I've put my rather unwell baby to sleep.
Just showered after my exercise.
Now, sitting infront of the lappie to log in my daily post.
This will be a short one. I hope.
I am really tired today.
Last night, I was doing some writing at Rinpoche's Ladrang with the E-Division Head, Beng Kooi. Otherwise, affectionately known as 'BK'.
Well, let me re-phrase that. I was trying to write what BK was directing me to write.
You know the way I write - its sooooo flowery, long winded and nothing resembling a corporate content.
I like the way BK cuts through the fluff and gloss. She helps me write precisely what Kechara needed to convey without the fluffy gloss.
So, only came home early this morning at 6am.
Slept at 7:30am and woke up at 9:30am.
I don't know how Rinpoche's Liasions and Kechara personnel do it, but they work like this almost every other day. Well, Rinpoche does it every day! But then again, Rinpoche is a Living Buddha.
But BK is not far behind, she is the Supreme Queen of No Sleep Needed.
I always suspected that she has a chip behind her neck somewhere because I just don't know how she can go on and on like the Energiser Bunny every single day. And she still smiles!
Hence, you have to salute these wonderful amazing individuals who truly push beyond themselves to do what needs to be done because they know that it will all benefit someone, somewhere, somehow.
As for me, just after experiencing one night of sleep-depravity, I am already a walking zombie.
So, what's the summary for Day Five...
Weight: I actually forgot to weigh myself today. Haha. I probably still weigh 54 kg. Well, I certainly hope so! Will weigh myself tomorrow morning and then we will know.
No. Of Prostrations: 21 - Pain is here to stay. This is because I never did a lick of exercise and this is why I am in pain. Please purify my body, speech and mind and remove all the obstacles to my body, speech and mind, especially the interferences to my mind. This is what I say everytime I go down with each prostration.
Daily Sadhanas: Had to break it up into 3 parts today as it was a busy day. But the good thing is that I noticed I don't need to have the room totally sealed with slience whenever I do my sadhanas now, not anymore. I can still continue and concentrate quite happily. Previously, whenever Izabella would come and chat with me while I was doing my sadhanas, and I would say to her in my irritated tone, "Can't you see that I am praying?"
That in itself is just so wrong. I mean, we all pray in order to become better people and to cultivate more compassion, but what did I say to the person right infront of me, my dearest little girl? Not very compassionate, is it? Which makes me think, what the hell I am praying for when I can't even exercise a little courtesy, control and kindness? After all, she just wanted to be with me. That is what struck me as absurb. I pray for so many good qualities and namely, compassion but I couldn't even dispense it to the one dearest and closest to me, or to the one sitting right next to me. But I was so intent on doing my sadhanas and completing them. Laughably twisted. Yea, I had it all backwards. I confess and I admit it all.
So, these days, it is very different. Izabella would be in the room with me. She could be drawing, reading or looking at photo albums and she would stop to chat with me every once in a while, and I would turn around and smile and answer her in a loving tone, and say, "Yes, darling". And after she got a reply from me, she would leave me be and I would continue with my sadhanas.
Sometimes she would ask what tea am I giving to Setrap today, or if she could sit with me while I pray. So, this sums up my little minute progress on a daily basis.
And yes, I do Black Tea Offering to Setrap every single day, without fail in my daily Sadhanas. I love Setrap!
For those of you who are not familiar with Setrap, well, he is the Wrathful Emanation of Buddha Amitabha. one ferocious "Terminator". That's what I call him. But really, he is a Dharma Protector. He protects those who are studying the Dharma or pursuing the Dharma. And he removes all the obstacles to our Dharma practice.
No, he will not answer your plea to get you a girlfriend or boyfriend, or aid you in finding a spouse. Setrap is not a dating agency or match maker. "He is the Terminator", remember that!
And no, Setrap is not going to help you get more money or win the lottery either. DHARMA and ONLY Dharma. Hence, he is called a Dharma Protector. My dearest friend, Sharon Saw of Kechara Media and Publications actually wrote a book about Setrap. It's everything that you ever wanted to know about the red fiery Setrap, and it comes complete with instructions, a DVD (in case you are adverse to reading) and a Setrap's prayer book. The best part is that all of the above comes in a box, together with a small tsa tsa of Setrap.
I have a strange feeling that some readers are blinking away like as if I have lost you. Ok, I'll even explain what a tsa tsa is - its somewhat like a mini version of a statue, but it is made of clay and it is flat so that you can travel anywhere with it. Tsa tsas are created for the ease and convenience in travelling with our holy Buddha images. OK, I better stop here because I am beginning to sound like a Sales Person.
All I will say is that I totally believe in Setrap and I actually make prayers to Setrap to help me assissinate my enemy within, namely my "self-cherising mind" and all its "entourage of delusions". So, please go to http://www.kechara.com/ if you want to find out more about the "Terminator" who removes all obstacles in our Dharma practice named: Dharmapala Setrap Chen.
To all my non-Buddhist friends and readers, Setrap is no different than an angel whose sole purpose is to help us get rid of our inner demons. Yes, He is just like that.
Physical Exercise: 55 minutes
Daily Reflection from "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?" - ok, its that time again, and today I closed my eyes and picked out page 035.
Quote from Page 035 for Day Five:
" Stop looking for reasons not to practise. Stop looking for reasons to be unhappy. Where has that gotten you? Surrender! If you do not want to be happy for yourself, then be happy for the people you claim you love. Make them happy by being happy yourself."
Personal Thoughts and Feelings:
For me, I just do not want to continue blaming others for everything - be it an unhappy event or emotion, or anything that went wrong in my life. Nor am I dependent on others to make me happy either.
Actually, all I needed to do was just to care, pay attention, listen well, be respectful and be more considerate to the people around me.
Our happiness is not at the mercy of someone else. But other people are definitely at the mercy of our loving kindness.
So, if we truly love the people we say we love then it is time to look from their point of reference, and not ours. It is time to let go and give ourself over to Compassionate Love and stop being so calculative about every single thing.
If there is anything worth calculating, it is how much we are willing to invest in making ourself better individuals, and becoming truly relevant to the lives of those we say we love. So, if we don't start now, then when? When it is too late? When there is no one around or alive to hear, experience and see?
So, I make it a point nowadays to do the things I really want to do with all my heart and say the things that I want to say to those I cherish on a daily basis. I am not going to be miserly about expressing love and care anymore.
In that way, even if the time of death does come a little too soon, I would have said the things I want to say to the people who are meant to hear them and I have not held back like it is better to save it for some rainy day notion.
Not everyone can wait for us to be ready, well and willing. Like I said again, it is not from our point of reference but from theirs. When you see the joy in others and they are all worth it.
Happiness is best served when shared. Don't you think?
That's all from me tonight. Got to lie down now, really need to sleep.
Tomorrow is a brand new day. So, its 5 down and 95 to go.
Cheerios! Night and night.
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