded tie-backs for the drapes in the bale.

The Divine Details

Small touches and little details do make the BIGGEST difference in every living space and even in personal appearances. This is how we distinguish style, class and elegance from the mindless masses who just follow what the trend-setters have done and paraded last season.

Now, onto my very favourite part of every living space...

Can you guess what it is?

It is the first place I check every time I enter a restaurant or hotel room or a villa. In fact, this is the space that I am most anal about.

BATHROOM!

Yes, I am beyond anal about bathrooms!

Bathrooms are very important to me and so, how they are presented, designed and decorated are all very precious to me.

Yes, I am sure many are surprised that the bathrooms precede the bedroom areas with me. The place of soul-searching soothing and relaxation, even pampering happens in the bathroom. Never the bedroom. The bedroom is reserved for more "acrobatic" and vigorous activities, apart from sleeping. Hence, the bathroom is the temple of the house - for me, that is. And thankfully, W Bali's bathroom in the villa is all decked out in terrazzo. Another of my fave ingredient for bathroom design essentials! ;)

A BATH WITH A VIEW

Nothing beats a bath with a view!
Imagine having a nice warm bath to cleanse away a tiring day. Add essential oils, candles, your favourite music and something extra like a glass of champagne or wine for added personal pampering! Soon, you'll agree with me that one's bathroom is truly one's personal temple. Perhaps, one of the spaces that you can truly have all to yourself these days - especially, if you are married with kids. Know what I mean?

Little Touches that enhance a bath

I love the small additions that they have added to the bath at W Bali. They have used an old oar as the bath tray. And even threw in the pet toys. Obviously, they wanted to be different than Koh Samui which gave black rubber duckies. Here, they gave the bath a family of froggies and some bath salts. The purple container you see here is filled with candles. How thoughtful! They must have heard about my bath rituals ;p

The colourful acrylic cards are NOT menus for the bath, but for BBQ. Odd, very odd, I know. Haven't quite figured that one out yet....what were they thinking?????

Send in the Back Up!

The above is too cute to go un-noticed by me!
Pretty lilac fabric bag to hold the extra toilet roll. Now, that's what I call a classy back up plan! Hehe

The WASH area

Pretty Decor for the Toilet

I told you that they were BIG on small details!
Who would have thought to put any decor pieces in the toilet? Most villas leave that area without any decorative items.
Personally, I truly appreciate the two toned ottoman seats. Well, I just value anything that enhances the bathroom and its usage.
At W Bali, they provide you with ample toiletries. You wouldn't even need to pack your own, apart from your beauty products, that is.
Everyone loves their Lemon & Sage Collection - from Shampoo, Conditioner, Shower Gel, Soaps to Body Butter. They are not stingy in providing you with them. And they come in big bottles, unlike the tiny replicas we find in most hotels. Here, they gladly refill for you every day. I guess that also explains why they charge so much for a villa.

The Study Area

Now, this is where I am at now....in my jammies, typing away. I love it that they installed electronically controlled blinds. And all windows have a view! Here, we have the iron cast glass windows that looks at the pretty wall of orchids. Well, some have yet to blossom. But that's all right. Even as it is, it is rather Zen.

Tomorrow, I shall have more to share. Believe it or not, I have not seen the rest of the resort as yet. I arrived very late today. I didn't want to do the morning rush and take the first flight out here. So, I only managed to check in at around 5pm. Traffic is very bad in Bali these days. Especially with the rain.

Hence, I stayed in and made full use of a magic button called, "Whenever/Whatever".

I suggest that you fully and thoroughly utilise this button. After all, it was all accounted for in the rate of your villa.

I had them provide me with whatever I most preferred. Extra lotion, for one. Ya, I had put on some weight since the Japan trip. I need more coverage now. Don't even ask how much! Growl, Snarl, Hiss, Sob! Sob! Sob!

Also, I had them change all my tea selection to just the way I like it - only green tea. So, please feel free to use that button as they aim to fulfill your every wish.

So, I stayed in and ordered in. The in-villa dining was not bad at all. Had the Wagyu Beef Burger with an extra side of steam veggies. Well, that balances off things for me. For tonight anyways.

So, for now, I bid you all a very good night and the sweetest dreams. Tomorrow, there shall be more stories. THE W BED beckons with its furry pillows....

Le Bed

Selamat Malam - as they say in Indonesian.

The VISION and The DEMISE

2011-10-19T08:08:00.002+08:00

"People see only what they are prepared to see."

We all see only what we are prepared to see.

Beyond that, no one and nothing can convince us otherwise.

They can tell us and point it out to us, and we can squint our eyes very hard to look but we may not see anything.

Hence, looking and seeing are two very different things.

As Henry David Thoreau puts it -

"The question is not what you look at, but what you see."

And what happens when the very things you thought you saw, knew, understood and held dear - all of those things which you have carefully built and placed your faith in - begin to fall apart? Or worse, the vision you had held onto, believed in and had your faith engraved on it begin to unravel?

What then?

What happens to the Visionary whose vision is no longer valid and is on its way to become irrelevant or extinct?

Will the Visionary perish with the vision?

In these interesting times, change is inevitable.

Impermanence is the way of life.

Even if we do not want to change, situations and the environment will force it upon us. We can't hold onto everything and everyone for as long as we like to hang onto them.

This also applies to our vision - be it in life, love or in business.

Our visions would and should change over time - as we all have changed over time and will continue to do so. We have experienced many different things, we learn, we grow and we keep evolving.

Through the years, we have viewed life differently as I am sure life has viewed us differently as well, and will continue to do so.

In order to survive and enjoy the journey of life, we do have to allow our vision to change and grow with us. Otherwise, we will end feeling very lost.

I guess, the real demise here would be our attachment to the old cherished vision - which may very well have worked for us in the past and carried us through to this day, but it may no longer be relevant in our present and future. This is something we have to face, realize and accept - at our own time and pace, naturally.

" We can undertake only what we are ready and prepared for."

Without first being ready and prepared, we are definitely setting ourselves up for failure. Or rather, the higher risk of failure.

Our individual transformation maps out our external transformation, much like the visionary who will evolve his or her vision in business, life or love.

The death of our old vision should not be the death of us.

The visionary must survive and continue to evolve and transform.

Whether we need to leave, take a break, change the game or playing field, change our views, we need to do something - anything at all - just as long as we do not stand still and burn into extinction with our old vision.

The journey does not end when the vision dies.

Because all visions were/are created by the visionary, the individual.

As we have created past visions, we can also create new ones. A new vision that is relevant to the world and time we live in, in sync with the person we are now, and to accommodate the visionary we will transform into for all our tomorrows.

It is not easy - but then again, all good things never came to us with ease and convenience, have they?

This is where I have arrived.

My current state of displacement - crying my farewells to an old dream and vision, while trying to build a new one for myself.

What I am really done with here is the guilt.

I no longer wish to be made to feel guilty just because I continue to want things for myself, or to wish to go out and have some fun, or to be with someone. I do not wish to be given a long lecture about how selfish I am just because I choose something for myself and not for others.

Yes, I am over with the guilt.

I have fallen from one extreme to another in the past. Being pushed to one thing or another, be it willingly or by mere obligation, or by the strength of the current. Constantly, trying to please someone or help someone else. Then feeling guilty when I have failed to meet the mark or just don't fit in. In the end, I have run myself into exhaustion. When fatigue consumed me, it left me paralysed with a great deal of negative emotions.

Of course, all the above is self-inflicted - as they always are. Ultimately, no one can hurt us as much as we hurt ourselves.

These are indeed very interesting times we live in.

Here, we all have the chance to find out who we really are and what we are made of.

LIFE = IMAGINATION + PASSION + TRANSFORMATION + EVOLUTION

MAY THE JOURNEY CONTINUE, YOURS AND MINE....

BON VOYAGE!

THE NEW LEAF

2011-06-29T02:21:00.001+08:00

Turning over a new leaf is a term many of us are familiar with. But how do you turn over a new leaf when you don't even know yourself well and true?

I guess this is why they say it is a journey that never ends.

We just keep discovering, learning, growing and evolving.

May be that is a good thing.

After all, if nothing stays the same and everything changes, how can we be using the old ideas or solutions and expect to resolve current problems or challenges with them.

We have experienced both good and bad times, even nightmares. And we probably will experience much more as we go along. There will be darkest of nights and the brightest of days. We can't hold onto any great moments of our lives, even if we tried.

BUT there are some things that will not change and may be, should not change - no matter what happens. And these are our values and virtues - our strengths, our courage, determination, resilience and etc.

I have come to realise that humankind is definitely made to be destroyed, because we are so vulnerable and fragile. In addition, we also have an expiry date. Although we may not know when that will happen. So, it is inevitable that we will be destroyed in the end. However, we need not be defeated in the whole process.

To be defeated is our choice and lies in our attitude of the mind. We may not be able to control the time of our eventual destruction, but we can definitely control how we will not be defeated while we are still alive and breathing.

As Ernest Hemingway puts it so beautifully, "A man can be destroyed but not defeated."

From here on, I choose life.

Hence, I shall not give in and be defeated.

This is the new leaf I shall turn over. A non-defeatist attitude of mind and spirit.

When Darkness Falls

2011-06-15T20:21:00.005+08:00

"Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V"

V stands for Virginia Woolf.

The above is written by Virginia Woolf. It was to become her last written words - her suicide note to her husband.

On 28th March 1941, Virginia put on her overcoat and filled the pockets with stones.

Then she walked to River Ouse which was near her home and drowned herself.

Virginia's body was not found until 18th April 1941.

It was probably something like this -

The above are the opening scenes to the movie: "THE HOURS". The movie had a powerful cast of amazing women: Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman and Julianne Moore. It remains one of my most favourite movies of all time. In "THE HOURS", Nicole Kidman delivered her most memorable role as "Virginia Woolf" and won the Best Actress Academy Award.

Virginia Woolf was not an easy woman to understand, and was an even more difficult woman to live with. To give you some idea of what it she was like, here is an excerpt from http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/vwoolf.htm

Woolf's mood swings, depression, physical ailments, headaches, and other symptoms are in current phychiatric parlance considered "psychosomatic", which include the so-called neurasthenic syndromes. Much of her writing reflected her inner conflicts. Woolf developed innovative literary techniques in order to reveal women's experience and find an alternative to the dominating views of reality. In her essay 'Mr. Bennett and Mrs. Brown' Woolf argued that John Galsworthy, H.G. Wells and other realistic English novelist dealt in surfaces but to get underneath these surfaces one must use less restricted presentation of life, and such devices as stream of consciousness and interior monologue and abandon linear narrative. Marital disappointments and frustrations she often dealt ironically. In To the Lighthouse Woolf wrote: "So that is marriage, Lily thought, a man and a woman looking at a girl throwing a ball."

She was indeed a very tormented woman, despite how talented she was.

Virginia had insisted that she was always alone in her suffering. That no matter how much her husband and friends cared about her, none of them could join her in her torment. None of them could save her. It was all in her mind and she alone could only save her.

The sad truth is, no matter how much we are loved and adored by others, none of that can compensate for the hole inside us.

In the quietness of our mind

We are all alone with the noises.

We never allow the pain to leave us

Even as we grow into adulthood

We do not let our suffering go

Only happy to revive the misery

Repeatedly in our mind

We still have to face the hours

All alone...

This is the real maddening suffering that we inflict upon ourselves every day.

Compressed, compounded by the various memories of our past, our childhood, not moving past those moments. Each person we meet, every situation we get ourselves into, and if any of it even remotely reminds us of our pains, our sufferings, we are immediately transported back to that very spot or that very moment where it all began. And then, everything else start to culminate within us, like an uncontrollable wave - carrying all sorts of emotions and memories, churning into a vortex. Then it happens, we become overwhelmed. It is no longer about the matter at hand anymore, nor the person standing infront of us - it is everything that has led to this moment because we are still hanging onto every shred of painful memory - unwilling and unable to let them go.

It is funny how we allow our pains and suffering to mould us and define us more than our virtues, strengths and hopes.

This is why they say, HELL IS A STATE OF MIND AND NOT A PLACE.

When darkness falls, we can choose to allow the darkness to engulf us or choose to swim the surface. But we cannot rise above when we are unwilling to face the truth. Yes, sometimes it is scary and painful to face the truth, whatever it may be. But do we truly want to remain as prisoners of our own pain for the rest of our lives? Do we want to carry these baggages of insufferable torment like they are glorious trophies? Are we only eulogized by our suffering?

Sad to say, some people will never go past their misery and affliction. Because some people actually think and believe that without their suffering, they are nothing.

These people believe that their suffering becomes them. As if without the anguish, they would become non-existent or even worthless.

As much as HELL is a state of mind, the same applies for HEAVEN or HAPPINESS.

And that is what I keep telling myself and my friends who seem to be drowning in their sea of pain. I once swam in that very same sea too. But even as a former dweller of that sea, I still could not pull them out of that familiar horrid water. Then I realised, having been in that ocean of suffering does not make me a capable saviour or helper. Just because I have been there and done similar things, do not make me better equipped to help anyone. Having courage alone, without real knowledge is useless. Having knowledge and experience but without compassion is also hopeless.

Just because we know the ways to help, may not mean we care to help. It certainly does not mean that we would be willing to dive that deep into the darkness in order to save another.

Likewise, wanting to help and caring to help without having the wisdom of the right methods is also a suicide mission. Because we do not know the best ways to help, we might end up causing more harm than good if we jump into the depths. We may end up killing the person we want to help and ourselves in the process.

In Buddhism, we stress the importance of having both the compassion and wisdom in union. One cannot exist without the other. Now, I am beginning to understand why.

Without wisdom, we cannot determine which is the most beneficial method to employ in helping someone and what's the dosage in applying the medication. Hence, our methods could be wrong and is not tailored according to that being in question. It is like a doctor who mis-diagnose a patient.

Without compassion, we will not care to help any being even though we may possess the knowledge and expertise. We will not go the extra mile or beyond our comfort zones. We will hesitate when we stand at the edge of the cliff and stare into the depths. We will not be moved to aid anyone without agenda, willingly and happily.

Sylvia Plath
Ernest Hemingway
Anne Sexton
Elise Cowen
Yukio Mishima
Hunter S. Thompson
Jean Amery
Iris Chang
Kurt Cobain
Vincent van Gogh
Alexander McQueen
Leslie Cheung

The names above are very talented people who have left our world by taking their own lives. And it is scary how very long this list runs. The names above are all people with a great deal of talent and some have led very wealthy or luxurious lives.

At the end of the day, nothing external can compensate for all that is missing or lacking internally.

Yes, we are a frail and vulnerable species in many ways.

But we always have a choice.

We can find strength in our own frailty and vulnerability.

We can choose NOT TO GIVE UP even if we fall many times.

In falling down and getting up, we become stronger.

In admitting our own mistakes, facing our own failures and flaws, we grow within.

Above all, understand that darkness is a moment in time. As there is darkness, there is also light. Night will turn into day and vice versa.

It is a cycle of life. There is no need to be afraid of the dark when you realise that you can be your own source of light.

Learn to cultivate the light within. Then we will never be afraid of darkness ever again, no matter where we go.

For me, I have chosen Buddhism. Because this is the path and method that suit me best. I believe in it and it has helped me so much to this day.

What will be your choice of light force is entirely up to you. Just as long as you don't choose to stay in those murky muddy waters, allowing the darkness to pull you down and drown you.

Become your own saviour.

Yes, you can.

Today's version of yourself is better than yesterday's version of you. And know that tomorrow version of you will be better than today when you do not quit.

SURRENDER CAN BE GOOD

2011-06-04T21:38:00.004+08:00

In Shakespeare's Macbeth - we see what happens to a man when his ambition becomes his obsession. It led to his damnation. Macbeth is one of the great 7 tragedies from Shakespeare. It is one of my favourite because it deals with one of the darkest afflictions of humanity - attachment.

Our attachments are no different than Macbeth's self-serving ambition. Whatever it is that we are attached to becomes our obsession. Different obsessions plague us in varying degrees. As long as we are governed by our attachments, we will never know the true meaning of freedom.

How can we be truly free when we reside within the prisons of our attachments?

And who would know better than we, ourselves - what we are really attached to and how these attachments have led us down paths we truly regret, or the madness that goes inside our minds when we do not get what we want, etc. So, to exemplify - it is not the object that we we abstain from or renounce. It is our attachment to that object. How we react when we don't have it, what we do without it?

Many people have the misconception that all Buddhists do is renounce and renounce. Hence, a lot of people assume that we, Buddhists, can't possibly live our lives to the fullest or even enjoy our lives in any way. Honestly, it is really not about renouncing life. It is about renouncing our very bad habits, attachments, fears and insecurities. There is a BIG difference.

Don't just recoil because you see words like renunciation, abstinence and surrender. Understand what these words really mean and what they entail. So, in Buddhism, we may use huge words like renunciation, but the real renunciation comes from us breaking ourselves away from our attachments.

As I learn more about Buddhism and renunciation, it invites me to look deeper into myself and discover what is it that I am really attached to. Freedom is not being happy only when we have what we want or just wanting and needing. Freedom is feeling happy and at peace, even when we don't have and we don't need to want.

Please read more about what Tsem Rinpoche explains about our attachments in here.

One of my biggest attachments revolve around yearning for approval, fame or recognition. This has led to me to do many things which I have come to regret. Most of the things I did were not things I really wanted to do. Hence, in the end, I never felt any sense of accomplishment or found any fulfillment in them. Most of the time, I'd abandon a project or task half way because I really found no meaning in them. This is just one of the many reasons as to why I have not done much in my life, and did not work for anything in my life. There are other reasons attributing to my complete lack of material success, but this is one of them.

In the end, I realised that the only true fulfillment I received all came from doing spiritual work. Or any spiritual related work. I am not saying that this is the right path for everyone. I am only sharing my experience and discovery.

Here, I'd like to share an advice which Tsem Rinpoche gave me -

And Shirley, if you have accomplished nothing in the material world at all for whatever reasons, let it be, accomplish everything in the spiritual world. It's not an escape or to make up or to gain face, but it's the only thing THAT REALLY MATTERS WHETHER PEOPLE ACCEPT THIS OR NOT.

I found my deepest gratification and meaning in doing spiritual work. Truly, I have and do. Nothing comes to close to it. Everything suddenly made sense whenever I do spiritual related work. And there are going to be people and friends who will never understand or accept. And I do not expect them to either. Each of us view success differently. Each of us have different definitions of success.

I equate mine with spirituality.

There are many people who take the road less travelled and do things just very differently. Some find joy and purpose in creating a FB page on a cause or become an activist. Some find immense gratification in marrying the richest guy who will have them and settle into a life of leisure, luxury and comfort. Others may find most enjoyment out of saving animals or promoting good healthy living.

There are many different types of individuals in our world and we are all motivated by different things. I know some people who wouldn't mind giving up their entire lives to save the poor and those less fortunate like Tony Meloto and Mother Teresa. Yet there are people who would only be satisfied if they have the car, big house, wife and kids.

There is no wrong or right.

As a parent, I would like to believe that we help our children to grow and find their own place in this world. We would not expect them to live our lives or our notion of what life should be. We can offer advice and guide, but we cannot shelter them from the mistakes they need to make in order to grow and become better.

Everyone's learning curve is also as unique. Just as everyone's pace and time to blossom and bloom are also very personal.

And if we do want to help someone or even our children, we should remember that we are helping them to become who they are meant to be, not what we think they should be. Many parents fail to see this. If we support someone or our children, support in a way that they continue to become the best of who they are meant to be - even if this may be very different from your idea of success and accomplishment. Otherwise, do not offer to help, give or support. Because if we hold any form of expectations, then we are offering to help with strings attached and with conditions. Then, this form of help and support cannot be real.

I think the above applies to everyone and every single situation - whether we choose to help or support a friend, a sibling, a family member, an organization or a charity event.

As of now, I have plans to create more causes for my spiritual journey to deepen. I love this message from Tsem Rinpoche below -

So whatever you are doing now, do not look at others on your left or right, you just look straight ahead and do it!

I used to compare and compete.

I used to look everywhere to see where I was at.

I'd like to NOT do these things anymore and just concentrate on what I need to do and do them with the best of my ability. Most importantly, do them with all my heart.

As Tsem Tulku Rinpoche says, "So the vows are not suppose to stop you from enjoying what you like or labelling it negative..It is more the perception of what you like. The vows help you to step back and see the reality of your attachments, likes, dislikes, activities and where they bring you….And keep the music playing please…"

Seriously, I have never been happier and more at peace than I am right now.

It's really because I have found myself and understood what I want from my life. And what I want from my life, extends to all lifetimes.

If you are really a friend or if you really care about my happiness and peace, just be glad for me and rejoice that I am no longer lost and clueless.

That would be so nice and I'd appreciate that very much.

I sincerely thank every single person who has helped me, supported me and especially those, who never gave up on me.

Most importantly, I thank those who took the trouble to understand me even when I could not understand myself.

Thank you from my heart.

May the music of love, care, compassion and understanding always play on.

The Recipe: Broccoli Florets Sauteed with Ginger and Onion

2011-05-25T15:40:00.002+08:00

This is the dish that I cooked from the book: EAT HEALTHY, DAILY

What I love about the recipes in this cookbook is that they are not only healthy simple vegetarian dishes, but they are also medicinal and healing. The recipes in this book are all created by Dr. Jiang, who have spent almost all his life studying and researching traditional chinese medicine through herbs and foods. He is from China.

"Dr. Jiang founded a natural health therapy center to provide natural therapies to enhance health and prevent illness without the use of drugs." (extracted from the book)

And all thanks to H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, the book became a reality to benefit all of us. Rinpoche has always been a firm believer in natural and holistic healing.

"I felt I would like to bring these wonderful, ancient, healing and special recipes to the world at large. I thought that this book would benefit a lot of people who are particular about their taste buds, and who would like meals which are healthy, very easy to make and economical, because none of these dishes are expensive at all." ~ Tsem Rinpoche (extracted from the book)

I must say, before doing the show and reading this book, I have not been one to care about my health and what I eat. My diet was mostly composed of junk food, junk snacks and lots of carbonated drinks. My all time faves were Cherry Coke and Dr. Pepper.

My most staple food was FRENCH FRIES. I used to just live on french fries! Yes, I know. I am walking toxic wasteland, waiting to explode.

So, doing the show, VEG & THE CITY, is definitely a very good thing for me personally, especially in terms of my health.

There are many exciting episodes coming up. So, do stay tuned. Every episode is a learning experience for me. So, I truly hope that it educates as well as entertain our viewers.

Now, here's the recipe -

Please note that all the combinations and amounts in the ingredients are created as such for its healing properties. So, Dr. Jiang does not advise that we modify them IF we are eating for healing and medicinal purposes. If we are just eating to fill our stomachs and stay healthy, then I guess we can go ahead and modify the recipe according to our own preference. Please do look out for any allergic reactions as everyone is different.

In the show, we used the following :-

300g of broccoli cut into individual florets (this was rather tricky for me but I am sure anyone who is accustomed to cooking will not have a problem)

1 medium red onion cut in half and thinly sliced (Is there any way to cut onions without crying? If you do know of a way, please do let me know too!)

2 inch ginger thinly sliced

1 tablespoon of soy sauce

2 tablespoon of vegetable oil

salt to taste with a pinch of brown sugar

So, we wash the broccoli well. Then we blanch in it boiling water for 1 minute. The colour of the broccoli will change to a brighter green. This is true! It did as you saw in the show. Then we drain the broccoli of the hot boiling water and immediately place it in a bowl of cold water. We drain it and set aside.

Then we heat the oil in the pan. Make sure that the oil is sufficiently heated up first. Then we proceed to saute the ginger and onion till its all fragrant and nice. Then, we add the soy sauce. We stir fry for a bit and we add the broccoli.

Stir briskly to mix all the ingredients well and thoroughly. Add the salt and pinch of sugar to taste. And it's done. Ready to be served and eaten! My favourite part - the eating!

There are many health benefits that broccoli provides. As I have mentioned some of them in the show. In the cookbook, there is a chart that spells out all the goodness and nutritional benefits of each vegetable and ingredient. I love that chart! It's so informative and useful.

What's even better - it also informs us of the side effects, if any. Like cooking at high temperatures will destroy much of the nutritional value in broccoli. That's why its recommended that we blanch and stir fry briskly. Not too long. In fact, eating raw is really best. Sorry, I can't pull that one off. I can probably eat raw carrots, cucumber and tomatoes, may be some lettuce - but that's it! Well, if it was absolutely necessary, may be I shall be persuaded. But for now, I'll stick to blanching and stir frying.

I really recommend the cookbook. It's only RM20! Very, very cheap. Especially when we consider its healing benefits. So, when you get the book, we can cook together and share more of our cooking experiences together.

Do drop us a note to share your favourite vegetarian recipes and your own vegetarian journey. We would love to hear from you! We appreciate any comments that helps us to improve the show further.

Until the next episode, I'll leave you with this lovely quote from Tsem Rinpoche.

"I would like everybody to have good health, to be free of pain and medicinal problems and to have a very long life."

VEG & THE CITY - TWO GIRLS AND A COOK BOOK (first episode)

2011-05-23T17:34:00.003+08:00

Can a cookbook really launch a journey?

Well, apparently it can.

In VEG & THE CITY, two girls played by Shin Tan and myself, begin their vegetarian journey with the help of a cookbook. The cookbook is part of a house warming gift from their neighbour, Ms. Jamie Khoo.

The show is an all-new series to promote vegetarianism as a healthy lifestyle that is fun, simple, easy and convenient. The show chronicles our every day life drama as vegetarians in the city of Kuala Lumpur.

In the first episode, I cooked (yes, really cooked) a dish from the cookbook. It's Broccoli sauteed with Onion and Ginger. For more information about the cookbook, EAT HEALTHY DAILY, please click here.

EAT HEALTHY DAILY is not only a vegetarian cookbook, it also provides healing through food. Each recipe has been specially selected for its healing properties.

It is a recipe book of simple vegetarian dishes and more. It is a book of dietary strategies to successfully combat the drawback of modern civilization’s health ills, including cancer, diabetes and obesity. Poor eating habits and too much processed food are hardly conducive to good health. Obesity, as well as diabetes, with attendant problems is on the rise. Cancer, no respecter of status, hits at everyone, rich and poor.

“People sometimes forget to take their medication but they never forget to eat. It’s human nature. We must have our meals every single day. If the food we consume can help prevent illness, then this food is better than any kind of medicine.”

Seriously, if I can cook, anyone can cook. And this is proof that the cookbook is extremely user-friendly and easy to follow.

Hope you all enjoy the show and as we say, "SEE YOU ALL IN THE NEXT EPISODE!"

THE FALL and RISE

2011-05-23T17:16:00.007+08:00

I used to be so naive. I used to think that I was such a nice person and that I was a poor little helpless victim of life.

When things fell apart, I would lock myself in the room and cry for days. I was crying for me. Poor me, sad me, pitiful me, oh, woe is me!

And it went on like this for years. I'd get into bouts of depression because things failed or I was found to have made a big mistake.

Upon closer inspection, I was more sad because I was found out or that the mistake was actually created by me and I was the cause of the problems.

No, I didn't like that one bit.

I had failed to see where I had gone wrong and how I had created the causes for things to fall apart. I was more than willing to assign the blame and responsibility to someone else. It made me feel better to know it was not me, but someone else or something else.

I know it is twisted.

I wanted to be the captain of the ship, but I did not want to be held accountable. I wanted to chart my own destiny, but I did not want to be blamed when things go wrong. And that is just for starters.

The truth is, I have always wanted the glory, the fame and the recognition. I gave, helped and donated because I wanted people to like me and say that I am a nice person. My motivation to do many things were not altogether, pure. It was always stained with some self-serving desire.

For years, I did not even realise this until one day, I got involved with helping in one of Kechara Soup Kitchen's charitable event back in 2008. The real ugly me made its presence felt and known. Not just to one person, but to many people, including my mentor and Guru.

Slowly, but surely, I had allowed a monster to take over all of me. How did it happen? Simple, really. As long as I remained attached to wanting to be liked, recognised and praised for things that I did not accomplish, I was feeding the monster in me. As long as I allowed myself to think only of me and what I wanted at the cost of others, I was fueling the fire of the monster.

Would I say that the monster was the real me? Yes, it was. But the monster was just part of me. It was NOT all of me. However, I had to sum up all my courage to DEFINE THAT - separating a monster inside me from taking over all of me.

In life, we go through all kinds of situations. Sometimes, we screw up big time and we fall. But we do not have to stay there and stay down.

When I was found out, I still fought to look innocent and refused to bear the part of my responsibilities. This was how stubborn and self-serving I was. I was more intent for the blame to fall on others. This is how our self-cherishing ego works all the time.

Because I was more interested in pitying myself and feeling sad for myself, my depression became the key for the monster to grow even bigger than it was already.

By the time I had the courage to look myself in the mirror, I could no longer see myself. Then, I began to doubt who I was really and what kind of person I was deep inside.

Self-piteous depression is a cold sharp knife with an edge at the tip. The edge is deliberately designed as such so that when the knife plunges into your heart, it'll rip it apart while pulling out all your insides, leaving nothing unscathed. Well, that is how it felt like, to me.

I'd spend days and nights feeling sorry for myself and feeling depressed. Paralyzed in that state. What I didn't realise was that my depression had consumed me. And it was leading me down a spiral staircase into the pit of darkness. Without thinking clearly, I gladly followed the steps down. Before I knew it, I was falling.

When we keep bashing ourselves for the wrongs we have done but not spend any time on thinking how to resolve the situation and learn from them, then we will not grow. We will definitely descend further away from our sanity and our spirituality.

Depression is a double edge sword. It can fool us into thinking we are a victim and we continue in our own self-pity party but never grow. Or, it can delude us into believing that we are the cause of the problems and we stay imprisoned in our sadness. Either way, depression works only to stop us from moving on and progressing.

I learnt that the hard way.

After the fall, rising is difficult and even painful.

But I can honestly share, that it is well worth it. We can beat ourselves up but how does that make us into a better person and grow from here? What is the most important lesson that we need to learn here? Do we even know it?

It is not easy to rise, I know. I have been there. But if we do not rise, what will become of us? Will we always be defined by our falls and mistakes?

Do not be fooled by our own sadness, or depression. Do not be deluded by our own tears. They do not help us in any way to grow and progress further. Really, they do not. All they do is drain us of our energy which should have been invested for better and more positive use - to turn things around.

"We move ahead a few steps, then we go back a few steps…we find it hard to battle the ‘inner demons’ within ourselves fighting all the time…we find the secret struggles never end…it almost seems futile… we find transformation so difficult. Does it get any easier? It doesn’t get easier. The battle never stops. It gets worse and the struggles will bring us down. THAT IS GOOD. If there was no battle, then we know we are on the wrong path. The battle is actually our own efforts….efforts long overdue and weak at this point. Sometimes we fall because most of the time we were down, and now we are starting to get up, as we get up we fall. The fact that we fall, means we are getting up again and again. Remember Buddha under the Bodhi Tree in the last watch of the night, the maras attacked Him full force…even one so close to Buddhahood was attacked…so imagine for us? Never give up..because there is nothing to give up for." ~ Tsem Rinpoche

When we get up and fight, we are fighting for our right to become a better person and not remain as the monster or selfish person that we have been. Every individual is made up of many characteristics. We possess both the good and bad. But it is only through challenging situations, that we get to see what we are made of and what is the level of our mind.

When the shit hits the fan is when we will see where we are really at, in terms of our spiritual practice and our state of mind. We will see very clearly how stable or unstable we are, as we get thrown into various circumstances. Having experienced my share of "shit-hitting-the-fan" scenarios, I know better now. Instead of being afraid or sad, I'd focus and observe my mind and see how it is reacting.

Understand that our mind is only reacting to what we are attached to. And if we truly want to conquer the demons within, and kill the enemy within, we will not hesitate to look deeper and keep digging. FIND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT OURSELVES, even if it is scary.

In Vajrayana practice, we are very fortunate because we have a Vajra Master, or the Guru who would create different situations for us to purify our karma and face our demons. Sometimes, the Vajra Master or Guru would even manifest different personas for us to face our enemy within. And this is actually a very good thing.

So, instead of being afraid or sad, no matter how wrathful or painful it can get, welcome this with open arms. Be very grateful that we have such a precious opportunity to purify our bad karma and even assassinate the enemy within.

Yes, it is not easy, I know. NOTHING GOOD IS EVER EASY. ALL BAD THINGS ARE EASY TO DO.

This is where trust and faith in our Guru will be severely tested and demonstrated.

If we calm ourselves and think clearly, we will come to appreciate how kind our Guru is to put himself or herself through such a process in order to help us.

Just imagine that in our bodies lie a very toxic poison that is both lethal to us as much as it is to anyone who even attempts to extract this poison out from us. However, if this poison is not removed from us, we can never heal completely. It gets worse, from one life to the next, if we believe in karma. And even if you don't believe in karma, you will experience its terminal effects in this very life alone. If there is no antidote, we cannot be cured. Simple as that.

Now, imagine that immense kindness and compassion of the Vajra Master and Guru who takes the risk and responsibility upon himself or herself, to extract this venom from us so that our healing can begin. Fully knowing that the poison could kill him or her, in the process. This is how much our Gurus and Vajra Masters care for us all.

So, while we are so engrossed in our own self-pity party or anger or disappointments, we may not even realize how much our Gurus truly care for us. We may find it hard to maintain a pure view of our Gurus because we are more concerned with consoling ourselves. Hence, trust and faith in one's Guru is so crucial in Vajrayana. Especially more so when the Guru is extracting every poison out of our bodies. Bear in mind, our Gurus are not dealing with just one body or one person. Our Gurus have many students and friends who need just as much help. So, imagine how much work our Gurus have before him or her, if you can.

"No one wants to suffer. No one wants to feel pain. No one wishes to die. To make others suffer, feel pain and killing them will invite the same. Karma is blind to race, creed, religion, background, beliefs and understanding. It is universal. Never harm anyone or anything. Karma is ever recording our deeds." ~Tsem Tulku Rinpoche

Suffering is a state of mind. And it is very different from person to person. And it is not easy to see beyond our own suffering, while we are going through it. However, if we did not have any trace of the self-cherishing venom in us, we would not be experiencing any suffering in the first place. Also, if we did not create the causes for certain situations to arise, they can never arise.

At the end of it all, the most important question we should ask ourselves is, do we want the causes of our suffering to end? Not just temporary but permanently.

If we do, then we need to rise after our fall.

We need to rise as quickly as possible, and not waste more time in our suffering.

Yes, we do not need to dedicate more time into our suffering than necessary.

Focus on what truly helps us grow, learn and move on. We will gain a much better and stronger us in the end.

There may be monsters and demons that reside within each of us, but there are also angels, heroes and the Buddha nature that are also within every one of us.

Recognise which is the real enemy and attack the real enemies, not our saviours, friends and Gurus. More importantly, do not just beat up ourselves over and over. Only our enemies within.

May virtue always triumph in each of us.

MAY WE WIN EVERY FIGHT AND NEVER GIVE UP.

Vajrayogini at OneTrueMedia.com

2011-05-03T19:31:00.001+08:00

A video I made on Vajrayogini. The first video! Hope you all like it.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My Experience with H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche and Kechara

2011-03-18T19:26:00.003+08:00

Yes, I have not written for a long while. Very sorry about that.

So, I have decided to start by sharing very precious to me - my Guru and our center, Kechara.

When I first met my Dharma Mentor-sister, Dato' Ruby Khong, President of Kechara Soup Kitchen, in 2005, she told me, "Without the Lama, there will be nothing. Everything comes from the Lama."

I have to be very honest here, I seriously did not get what she was saying. In fact, I did not quite buy it.

How can everything comes from the Lama? That was my thought then.

Now, 6 years on - I have to really bow down to Dato' Ruby and whole-heartedly agree with her.

I didn't understand it then, but I definitely GET IT now.

Yes - without the Lama, there will be nothing.

It isn't something mystical or mysterious at all. There are no magic tricks or spells involved.

It is truly a spiritual journey.

The Lama, or the Guru truly undertakes it upon himself to bring out the best in us. Most of the time, we do not even realise that we have this great potential in ourselves. This is why, trusting your Lama and Guru is so crucial. Otherwise, the Lama or Guru cannot do what he needs to do to help us achieve our highest potential.

Take Kechara's story for instance - without the Lama, there will be no Kechara at all, let alone the 13 departments.

By the way, new division, Kechara Blooms, is opening its doors tomorrow. Yes, Kechara has its own florist and gift store now. Isn't it just amazing?!

So, where do they all come from? Where could they all come from?

All the ideas that we see stem from one man's vision - H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.

From Rinpoche, everything became possible...even our greatest potential became an attainable goal.

Now, let us take a look at some of the individuals -

I am going to start with David Lai -

Uncle Lai, David's dad, shared with me very honestly about how much he truly appreciates Rinpoche. Uncle Lai said that he could not help or even understand David because he did not possess the same talents and interests as David. He didn't even know where to start. But when David met Rinpoche, David began to change. Uncle Lai saw through the years how Rinpoche has guided and helped David to become who he is today.

Of course, today, David Lai is quite famous after publishing his own book, "There's No Way But Up" and co-writing another book with Paul Yap, "Vajrayogini and the Other Sacred Power Places in Nepal".

Would David have been able to become who he is today without Rinpoche's "divine intervention"? I seriously doubt it and I am confident that David would say the exact same thing.

Let's look at another individual that has come into her own after meeting Rinpoche - Ms. Jamie Khoo or better known as "Paris".

Jamie is really a power-house of talent. I mean, she has a photographic memory and her unique sense of style is truly original. She is one of those people we wish to hate because she's so incredibly talented and spiritual at the same time. But even with Jamie's fountain of talent, she has had to face her own challenges in sharpening her skills to perfection. I believe after meeting Rinpoche, the real Paris blossomed. Now, she is even more brilliant than ever.

She also came out with her amazing book, "Call Me Paris". It's such a delightful yet insightful read.

There are many individuals whose lives have changed for the better after meeting Rinpoche. Many more who have transformed into better versions of themselves. It would take more than this blog post to list them all down.

Kechara has their own cast of stars because the Guru brought out that star quality in each of them. ONLY because they each trusted the Guru, they went all the way, and all we have to do is look at where they are now.

Dato' Ruby Khong is one great example. These days, it would be almost impossible not to spot Dato' Ruby anywhere. She is in magazines, newspapers, events and etc. By the way, the picture on the right is my favourite picture of Dato' Ruby. She is just as stunning in person.

To me, Dato' Ruby embodies absolute faith in the Guru. She is the best walking, breathing Billboard for having that unwavering faith in one's Lama and going all the way without any doubts.

Again, I say this - the Guru can only activate what is already there within you. Sometimes, it has laid buried too deep for us to even realise that we are actually so very capable of greatness. Everyone of us have that Buddha nature within us.

We just need the right Guru to bring it out.

As for me, I am very grateful that I have met my Guru.

And I am truly very fortunate to have the network of Dharma support in my Kecharian brothers and sisters. Each of them continue to inspire me to this day. I always find that I am bewildered and in awe when I am in their company. They truly work night and day to benefit others, without agenda.

Below is something I wrote back in 2008. I thought it'd be nice to share it with everyone.

It is to give some idea what it was like for me, and to share why a Guru is the most precious jewel in our life.

My name is Shirley Maya Tan and I am probably Rinpoche’s worst student.
I began as a serious skeptic, and what I would call, a “Selective Buddhist”. Oh yes, it is much worse than being a “Tourist Buddhist”.

As a “Tourist Buddhist”, one is still open and searching.

A “Selective Buddhist”, however, is one who chooses ONLY what she or he wants to hear, and shuts out what she or he DEEMS as unpleasant, especially anything that clashes with her or his current lifestyle and perspectives.

Please allow me to elaborate.

When I first met Rinpoche, I could not visualise him as a Living Buddha. I saw him as an ordinary man who has chosen to be a monk. Actually, let me re-phrase that – I saw a very good looking and tall model-like monk.

In the beginning it was hard to concentrate on his words, when one is so busy gawking at his good looks and wondering why he has chosen to become a monk in the first place. But I guess, Rinpoche gets that all the time, wherever he goes.

Although I begged for Rinpoche’s advice and guidance, I did not follow them through. I found it very challenging to go beyond myself.

Then I began trying my level best to AVOID Rinpoche’s teaachings and talks because they all collided with my own personal plans – be it parties, dinners, shoppings, movies, karaokes, etc.
When I could not come up with any further excuse, I would attend Rinpoche’s Book Club meetings because everyone whom I knew was attending and I did not want to look bad. But unfortunately, I did not learn with an open heart and mind.

It took me a very long time before I realised that the only one who was at the losing end, was me alone.
All my friends started to progress and change for the better, even those I have tagged as ‘goners’ were all doing much better than me. The final slice was in seeing new students progressing far better and faster than me.

In other words, by my selecting what I want to see, hear, learn and experience, according to how I prefer it, I was already seriously limiting myself. It came to a point when I had to admit to myself that it was not transformation that I seeked.

It was self-preservation.

Hence, there was virtually no progress on my part. I had no one to blame, or can blame.
The truth is, I only went to see Rinpoche because I wanted someone to comfort me and feel sorry for me. I was not ready for the truth, nor was I able to put in the effort and dedication to work out my own issues and change for the better.

I was content to stay as I am, but I did not want to feel guilty about wanting to stay as I was.

I was lazy – in every sense of the word.

I was incapable of committing to myself. Therefore, there was no discipline and no accountability for everything else in my life. No one made it hard for me. I made it hardest for myself when I refuse to change and improve – despite how much everyone else may say to me, help me, or do for me.
This is why it took me five very long years to start my journey of transformation.

In all this time, Rinpoche never gave up on me. He never once abandoned me, even when I have abandoned myself and him, on several occasions.

Rinpoche has never let me down and have always sent people to enquire about me. He even sent gifts to cheer me up when I was at my lowest – simply to remind me that someone still cares.

I feel extremely blessed and fortunate that I have Rinpoche and all my Dharma brothers and sisters who stood by me through everything. They were always there.

They will always be there for me, because they do sincerely welcome me, care about me and accept me as family. Without Rinpoche and my dharma brothers and sisters, I cannot be where I am today.

I am very proud to say that I am the product of their genuine care, dedication and loving kindness.
Here, I would like to highlight just how much courage and devotion it takes for Rinpoche’s liaisons to do what they do, on a daily basis, in order to help all of us – the “samsaric addicts” and “selective Buddhists” alike.

I call them, Rinpoche’s “Warrior Students” – because they have to brave through our stray bullets, poisonous arrows and our malicious knives. Not just from one person, but several. And not just on weekdays, but 24/7 and then some!

If it is truly not out of compassion and real devotion that each liaison is working hard to help Rinpoche to help each of us, then I seriously do not know what it is really for. Most of them have given up their jobs and worldly lives in order to help the rest of us cope with ours. So, it never ceases to amaze and move me when I witness how each liaison endure what they have to in order to do what they feel compelled to do.

It has never been for them, or about them. It has always been, and always will be for the rest of us.
So, when Beng Kooi asked me to write down my own experience of how I met Rinpoche and how Rinpoche has changed my life, I had to contemplate for a long while. Because I did not want to write something that lends no purpose.

I would like to share something meaningful that every reader can relate to. Here, I am not going to mince my words.

If one does not wish to change and improve, then please do not seek for a teacher, let alone a Guru.

If one does not want to hear anything bad or unpleasant about oneself, no matter how minute it may be, then one is still very much afraid of the truth.

If all you seek is to perpetuate your own “perceived reality”, then you have to contend yourself to being imprisoned for the rest of your life. You will never be truly free.

The journey of transformation is not an easy one to start, let alone, maintain.

The convergence of courage and conviction will be displayed very clearly along the way. And only with clarity of purpose, passion and purity can one undertake such a journey and still retain one’s divine essence – the bud of beauty that has been trying to blossom within into a full BLOOM.

I always say that those having their Gurus to guide them are especially fortunate and very blessed. Because the Guru is the mirror into our soul, as much as it is the mirror that reflects our souls.
Sometimes we cannot see the true beauty that lies within us, because it has been suppressed and cluttered by all the noise, pain and negative side effects. Sometimes, these side effects can even become immensely destructive – so much so that we become a danger not only to ourselves, but also to those around us.

For these reasons and more, the Guru is the most precious guiding light and mirror – helping us stay on the right path, while putting himself infront of our firing squad. Our Guru risks everything and more, for the sake of our salvation. And life after life, our Guru bears the responsibility to seek us out once again, to carry on this heavy task until its completion.

This is why the Guru is regarded as a Jewel, a Living Buddha.

Today I can openly profess with much pride and joy that I love Kechara House and everyone in it, because they each put in so much effort and sacrifices to keep the Dharma accessible and available to us all. Yes, all the 12 wonderful departments and counting.

Without each one of them, there can be no place for someone like me to go to, and feel belonged. There will be no support system that motivates and help me stay on the right path. Simply put, without all its dedicated members, a palace of BENEFIT, of HIGHER LEARNING and of TRANSFORMATION can never come to be. And this is what Kechara House is to me, a palace for all of us.

It is our palace, our home, my home.

And of course, without first having the Guru, there is nothing to begin with.

Where the Battle Wages On....

2011-01-24T02:11:00.003+08:00

The landscape is charred,

The ground is stained with fresh blood -

All mine.

My stomach churns

As my head aches

My whole body feels drained,

Exhausted and shattered

I was just here yesterday

I thought I had conquered this region

The smell of a long endless war swarms the air

A new realisation crept into my tired mind,

As long as we are still stuck in samsara

The battles never end.

Yes, we get completely bruised, wounded beyond recognition and even get thrown from Hell and back.

It feels like that sometimes.

And it feels so real.

Sometimes I think I am deliberately being pushed and beaten into submission - submit to giving up....and yet I cannot bring myself to believe that I cannot break through.

I guess, at the end of the day, I do want to break through and this is why I do WANT to continue.

There are many terrible days - too many to list, but then again, I have been the only one who is responsible for all this.

I am the one who created all of it. Hence, I must go through the consequences.

We are all the product of our own Karma.

We created all of it.

So, if we created it - we can definitely correct it or make it better.

This is how Dharma empowers us to take control of our lives.

There are days whereby I don't even know if I am winning or losing, but I believe as long as I do not stop - then I am definitely winning.

If I do stop - it means I have given up and it all ends right there.

What really ends?

The potential for us to become better - our best will not be realised and we will never know what we are truly made of.

Here, I would like to share the words of my Perfect Guru - H. E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche -

"We move ahead a few steps, then we go back a few steps...we find it hard to battle the 'inner demons' within ourselves fighting all the time...we find the secret struggles never end...it almost seems futile... we find transformation so difficult.

Does it get any easier?

It doesn't get easier.

The battle never stops.

It gets worse and the struggles will bring us down.

THAT IS GOOD.

If there was no battle, then we know we are on the wrong path. The battle is actually our own efforts....efforts long overdue and weak at this point.

Sometimes we fall because most of the time we were down, and now we are starting to get up, as we get up we fall. The fact that we fall, means we are getting up again and again.

Remember Buddha under the Bodhi Tree in the last watch of the night, the maras attacked Him full force...even one so close to Buddhahood was attacked...so imagine for us?

Never give up..because there is nothing to give up for." ~ Tsem Rinpoche

H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche advises -

"It's hard to change for the better because we were THAT much longer in self indulgence not thinking of others.

So changing now will take monumental efforts, but if you don't, it becomes THAT much harder in the future.

You'll end up so stuck, you really can't get out. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop thinking over and over how hard it is.

Stop wondering if you are going the right way and JUST PRACTICE DHARMA AND DO DHARMA WORK!"

If we seriously think that everything is so hard now, it will not get any easier later on.

Improving oneself takes consistent effort and time - only then we will see the results that we seek.

The real question we should be asking ourselves is ARE YOU WORTH ALL THE TIME AND EFFORT?

For a long time, I didn't realise what Rinpoche was trying to show me, and teach me.

Rinpoche was always trying to show me if I did not even think that I was worth any time or effort and I would not even stick through for me - then it would not be possible for me to do any of it for someone else.

Hence, is it any wonder that most of the time I failed in my past relationships - be it with friends, families or loved ones.

At the end of the day, the relationships we have with those around us reflect the real relationship we conduct with ourselves.

So, whatever you are involved in and whatever you are doing - whatever it is called, labelled or named - just do it and go all the way, because it is really for you.

In Tibetan Buddhism, we practice Dharma and do Dharma work because in that DHARMIC process we can finally start transforming from our lesser self to a much better self.

As Rinpoche always say, whatever that makes you a better person and helps you to become better will be the most suitable path for you. Then, just do it and go all the way with it.

I am going all the way because I do want to become a better person for all the people I love and only then, I can do more for those around me.

I wish everyone who is on their journey the very best.

May we never ever give up.

May we never be afraid to continue with the struggle.

May we truly WIN the war.

See you at the "finish line".

From This Moment On...I'll Carry You In My Heart

2011-01-17T17:38:00.005+08:00

From this day on,

I'll carry YOU in my heart

And I'll never be without it

For the essence of Kechara

Will begin to take root

In my mind and in my heart

I will nurture this most precious seed
With every breath I take
With unwavering trust and faith

By remembering and embodying

Everything that YOU have taught me

The day will come
When this gem of a seed
Will blossom into the most beautiful flower of all
Then and only then
I am whole

Now I truly understand

As long as YOU and KECHARA both reside in me

I will always be HOME

THANK YOU.

(An Excerpt from From The Spiritual Path: A Compilation of Teachings by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo)

This is from my heart to your heart.

When you make a commitment to your Root Guru, you must understand what you are doing: You are making a commitment to the condensed essence of all the objects of refuge, to all the Lamas, not just the one Lama, to all the Buddhas, to all the Bodhisattvas, to all the meditational Deities, to all the Dakinis, to all the Dharma Protectors.

Moreover, you are making that commitment to the very door of liberation itself.

Consider once again what the Teacher actually is for you. Remember that sentient beings are wandering helplessly in samsara—afraid, alone, and without hope. It is like being in a burning room with no way out. Nothing in samsara can help you to escape. Only the objects of refuge—all contained in the vessel that is the Root Guru—can provide an exit. The heat keeps increasing, and your body is fragile.

The Lama is the way out, the door to liberation.

Picture yourself in a burning room. Would you have difficulty concentrating on the door? I doubt it.

H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche

When you practice Guru Yoga correctly, you are practicing view. You gradually come to understand that upon recognizing the Lama, upon becoming non-dual with the Lama, you recognize your own true nature, your own true face, that which is beyond accepting and rejecting. If the Lama is in the center of the mandala of your practice, you are training yourself to awaken, to exit samsara, to achieve realization for the sake of sentient beings. But if you break the connection with your Root Guru, you cannot accomplish Dharma. No matter what happens, once you have made the offering of body, speech and mind to the spiritual friend who has hooked and established you on the path, to the Root Guru, you must never abandon that commitment. If you do, you are cutting off the very root and source of your accomplishment. After that there is no real accomplishment on the path, no matter what you do.

You must always keep your view pure, and therefore the Guru Yoga will be your blessing and your true spiritual wealth. So even if you are on the other side of the planet, the Root Guru should rest upon your heart or above the crown of your head when you say your prayers. Never break that connection, even for a moment.

You should guard your commitment, thinking of yourself as Dorje Phagmo with fangs, as though you had fangs or weapons. Anything that prevents you from relying completely on your Root Guru should be cut away from your heart, cut out of your life. It’s as if you have fangs coming out, and that curved vajra blade in your hand, and you’re swinging at anything that comes near this connection. You’re guarding your own personal treasure, not allowing a single bit of impurity to be near it. Those fangs should always be out.

Vajrayogini aka Dorje Phagmo

Is it just a coincidence that the one path that can bring about realization in a single lifetime is the one path that focuses upon the Guru as the ultimate object of refuge? No, for it is the astonishing potency of the Guru’s appearance in the world that makes this possible. Devotional yoga becomes everything: the milk, the nectar. There is no other practice. All else is but a part of that.

They say the longest journey is from the mind to the heart.

Without the mind and heart being in sync, we will never be "home".

In Vajrayana, The Guru is the central and most important figure.

Because only the Guru can take you out of samsara and bring you home. And home is where your own Buddha-Nature resides.

May everyone have the good fortune to meet with their own Guru and be guided by their Guru.

Still, I just want to feel a sense of you...(Poem)

2011-01-11T20:11:00.001+08:00

Here lies the secret that no one knows
The very root of my joy and pain
It grows higher than any tree can touch the sky
It runs deeper than any mind can hide
It is the same wonder
That is keeping the stars apart

I'd give anything just to have a day -
One more day
To spend with you
Nothing more
Nothing less

Only to have the chance to speak this simple truth -

By my own doing,

I have failed so miserably

Not to realise just how much

You truly mean to me

I was a child

A terribly spoilt immature child

Who knew nothing of value

Yet you understood and just allowed me to grow

At my own time and pace

Into the person I am today

I wish you were here to see

How that horrid little weed

Is blossoming into a half-decent flower

Right at this moment

For this better part of me

Is the one I'd like to give to you

My darling -

I carry you in my heart
I carry your heart in my heart
Wherever I go, I bring you with me
In my thoughts, tucked safely in a place
Named: SWEETEST MEMORIES

This is all I can do now
For the truth is far too cruel
I know I can never be with you

You lie somewhere in an unmarked grave
And to this day, I still don't know where

Not been given a chance to say goodbye
Not even just to say, THANK YOU
FOR BEING THE BEST AND GREATEST FRIEND

No one understands me as completely and thoroughly as you did
No one ever could
I guess among all the things I miss the most
This is one of it
It has not been the same since you left this earth
The empty space between past and present
Has grown into an impossible hole
That no one else can fill

It has been 12 years and counting
And yet the wound still feels fresh and new
As if I have lost you all over again

Could this be the reason why I cannot love again?
Or perhaps I just don't want to?

I have never been good at dealing with loss and death
I hate every single thing about it
It robs everything and everyone I adore from me

Wherever you are now, my dearest heart
May you truly know this
That I did love you
And I am sorry I never had the chance to tell you

Goodbye, my dearest precious friend
I am going to let you go now
Thank you for keeping me company in all this time
May we see each other again in another life.

My Christmas Message for 2010

2010-12-17T01:31:00.003+08:00

The Year 2010 has been a most interesting year...and the most challenging.

No, not in terms of work or travel but it was very testing because I had to face my inner demons.

In fact, over the last month or so - I was in heated battle with two of my greatest demons: ANGER and FEAR.

Over the last two weeks, I finally won the war.

There was a moment where I thought I was going to lose and just give up the fight, but I am so glad that I did not.

Yes, these days my battlefields are all within.

My biggest challenges are all with the enemies inside of me.

I realised that there is no greater enemy or demon that the one that resides in my head.

Whether you name it negativities, demons or enemies within - they are the same things. And what they do best is to bring you down, make you stay down and help you to LOSE out in your own life.

I came to terms with my own fears and learnt that my anger arises from my fears.

Once I understood that, I let it go and felt a lot lighter.

But that was not after a series of wailing and crying my eyes out like a baby.

I know, I am a cry baby.

I cry at the drop of a tissue. So embarrassing!

I cry at sad movies. I cry when I see animals or people suffer.

But what I did vow from today onwards is that I will no longer cry for me.

Because that would only lead me to a huge self-pity party of my own.

So, after coming out of all that - this is my Christmas message for 2010 -

To My Mother

Thank you for always being so selfless in caring about every one of us. You truly gave each of us everything from your heart. You give the best to us and you take the least or what's left behind. You have never once complained how tired you are in taking care of us, but continues to do so with such warmth and joy.

May I grow into the kind of mother who loves her own daughter just like you have loved me.

To My Father

Thank you for sacrificing your own personal dreams in order to build a dream that would feed the whole entire family. Thank you for always working the hardest and through longest hours because you just want to provide us with the very best that you can give. Thank you for being the kind of father who never lets his family down.

May I grow into the kind of person with your level of discipline, commitment and responsibility.

To My Darling Daughter

Thank you for gracing my life and making it more meaningful.

Above all, thank you for teaching me how to love without agenda.

To My Precious Sisters

With beautiful and wonderful sisters like you all, I certainly had very little need for best friends. We have shared so much together and gone through even more together.

Thank you for loving me just as I am. Though you may not understand me sometimes, you did not stop caring about me. Thank you dearly for that.

To The Melotos, The Wilks and the Gonzalezs, Gawad Kalinga Heroes and all my very dear friends near and far

Though we may not get to see each other as often as we like, please know that you are always in my heart and mind.

Each of you has touched my life in so many different ways. I can never be the person I am today without any of you. I am very grateful that I have the blessing of your warmth and friendship. I cannot imagine where I will be without your help, love and care. Thank goodness for good dear friends!

May I always return the same loving kindness I have received from each of you - many times over.

To EVERYONE ELSE OUT THERE

If this Christmas is one of the most toughest time for you, I shall pray for you. Remember, even the most painful moments will also pass. So, this too shall pass. Have courage and persevere. The sun will shine again soon.

If this Christmas, things have begun to change for the better - I shall rejoice with you and I pray that you will not take any of it for granted. Cherish every one and every moment well.

If this Christmas, you are starting a new chapter in your life and doing something completely different, I wish you all the luck and I shall also pray for you.

If you are single and looking - may you find the one who makes your heart sing and inspire your mind to become the best that you can be.

If you are married and going through a difficult time - don't stop communicating. Sometimes, it is not about falling out of love and growing apart. Ask yourselves, can you both fall in love with each other all over again and work it out? Can you both learn to have fun and enjoy one another all over again? Think about that before you make a hard final decision, ok.

If you are married and going to celebrate your anniversaries - BRAVO! You give the rest of us hope that true love does last! Haha. It is a wonderful feeling to be married to your best friend and that you just never seem to get bored with one another.

A LITTLE INSIDER'S GUIDE TO ALL THE GALS OUT THERE

Forget the fairy tale.

Don't wait for the knight in shining armour or the Prince Charming to come along. There is no perfect guy. All men are flawed - just as we women are. YES, that's the truth.

We ain't perfect and so, neither are they. We do need one another to become perfect.

Use your wisdom to understand that as a woman we have a choice - we can choose to be makers of great men and bearers of great children - or we can just whine, complain, cry and be damsels in distress. It's your call.

If you think about it - all men also came from women as we are the mothers of the earth. If we want the world to have better men ( and women ), we have to be better mothers, sisters, wives, etc. Yes, it can begin and end with us. Key operative word here is, CAN. Again, it is your choice.

And please, do not always wait for the guy to make the first move or to do anything and everything - we have hands, feet and a brain too. Use these assets well.

Happiness is how you make it.

You want a guy to love you a certain way - trust me, please just spell it out for him. Do not wait and imagine that he will know or figure it out - he won't. And you can wait until the cows jump over the moon.

Waste a lifetime in waiting or make every moment worthwhile and enjoyable - does not matter if you need to do more of the work. After all, when every moment is a happy one, everyone wins. So, that is the most important part of all.

Please do not waste too much time worrying about your body, your face, whether you gained 5 pounds or lose 10. Love your body, own your body and enjoy living in your body!

Hello, ladies, if you are not happy with your own body, how do you expect anyone else to find it pleasurable and be happy with it too?!

If he loves you, he will love you just the way you are.

BECAUSE LOVE IS MORE THAN THE PHYSIQUE.

Love is enjoying the good bits and being able to take the bad bits and work with it. We can't have one without the other. AMEN!

A LITTLE INSIDER'S GUIDE TO ALL THE GUYS OUT THERE

If you have not begun to start respecting a woman by now, then you are in serious trouble. No woman would enjoy being with anyone who does not respect her. Would you like it if someone does not respect you? Especially in public? I rest my case.

Believe me when I say this - scoring with as many women as you can get hold of or sleeping with as many women as you can handle DO NOT WIN YOU ANY RESPECT with the women. It is just your ego talking and showing off to the rest of your mates. It has nothing to do with your manhood at all.

If you want to really prove what makes a man great - love one woman and make her happy for the rest of your life. See how well you can pull that off.

A little kindness, tenderness and gentleness will go a long way in sustaining a very successful relationship with a woman in the long run.

A woman enjoys being touched and moved - and I do not mean body parts here. I mean, touching her heart and moving her heart - with your sincerity and care.

If you really want to be with a woman, first of all, please be a good friend to her and listen to what she has to say.

Yes, women are made differently. They need a lot of sweetness because when they love you, they love you with all their heart. So, please take good care of your women, guys. Don't talk down to them and treat them like trash.

Every woman is a queen.

So, treat your woman as the Queen of your Heart.

LASTLY BUT NOT LEAST - To My Ex-Husband

Thank you for being a good friend and a wonderful father to our darling girl.

Wish you all the happiness in the world and may you truly find peace within and without.

FINALLY, IN CLOSING...

Remember -

Each of you are as beautiful and wonderful as you are.
Right now, right here.

This moment is going to be as good as it gets until you make that change inside you.

Yes, you have the ability to do anything you want to do, as long as you really put in the time and effort to achieve it.
And you must be consistent. Never give up.

No, crying will not change anything.
And no, screaming , kicking and shouting will not make anything better.

The one who really loves you will be the one who cherishes your vulnerability as well as value your strengths.
The one who really loves will never stop improving himself or herself in order to become better for you.

When people criticize you, it doesn't mean that they hate you or that you are really that bad or lousy.
It means that you just have more room for improvement and you can learn from it and grow from there.

DO NOT wallow in self-pity.
I repeat - Under no circumstances, should you ever allow youself to wallow in self-pity. Because if you choose to wallow in self-pity, you are just fulfilling their 'unpleasant prophecy' about you. But if you choose NOT to believe in being the 'lesser you' and remaining as the 'lesser you', then do something positive for yourself and change for the better.

Above all, make that change for the better LAST and SUSTAINABLE for the rest of your life.

You are worth every of your sweat, blood, tears, dreams and hopes.
So, start acting like one. Start believing in yourself.

Be kind and grateful to as many people as you can because you know very well how pain feels.
Therefore, you should not cause others any more pain or suffering.

Before you actually become a solution, stop being a part of the problem.

Yes, you can do all the above.

So, believe in the best of you and allow that very best of you to RISE each and every day.
It is never too late. It is only too late when you never even gave it a chance.

I say it again, you are worth YOUR every sweat, blood, tears, dreams and hopes.
So, it should all come from you and no one else.

No one else is responsible for you or your life.
You should not marry someone else for their money, but earn your own.
You should not sleep with someone else to reach the top of the ladder, but climb on your own.
You should not use people in order to get what you want in life or love, but use yourself to give what people in your life need and love with all your heart.

Nothing lasts forever and nothing stays the same.
This applies to all sadness, pain, joy and pleasures in life and love.

What you understand of the above statement will determine your maturity and ability to live your life to the fullest, and to appreciate life for what it truly is.

This is all I can share and have to share.
The rest is really up to you.

And to all, a very blessed Christmas and a most joyful New Year.

Love and Peace!

The Pursuit of Happiness - Everlasting Happiness, not Temporary Pleasures

2010-12-16T23:36:00.008+08:00

They say that there are many ways to finding happiness.

Some people believe that success will make them happy, while others believe that love will complete them.

It took me a long time to discover but I am beginning to understand now.

Happiness is the key to a true success in life. Not the other way around.

Material and financial success can only satisfy an individual for a period of time. After the recognition, the wealth, fame and social status - what then?

All things material - however good or shiny and glamourous it may be - do not last. Hence, the happiness that is derived or defined by these things would not last either.

For those who believe that love is the answer to everything. Yes, you may be right.

But the real question is - DO YOU KNOW HOW TO LOVE WITHOUT AGENDA?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS OR EVEN LOOKS LIKE?

Generally, all of us think we are in love with someone and we actually tell ourselves that we love that someone.

But in truth, we are actually in love with the way that someone gives us what we want, when we want it and how we want it. We have certain rules, expectations and conditions about this so-called love.

Our kind of love IS ONE THAT HOLDS A LONG LIST OF AGENDAS.

And the worst part is - we would never disclose to our partners or spouses. And if they keep getting it wrong, we'll blame them and become very upset. Even to the point of wanting to leave them.

Our kind of love is one governed by self-serving interests.

We are only happy when they do what we like and want.

It is all about us and judged from our own point of reference.

There is no such thing as a selfless and unconditional love.

If there ever was a period of selflessness and unconditional loving, it only happened at the very beginning of the courtship - when we want to attract and win the special someone over.

After getting that someone and for some, after marrying that someone - things begin to go downhill.

WHY?

Because more and more expectations start to seep in. More un-expressed rules and conditions come into play. And they become more important to us than the person we used to adore and yearn to be with.

Yes, our expectations, our conditions and rules become the most important key factors in our relationships. It is no longer about that special someone and it will soon cease to become fun, romantic and lovely dovey.

Soon, it becomes a chore to even talk to one another.

Before you know it, you can't even stand the sight of each other and you just want to punch each other's faces.

THAT IS HOW WE GENERALLY LOVE at this day and age.

Honestly, I have spent many years trying to figure out why we do these things to one another.

How did the person we used to cherish become the person we wish to be perished from the face of the earth?

How did heaven suddenly become hell?

Believe it or not, it is only recently that the answers began to dawn on me.

MOST OF US REALLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO LOVE.

We all want love and to be loved. But to really love in return is much harder to do than just to say, "I LOVE YOU."

So, if our happiness is based on such a deformed perception of love, then how can we truly be happy?

If our ideas and beliefs about love or life and people are so stained with expectations, rules and conditions - we will never truly see someone as how he or she really is.

We will only see what we want to see.

So, what is the solution then?

Here, I can only share my own experiences and speak for myself. I share them because I hope they would be of some use to anyone out there who is also on a search to finding the truth and not running away and resorting to blaming someone else.

Here is my two cents' worth -

Finding happiness is like finding yourself.

Take a moment to think about this, please.

If you do not know yourself and you do not know what you want out of life and you simply do not understand yourself, how can you expect anyone else to do the job well?

And why would you put that responsibility on someone else when it is really yours to begin with, and it will also end with you?

If you are always expecting someone else to understand you better than yourself, or know you better than yourself while you are still trying to figure out your life or dreams/goals in life - then you are definitely setting up the both of you for failure.

You don't find happiness, you make happiness by taking the journey within.

And yes, this is a journey you must take alone - though you can invite others to join you, if they choose to or like to. You do not force it upon others. And no, it does not mean that they do not love you more if they do not want to come along.

This journey is really for you in order to become a better you.

Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be and understanding yourself.

After under-going all that - then you would start to see yourself as who you really are and who you aspire to be.

Without going through this, everyone is in the dark - including yourself.

Here, constant open communication is very important.

We must be able to talk openly and honestly with our partners or spouses. We must want to share and grow together. Otherwise, only one person is growing and moving ahead while the other one is being left behind.

There are no hard and fast rules here or a magic cure-all formula.

Every couple and individual are unique and different.

But if there is zero communication - then we are shutting the other person out.

If one is single, then it is a different story. You can take your time to discover and learn.

But there is one thing I'd like to stress here - this journey is an on-going thing. It only ends when we end. I.e. when we die.

Growth and development does not stop.

So, you will find that we need to work at paving the way to happiness by doing what brings YOU the most meaning and contentment to your life over the long run - not some temporary pursuit of pleasures, lusts and joy.

Everlasting happiness is possible when we work for it and create the causes for it.

If we have spent our lives chasing every skirt or pair of pants - that is all we will find at the end of our time on earth. Nothing real and lasting.

If we refuse to open up and take a chance, we will always live in fear and distrust - we will never experience real love and real happiness.

If we do not want to invest time and effort in cultivating relationships, how can you expect that you will magically find it one day? it will not just land on your lap.

Seriously, no one is perfect.

We all have our flaws, idiosyncrasies, weaknesses, fears, insecurities, etc. No one is spared from any of these.

Also, the different up-bringing and childhood and life experiences each person goes through will make them into the people they are today.

Everyone is really very unique and yet the same.

We are the same because we all want love and happiness.

We treasure peace, harmony and unity.

Now, if we can learn to be sources of all the above, wouldn't all of us make the people around us also much happier people too - including ourselves?

When we are a source of joy - we will bring joy and give joy to everyone we meet.

When we are a source of love and understanding - that is what we will give to those around us.

If we are the opposite, then thats the exact results that we will receive and experience.

Everyone has in some point of their lives, loved and lost love.

Everyone has, at some point in time, broken someone else's heart as much as getting their own hearts broken in return.

But let us NOT be governed by only the pain, misery and continue this cycle of emotional agony.

Let us NOT create the same pain and misery unto others.

No one deserves to be hurt. No one needs to suffer.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” — Helen Keller

Don't hang on to the past, or your anger or your pain - let it all go.

Forgive them in the same way as you will learn to forgive yourself.

Your future need not be a repeat of your past or even your present.

It can be and should be much better.

We just need to learn how to love better and become better people for those we truly love.

In all this time, I finally realised that if we truly love the people we love - we will never stop wanting to become better people for them.

Because in becoming better people, we can give more care, create more love and happiness with everyone who is important to us.

If you truly love someone, you will really push yourself to become a better person for that someone.

You will never stop improving yourself and you will not feel tired in wanting to make that someone happy.

Why? Because your love is real and is without agenda.

Until you can love without agenda, you will not know what true love means.

You will only have a superficial version of it.

Here, I make a strong wish for everyone -

May each person find their own true happiness.

May each person find strength in our own vulnerability and have the courage to love without expectations, conditions and rules.

May each of us work hard to nurture and build that happiness to last our entire lifetimes.

“Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” — Margaret Lee Runbeck

It does help, when we choose the right companions too. So, choose wisely.

Happiness, if not now, when?

WHY I CHOSE TO DO DHARMA WORK - PART THREE

2010-11-08T22:37:00.003+08:00

No one can tell you how to live your life nor convince you of how Dharma can change your life.

No one ever could.

This is something one has to experience for himself or herself.

No one can even teach us how to have faith or start believing in something we do not yet understand.

All because we have not experienced it for ourselves.

And until one has walked through the "Rites of the Spiritual Passage" - one can't tell the difference between what's truly of value and what's deluded value.

No - this has nothing to do with superstition or religion or fanatical beliefs. This is about logic and common sense. Really, it is.

Buddhism does not believe in the existence of a one God theory. What it really advocates is MIND TRANSFORMATION.

Buddhism teaches "Total Liberation" of self, by self.

There is no magic spells or hocus pocus.

Again, your mind is like my mind - moulded and set by a series of childhood experiences, conditioned by certain experiences in our past mixed with the dream for a certain future - be it false or true. In any case, it is completely true to your mind. Hence, to each individual, it is real.

If you believe in reincarnation and past lives, then imagine all the above being compounded by many lifetimes of habituations and imprints. Hence, from the moment we are born - we have preferences for this or that, or we have pre-disposed characteristics and etc.

Our HABITUATIONS are formed way before we are born into this life.

And even if you do not believe in reincarnations and past lives, our present life's habituations are deep and toxic enough to last us for a very long time.

We did not arrive the way we are today by mistake or by some bad accident.

Whatever good or bad habits we carry, have been reinforced into us with time and repeated actions or deeds. In other words, we did it to ourselves and we have allowed others to do it to us.

One thing Buddhism does not encourage nor believe in is IRRESPONSIBILITY and UN-ACCOUNTABILITY.

That means, we take charge of what is wrong with ourselves, our lives as much as we are responsible of what is good with ourselves and our lives.

WE are responsible and accountable - period.

Hence, the buck begins and stops with us.

No one to blame and assign the responsibility to.

From here, we learn what's truly empowering and self-liberating.

If we understand how to gain control over our lives, then we would know how to manage our lives in a much more beneficial way. Even if the one and only person we can only benefit right now is ourselves.

We have to begin somewhere.

This is why I love Buddhism and the Dharma (teachings of the Buddha).

It frees me from the false sense of security, the deluded expectations and above all, it helps re-gain control of myself, my life.

I stop blaming others and anything outside of me.

I take control of every single thing in my life, both good and bad, and do so without bitterness or sadness or anger.

Now, for a chronic samsaric maniac like me to say this - trust me, it is a big deal.

I mean, who would not LOVE to blame someone else and something else - anything other than ourselves for all the things that have gone wrong in our lives?

All because it is less painful that way and we don't have to feel bad about how lousy we really are when it comes to our own "life management".

To see the truth is not about just wanting to see the ugliness and the bad within ourselves. It is really about opening up from within.

We open up our scars, our pains, our fears, our wounds as much as we surrender our dreams, our hopes, delusions, etc.

So, to dare to see beyond the symptoms of our problems - to want to venture to the root cause of our problems - and believing that we are our true saviours and masters of our own destiny become the RITES OF PASSAGE in OUR SPIRITUAL PATH.

By any other name or label that best suits you - this is what Dharma actually means and teaches.

Here, perhaps something should be stressed about having the good fortune or merits, or in lay terms - the sheer luck of meeting the right people. Especially, a Spiritual Guide.

Until we have that good fortune and merit to meet with a Spiritual Guide, or Spiritual Friend, or Spiritual Advisor and Guru - we would continue to scramble in the dark.

I say, scramble in the dark because we neither have the light to guide us through our confusion nor the wisdom to know the difference between darkness and light.

The Guru or Guide is truly valuable because without one, we would still be struggling in the dark and our growth/development would be rather slow for any real benefits to come into fruition. Hence, we may not even live to see any real progress - let alone, experience it and help someone else.

Once you have found the way out of the maddening maze, wouldn't you want to share the secret with others so that they all may leave?

Well, this is no different.

(To be continued in Part Four)

WHY I CHOSE TO DO DHARMA WORK - PART TWO

2010-11-02T15:36:00.001+08:00

Things began to change when I started to learn about karma.

Understanding karma became very important to me, because it enables me to do something about this cycle that I am trapped in, along with all the people I care about - this endless cycle of death and rebirth called, Samsara.

Until we truly understand how karma works, we would not be arsed to do anything truly beneficial for ourselves or anyone else.

So, please watch these videos. They are very valuable teachings on karma from H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.

I sincerely hope that everyone would benefit from them and learn something useful and meaningful from them.

Yes, we can change our destiny - if we know how, we will do it right and well. Then we will gain real attainments that will change not just this life, but all of our future lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nsd64zyTgAs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgyFtDKttMk

( To Be Continued in Part Three )

WHY I CHOSE TO DO DHARMA WORK - PART ONE

2010-11-02T14:35:00.003+08:00

It is not a fad or some new hobby that I have picked up because I am bored with life and have nothing better to do.

In fact, it was quite the opposite.

I was not bored with life at all. It was starting to get interesting with my media work. I was travelling a great deal and meeting all kinds of interesting and wonderful individuals who truly made a difference to the space that they each belong to.

I guess when I kept seeing people who have made so much contribution to their own communities, beyond just their own families or themselves, it does rub off on me somehow.

Don't get me wrong.

I was not attacking anyone or complaining about my life or anyone in particular in my last post entitled, "WHY DO DHARMA WORK?"

These days my hours are even longer and more unpredictable because most of it is devoted to Dharma work.

I would say that its now 70% Dharma work and 30% other work.

It was a choice that I made with my heart's consent but not my mind.

My mind is still very entrenched and insistent on self-indulgence.

It is, after all, still a mind attached to self-cherishing.

But my heart had other bigger plans in mind. And one of it was to break free from the prison of selfishness to selflessness.

As some of you might know, I was not always into doing things for people - if it did not benefit me in return. Even if it was to get a praise, recognition or compliment in return for my deeds.

Yes, I really liked being praised and recognised and applauded for every little thing I did. Even if it was just opening my mouth and uttering a few cleverly phrased words which were of course designed to display just how wonderfully witty I was.

Every little thing was all about me.

I guess, when I have been so accustomed to such a self-serving behaviour - it had become even normal and acceptable. Anything less would seem quite un-natural and absurd.

Some people think that I have become all "holy-schmoly" after I have met Rinpoche and got inducted into Kechara.

Gawd, if they only knew how very wrong that is!

I have never been "holy-schmoly" and I don't think I can ever be. At least, not by your definition of holy. Haha

But what I realised I can be is someone who is more caring, much kinder and a better human being than the "vomit of society" that I used to embody.

And that is really all I wanted - to care about my loved ones much more, to do things for them that I would normally cringe with the very thought of it.

There was no big dreams of achieving great compassion or ultimate goal of Enlightenment. Just those words were daunting enough.

I really just wanted to care less about myself and care more about those around me. I just wanted to give back to those who have given me so much - especially, my parents and my sisters.

At some point, I just wanted to be able to give of myself willingly, happily and naturally to them - without feeling as if it was a chore or a downright pain.

Of course, taking has always been easy for me.

Giving - now, that is something else.

It is easy to give things that we want to give and we do not need or do not like anymore. Yes, it is easy and convenient to give away whatever we do not care for - but can we give the very things that we want, like, enjoy and desire with all our hearts? And in that giving, still remain happy and peaceful in the whole act?

Why is giving important to me?

I guess, after years of taking and just thinking about myself all the time, I just realised how meaningless it was.

There will never be an end to wanting the next big shiny new car, or ring, or handbag, or shoes, or dress or even the next cutest dude or new hot chick, or new house, new every materialistic item possible.

There will always going to be something new and better.

It seems like such an endless cycle. And yet we all happily buy into it for some reason. As if owning any of it will define us in any way.

Every item that we have purchased or owned is somehow a way for us to shout to the world - how we have arrived, how much we have achieved and how rich or fabulous we are.

It is all about self-advertisement and self-promotion.

But if we dig deeper, we realise all these buying, adorning of material acquisitions, even right down to the person we may be dating or in a relationship with - all of it are just a big farce to mask our own insecurities and personal issues. Those painful, embarrassing and difficult issues which we would like to ignore, suppress and forget. If we can erase them completely, that would even be better.

What we are truly doing is compensating the very things we lack inside with acquiring everything we can get hold of on the outside.

They hide the pain, the loneliness, the fear, the shame - whatever it is that we refuse to face or have no courage to face.

Of course, it does not necessarily apply to everyone per say. But it does apply to many.

We have grown to become a society who hides our flaws and weaknesses rather than find courage and resolve to face them.

We are a community that thrives on celebrating giving in to our weaknesses and feed on our desires, rather than applauding heroic acts of conquering our desires and rising above.

We say it is so cool to live life without care and just do as we please.

We worship indiscipline and recklessness as total freedom.

We have become so good at masking our delusions as great attributes and sins as virtues.

We will spend billions of dollars in commercials to promote decadence and self-indulgence, but will argue and debate on every cent that can go into community building, re-constructing lives and developing a better future for all.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES TIME AND TIME AGAIN?

Well, I guess no one really has the real guts to face the truth about themselves at the end of the day.

All our values have gone upside down.

No wonder they call this the DEGENERATE TIMES.

And trust me, there is nothing to be proud about here.

There is no real glory here.

ONLY FALLEN GRACE.

If success is true success, then we should see many lives become better - including our own.

These are some of the many things I think about.

And I ask myself, where does it end?

In Samsara, there is no end.

Suffering begets suffering.

While we are all in the thick of it, we are blinded by own delusions. So, we do not really see it until it hits us at the end.

By then, it is way too late.

Many people who do not spend time in any spiritual study or training have much to say about how spirituality is only for fools who have nothing better to do.

How can a lay person who has not gone through a single day in spiritual education or training make any substantial comment about anything that they do not really know?

Based on what?

You know how I know these questions? I used to ask them myself.

I used to think the very same thoughts most people are thinking.

Buddhism and all religion are good but we need to be realistic, we still have to make a living and feed the family.

Or, it is ok to practice any form of spirituality - but we should not become too fanatical and obsessed with it all. We have to get real and live our lives to the best of our ability.

Or, how can we live our lives to the fullest if we have to give up so many things - even time spent with families and friends? How is that making things better?

Or, I am still young - I am going to fully enjoy myself first and discover my own life first.

Or, only people who have gone through tragedies and suffered some childhood abuse will turn to religion.

Some people actually avoid spirituality like it is a plague.

They think that those who choose spirituality actually deny their right to live and be happy.

Sounds familiar?

Well, that was the way I used to think too.

I was no different than you.

Why?

Because we simply do not understand what spirituality means - really means.

Because we have not had any real and accurate education on spirituality.

Our information about religion and spirituality stems from a concoction of our childhood experiences from seeing our grandparents or parents praying, reading bits and pieces from here and there, watching movies and listening to some 'fanatical' friends or relatives talk about spirituality.

But seriously, most of us had not any real education or true accurate information that came certified from an authentic source.

And why would we anyways?

These would be the very last things that we would seek in our normal daily pursuits.

To put it simply - anything that would take us away from everything that we enjoy and like, we would avoid like a death knell. So, this is actually how our attitudes towards anything religious and spirituality have been moulded.

Plus, it certainly does not help when we read the horrific stories of bad examples of people in spirituality or religious vocation. We get really disillusioned.

However, these terrible bad apples do not make the whole cart nor grow the apple tree.

If we seriously take the time to think deeper - we would realise that we really pick and choose what we want to believe in order to reaffirm our likes and dislikes.

We pick and choose to believe certain things in order to allow ourselves to continue in the way we are and in the way we like.

Hence, of course - we will not gladly accept anything that tells us differently.

For example, each time I post something to do with cruelty against animals and anything that says, stop eating meat - a lot of people become apprehensive and defensive.

Some will not even read at all.

And I know exactly why - I was the same.

When something mirrors our deepest attachments and our own selfish desires - we will not like it. We will not want to acknowledge it. Because acknowledging it would deem how wrong we are and we wouldn't want that now, would we?

All we really care about is how do we continue as we are and not give up anything at all because we are all so attached.

In short, we are slaves of our desires, attachments, ego and delusions.

Acknowledging any of it would be like a death to us - to our carefully crafted reality.

For sure, many would not like it. Many are not even prepared for something like this.

I know I was not.

But at some point, I just did not want to be bound by my own fears, insecurities, ego and attachments.

I knew only too well how damaging they are and what mass destruction they are capable of.

And I did not like that kind of future or ending at all.

Although I did not know what I like and could do, but I knew what I did not like and could not continue doing.

None of it was making me any happier or better, for that matter.

And please do not misunderstand - here, when I say, HAPPY - I do not mean, the drunken stupor that we get after being wasted, or the joy of shopping, sex, drugs or rock and roll. It has nothing to do with any of that.

It has nothing to do with having the nice house, nice family, kids, car, money and etc.

It is a kind of happiness that brings about a great sense of calm and serenity. It reverberates from within you.

A kind of quiet joy that allows you to look yourself in the mirror and respect yourself without the arrogance or fake pride engineered by an insecure ego.

This is the kind of happiness that never runs out of fuel.

It never gets tired nor lonely or bored.

It does not feed on others' misery or pain to feel good.

It is never insecure or selfish.

It does not need to feel good at anyone's expense.

It is a joy that rises from the heart of you, and it permeates all around you.

Yes, you can actually share this joy and bring it to anyone you meet.

It does not run out.

Now, this is true confidence and glory.

Because it is not gained from over-powering anyone else or achieved from putting anyone down.

We have seen these unconditional love and kindness in action.

We do recognise it and it is not alien to us at all.

We have seen it in our parents, our teachers and especially, our Gurus.

All high Lamas and spiritual leaders and teachers possess different degrees of this.

This is why we find them inspiring and amazing.

Their great qualities and attributes also reflect what the potential we hold inside of us.

All of us have this same potential.

It is a flower that is waiting to blossom within us all.

(To be continued in Part Two)

WHY DO DHARMA WORK?

2010-11-02T03:02:00.004+08:00

Most people would imagine Dharma work as something religious that we will only do after we have "lived out" our lives to the "fullest" (whatever that may mean), or it is something that we would only do after we have made enough money and can live our lives "without compromise".

I do wonder what compromise do people actually think here.

Some people may think that doing Dharma work is a real compromise to their existing lifestyles or "reality".

It is very common for people to think that one is losing out on life when one chooses to go into Dharma full time. In today's society, it is equivalent to 'a certain kind of death'.

There goes to show how many people actually understand life or death.

Our society at large is fixated in thinking that one is either a loser, or giving up on life or just being darn lazy and not doing what they are supposed to do if they have entered into Dharma full time.

Again, this is what the general impression of people's ideas about Dharma work.

At the end of the day, Dharma becomes something that people would only expect to do when they have nothing else better to do or when they have to do it because some crisis or tragedy have struck their lives. Otherwise, most people would not naturally and willingly just go into Dharma full time. Nor would any of their family members understand them, let alone support.

I think I have just about covered the extent as to what people's general impressions are about Dharma work.

To sum it all up in one sentence - People see no future in Dharma work.

I don't think many people would even label it as work - they see it as charity. So, we only contribute to it from time to time.

So, what do normal people do see as a promising future and career?

Well, I think you and I and just about everyone reading this - would agree that it is all things material.

Terms like money, wealth, power, status, fame, titles and etc are things we can identify with. These might even be the very reasons why we are in the jobs we are right now, and are not remotely near anything Dharmic.

So, everyone can relate to having a bank account and they would love it if their bank accounts just keep getting bigger, fatter and multiplies itself.

Having money and lots of it gives us the freedom to do whatever we want, buy whatever we want and go wherever we want. We can even buy whatever we want, wherever and whenever we want.

So, that is the kind of ultimate freedom that everyone dreams of.

That could even be some people's idea of happiness or ultimate goal.

It's true. Having a lot of money does give us many options that others can only dream about.

However, if one is a real jerk or a downright mean bitch - then having a lot of money just makes one a bigger jerk or a nastier bitch.

So, that would mean without the money, fame, status and etc - you would be nothing but a big jerk or bitch then?

That would be sad.

The only times I think having a lot of money is a great thing is the following :-

For one - if a family member is sick or one is sick - then we have the option to get the best medical help and go anywhere to be treated.

Secondly, we have the liberty to build schools, hospitals and other humanitarian projects that can benefit a lot of people. Even down to building a whole new community for the less fortunate.

Honestly, I have come to appreciate money for what good it can do on a large scale for a whole community of people. And that is about it, really.

So, in our worldly pursuits, money is a big deal because everything is measured by dollars and cents.

And yes, it is all very important because we are living in this world.

However, what happens when we die or are dying?

What would be truly important for us then?

Do we wait until our moment of death draws near with its breath heavy on our necks, then and only then we will do something more spiritual for ourselves?

Why do we have to wait until our time is coming to an end before we realise what's truly of value and significance in our lives?

Why do we have to wait until it is too late and then we are filled with regret or remorse?

Does it always have to be like that?

We may think life is so great now and everything is rosy BUT things can change and will probably change.

They always do.

Nothing stays the same.

Today you may be the KING of the World. But tomorrow, you could end up as the sweeper of the streets in the kingdom that you used to rule.

What then?

Life is unpredictable. Who knows what our ending would look like and feel like.

Is that any reason for us to do more Dharma work while we still can?

Perhaps the wise words from a Guru can shed more light on this subject matter than samsaric little ol' me.

Here, I'd like to share what H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche has written and taught us.

Source: http://tsemtulku.com/teachings/contemplations/do-dharma/

http://tsemtulku.com/teachings/contemplations/do-dharma/

Do Dharma

August 25, 2010

Dear Team,

It is wonderful that all of you got together on cyberspace to do Dharma work. Dharma practice and Dharma work go hand in hand. What we do in front of our altars, with our mantras and prayers just takes up maybe a half hour of the day. But the other 23.5 hours of the day is even MORE IMPORTANT. Why? Because the time we spend away from the altar is where our mind really shows its true nature and true colors if you observe carefully. So if we occupy that time and space, it would be further training for our mind. Training for what? To develop an altruistic attitude where others come first. To do work for others. When this type of mind is starting to blossom, we have to nurture it.

Again, Dharma work is best to nurture this state of mind.

Reasons we don’t do dharma work:

1. We have family commitments

2. We have to make money

3. We aren’t healthy

4. Our spouses/partners don’t allow it or create obstacles to it

5. Kids

6. Not enough money

7. No time

8. I am not qualified

9. I don’t know what to do

10. I am not recognized or thanked

11. People don’t understand me

12. I don’t like certain people

13. There is no updates and it is disorganised

14. I am too exhausted

15. Parents

16. Focus on career

17. I have done enough and let others do it

18. Let others have a chance

19. I am too far

20. I don’t know how to do the work well

21. People criticize me

22. The work assigned to me is below me

23. I am too old

24. I am too young

25. I can’t change my ways

26. I don’t know enough dharma

27. I’ll do it later when my commitments are finished

28. People said bad things about the centre

30. Heard bad things regarding the decision makers at the centre

31. Someone was rude to me

32. I feel unappreciated

33. I am not treated special

34. I am not rich

35. I don’t like to commit

36. I like to practice dharma anywhere and everywhere

37. I want to experience life first

38. I am not healthy

39. I don’t have a special name or position

40. I don’t know the people well

41. People in the centre don’t listen to me or my ideas

42. I have to tend to the needs of relatives and family

43. No car or transport

44. Doing dharma work doesn’t have to be physical

45. Rinpoche’s advice doesn’t apply to me

46. I want freedom

47. How much do I get paid

48. Not enough pay

49. Too much timing clashes

50. My family don’t approve

The above 50 are some of the reasonings I have been given by people over the last 17 years that I have been here. I have a good answer for each of the above. And I have good solutions for the above also.

Where there is a will, there is a way.

Everyone working for the Dharma now all around the world and in our centre have the same obstacles as you if not more, and they can overcome, deal with it or just work with it. You can too.

Those are obstacles that we encounter not just for Dharma but for many things we want to do in life. When we know the value of what we want to do, then WE WILL FIND A WAY TO OVERCOME THE OBSTACLES. OBSTACLES ONLY STOP US because most of the time, it is convenient to cover our laziness, deep-seated self absorption, lack of self worth and fear of rejection. That is normal. Hence Dharma work itself is a wonderful and superior way to counter the root of the problems. Just think, Dharma work is applying the antidote. Who wouldn’t want an antidote if we truly trust Buddha’s teachings of cause and effect?

By avoiding Dharma work, we stay where we are.

And where we are will not last. Even if we maintain how we are, the environment, people and situation around us change, so we cannot maintain how we are. If we accept that impermanence makes us own nothing, then we don’t focus on anything else that has no value anymore. Everything in life has no value, except the pure development of the mind and institutions that support that. That is the only value in our short uncontrolled lives.

We also reject the requests of our teachers that we respect, love, value and care for so much when we do not do much or nothing to help him. When we withdraw our Dharma work, we are sending a message maybe conscious or subconscious, that our teachers should bear all the burdens with the rest of the group. That is the ultimate show of the state of our mind and how it thinks. It is definitely not positive.

So we should counter it immediately with Dharma work. If our state of mind is like that, how can that attract ultimate happiness, respect, security or any spiritual growth? That is why we should not leave it and counter it all the way. It is nobody’s fault that our minds cannot tolerate difficulty. It is our minds habit of not tolerating from previous times. Unfortunately, future times may not hold the same easy way out for us due to the ripening of karmas. So we must be prepared and train our minds with the current situation by Dharma work.

Not agreeing to Dharma work, we slow down the growth of Dharma and we set such a bad example to others. Setting bad examples to others doesn’t arise from a kind mind because we don’t take responsibility for others nor do we care. When we set bad examples to others, we damage their will power. If they don’t do dharma work, everyone waits for everyone else, then nothing grows. Doing Dharma work continuously irregardless of the 50 reasons we give, will help us to grow.

Not doing Dharma work will slow us down tremendously. It slows others down. Why? Because everyone affects everyone directly and indirectly. Don’t go back to your comfort zone and let everyone else do all the work and you just enjoy their fruits. How long do you think your karma will allow you to remain in your comfort zone? And ultimately deep within yourself, you won’t respect yourself if you remain in your comfort zone. Because you know that you can do something and you are not doing it.

Now is the time to start. Immediately.

Once you do it, you continuously do it.

This advice is for everyone. I would request everyone to look over it, contemplate and start something within our centre immediately. Everyone needs everyone. I need your help. You need to help. You need to help yourself. Dharma needs to grow. You need to grow by doing Dharma work.

Tsem Tulku Rinpoche

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In Buddhism, we believe in karma as much as we fear karma.

As much as we need to make a living in our worldly life, we also work hard to earn as much merits for our present life and our hereafter.

Karma and merits work hand in hand, although they are not the same things.

One may have the karma to meet with good fortune, but one may not have the merits to enjoy them for long. Or, it could be that one may have the merits to enjoy a luxurious life but may not have the karma to enjoy it for long because one's merits have run out.

This can be best illustrated in some famous celebrities' lives - whereby their fame finally begins to rise and they become successful, but they meet with a sudden death or terminal illness and everything is cut short.

Or another example is when someone finally gets rich and becomes successful. But they do not have the merits to enjoy their new wealthy state. They are constantly wrought with sickness and it never ends. Their illness just gets worse and until finally, they meet an early death.

Not having something and constantly chasing after it or yearning for it is a kind of suffering.

Having something and not being able to enjoy it is also another form of suffering.

Every aspect of our lives holds varying degrees of suffering.

These are all tied to our karma and merits.

Merits work very similar to credit or cash at one's bank account.

Without continued credit with the banks or cash in the bank accounts - one cannot continue to buy or do anything.

Merits can run out jus like credit and cash. If we do not replenish, we will be bankrupt of merits - thereby sealing our fates to something very unpleasant.

Doing Dharma work is the most direct way of accumulating a lot of merits and at the same time, purifying our negative karma.

Whether you believe in karma, merits or buddhism or not - it does not matter.

Whether you like it or not, we are all going to die at some point. And that is the time when everything will be judged - so-to-speak.

Doing good deeds never hurt or harm.

We can and should always do more good deeds.

At the end of the day, our merits can even come in handy - not only in saving our own lives but also in saving those we love.

We benefit not only ourselves but everyone else too.

Here is something extra to enrich your understanding of Dharma, Karma and the nature of Samsara.

Source: http://www.boloji.com/buddhism/00104.htm

Conquering Life: An essay on Karma
by Ch'onsa Kim

It is often difficult for us to feel in control of our lives. Unable to change the past, or control the events around us, it is easy to feel like a paper sailboat being tossed about on a stormy sea. The Dharma, however, offers us a different view. Within the Dharma we discover that we can control the nature of our lives, and that we can find an island of peace amidst this ocean of chaos we call life. Through understanding, we are able to conquer our lives.

The five things that are welcome in this world, but are difficult to attain, are long life, beauty, happiness, honor and heaven. These five auspicious and often sought after pleasures are not found easily. They do not come to us without effort. They do not come to us by way of day dreams or wishful thinking. If we wish to attain these, we must strive for them of our own merit. What is given to us can be easily taken away. Therefore, it is up to us to follow a path that leads us to the pleasures we seek. Those who prudently follow a wise path that leads to the attainment of these five pleasures, is said to attain these things - in both their human and divine existence.

The five things that we can not escape from in this world are age, sickness, change, death and karma.

These five things are the nature of Samsara (the cycle of suffering, birth and death).

Realizing this, can help improve the nature of our lives. Without clinging to our youth we allow ourselves to grow and mature. Realizing how fragile the nature of our existence is, we nurture ourselves and others. Realizing the impermanence of our lives, we find an appreciation of what is before us in the moment. Realizing death, life has value to us. Realizing we can not escape our karma, we begin to develop and cultivate a path that releases us from our self afflictions.

The life we live, is the result of how we have lived.

A life lived with pain and anguish (in dark karma) is a result of having lived controlled by our desire nature.

A life lived with merit (in light karma) is a result of having lived in control of our desire nature.

A life lived with both pain and joy (in dark and light karma) is a result of having lived both controlled by and in control of our desire nature.

A life lived with equanimity and peacefulness (in neither light nor dark karma) is the result of having lived free from our desire nature, and without taking delight in the benefit of our merits.

Karma is the chain that binds us to Samsara.

The debts of our dark karma bind us to the wheel of Samsara. Even living in light karma binds us to Samsara, for we are drawn to the delight of our merits. The merits of heaven shall also be spent and bring us rebirth in the lower worlds. Only when we live for the benefit of all living beings, without any intentions of self, can we break the chain of karma and find liberation.

We are the owners of our karma.

Karma, the fruit of our intentions, shape our lives. The intentions that create our karma are born of our own desire nature. Our karma manifests in the present, in the future, and even follows us in our future existences. What we run from, we shall run into. All that we reap, we must sow. Even if we allow others to carry our burden, they can not purify our karma for us, and we shall not share in the merit of their virtues.

We can control the nature of our lives.

Within this moment, the only moment that exists, the past, present and future are contained. We may not be able to change our past actions or the actions of others, or prevent its results, but we are in control of how we re-act upon them. The Buddha tells us that studying the nature of our actions (before, during and after we act) can help us discern what is helpful and what is a hindrance upon our path. He has given us the Noble Eightfold Path, and adapting this path to our way of life can help us overcome our desire nature, change the light of our karma, and conquer our lives.

May your karma be full of Dharma.

Re-Trace, Progress and Rejoice!

2010-10-26T00:46:00.004+08:00

Wow! I just realised that my last entry post was in September.

It has been a while, hasn't it?

I have been very busy to say the least. There is always something coming up.

But before October comes to an end, I would like to pen a few words to commemorate this special month.

For starters, it is the month that my Guru was born and it is the month when the new Kechara Prayer Hall (Gompa) will be completed.

My Guru, H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche was born on 24th October, 45 years ago.

Over the years, he has changed himself from looking like a model to a full fledge monk. One may wonder is there a certain look for a monk?

Apparently, there is - normally, people would expect a monk to look more like an ordinary bald guy - not some fashion magazine hot dude.

In actual fact, Rinpoche uses many different creative ways to teach all of us. Especially, HIS own body, speech and mind.

Last night, on 24th October, we celebrated Rinpoche's 45th birthday at Kechara House 1.

There was a mixture of sadness and happiness in the air.

Well, this was to be our very last big event at Kechara House 1. On 27th November 2010, we will be opening the new Kechara Gompa further down the street.

This existing Kechara House 1 will be turned into Kechara Media & Publications Office.

Over the years, Kechara has grown - from its humble beginnings in Kechara Paradise in SS2, Petaling Jaya.

As it is, Kechara House 1 seats up to about 200 over people. And it is already bursting at its seams.

Just take a look at the picture below. Look at the number of people packed in the room last night.

We barely had room to move!

Today, Kechara has 13 Departments, 3 Ladrangs (Kuala Lumpur, India and Nepal) and a new spanking prayer hall coming right up.

The new Kechara Gompa takes up 4 shop lots.

How is that for space?! Haha

It will be able to seat - are you ready for this - 700 people!

There will be a children's corner, library, three levels of pure blissful meditation halls and all of them wheel-chair friendly.

Most of all, there will be 3 magnificent huge statues housed within the new Gompa - a 10 ft. Lama Tsongkhapa, 7 ft. Setrap and 7 ft. Vajrayogini.

Workers worked round the clock to get this new Gompa up as soon as possible. You may not have imagined that the whole deal was just decided in June this year and soon after, the building works began.

As you can see, the trademark colour of Kechara's logo in Kechara's shade of purple. The logo of Kechara is the symbol of the Bam.

In Rinpoche's own words -

"The Bam symbol is a tantric symbol of Vajra Yogini's mind. And the potential of our ultimate mind to 'merge' with Her's. Merging with Her mind means we actually find the enlightened mind inherent in ourselves through Her practice.

So, seeing this BAM symbol blesses our mind and plants imprints to recieve Vajra Yogini's blessings to achieve this. I chose this Bam symbol to represent all of Kechara.

Kechara is the sanskrit word for VAJRA YOGINI'S PARADISE...the inner and outer paradise we can achieve by Her practice. The inner Kehcara is Enlightenment. The outer Kechara is an actual realm manifested from Vajra Yogini's mind that we can take rebirth in, to continue our practice without interruption."

And guess what, THE WORDS AND 'BAM' LOGO ACTUALLY LIGHTS UP AT NIGHT TOO!

Trust me when I say that it took a lot of head-cracking and ingenuity to make it happen.

I managed to creep into the opened entrance doors just to snap a quick picture of what will become the main reception.

Of course, it will all look superb once all the furniture and fittings are in place.

It will be the talk of the town, because Kechara is unlike any Dharma center - it is modern, funky, hip and sleek.

As swanky and funky as its Spiritual Advisor and Founder, H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche - yet deeply seated in the traditions of Gelugpa.

Any which way you look at it, the whole design is sleek and chic. Clean, simple lines and no clutter. Elegant and graceful. Indeed it is something to rejoice about, because it took many people's hard work, generosity, kindness and determination to make it happen. Most of all, it all began with the Guru. The Guru creates the very causes for Dharma to take root in any place and for the Dharma to grow.

We are all very fortunate to have a Guru who abides with us, and who continually cares for us all. Most of all, a Guru who teaches according to our ability to comprehend. This is something very special that I must say about Rinpoche - HE makes the Dharma relevant to us and our lives. In the process, we begin to understand how our lives are completely related to Dharma in every way.

I have decided to end this particular post with the picture of my dear Dharma brother, Andrew who managed to go beyond his fear of heights to take a special close-up picture of the Kechara Logo and words.

Andrew is a wonderful Dharma brother who has given up his 'samsara' job and works for Rinpoche, full-time in Rinpoche's Ladrang.

He is a prime example of someone who was not in the Dharma very long, but have given his whole heart and commitment to the Dharma.

This picture is especially meaningful to me, because it speaks of everything that Dharma inspires and what our Guru teaches.

When we truly go beyond ourselves, our fears, our selfishness and our self-cherishing ways - we can really achieve great heights.

Sometimes, we can even climb the "highest peaks".

This is the brand of Dharma that Rinpoche teaches us in Kechara. This is what it means to be a Kecharian.

Going beyond ourselves, caring for others even more and always, benefiting all around us.

We do not build Kechara for ourselves to enjoy and get together.

WE built Kechara for everyone because we want to benefit and help all others., including ourselves.

I sincerely hope to see all of you in Kechara some day.

Thank you for reading and following this blog.

May everyone have peace in their minds and true happiness that lasts in their hearts.

Kechara Gompa will open its doors to welcome all from 27th November 2010 onwards.

See you there!

Please MEET YOUR MEAT - ARE YOU READY?

2010-09-24T01:13:00.000+08:00

Please Watch & leave your thoughts in comments for me….

September 24, 2010

I would like you to take 12 MINUTES and 28 SECONDS out of your lives to please watch this video, then scroll down to the comments sections and leave me five thoughts that come across your mind after watching this video. It is my special request to everyone who visits this blog.
I would appreciate this very much.
Tsem Tulku

Source: blog.tsemtulku.com