Showing posts with label SOCIAL ISSUES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SOCIAL ISSUES. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

THE RIGHT TO LOVE AND MARRY THE PERSON WE CHOOSE


As of now, Gay Rights and Equality are being debated all across the USA. To hear/read the words GAY RIGHTS in the same sentence as the US Supreme Court is something I did not imagine I'd live to see. I have many LGBT (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transexuals) friends in Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand and United States. I have lost a few over the past years due to a variety of reasons. It is a real shame that they could not live to witness the changes sweeping all over USA right now.  I believe, this CHANGE will also impact the world over once the laws are effectively passed for the LGBT community in the USA. For this, I shall be celebrating. For this, I can gladly say that the rest of the world may look to the USA in order to MOVE into the right direction so that the rest of humanity can follow. 

In many countries outside of the United States, LGBT RIGHTS are nonexistent or moderately tolerated. For example, in a Muslim country like Malaysia, there are laws against sodomy. Needless to say, their rights are "largely marginalised" in Malaysia. You can read more about LGBT Rights in Malaysia here

Personally, I wish some of my LGBT dearly departed friends were still around to experience this long overdue recognition of their freedom to love and marry whoever they choose which is taking place in the USA as we speak. I say this with all my heart, because they have taught me a great deal about love, relationships, life and even marriage. 

One of the most enduring and loving relationships/marriages I know is this LGBT couple I adore. If you see them together, you would never imagine that they could be a couple. One loves classical music such as Opera and Brahms. The other enjoys Country & Western. One loves outdoor sports and worships the sun like she is the solar system that revolves around it. But her partner would not be caught dead near a bush or a tree because she likes staying indoors, far away from the harmful UV rays, with her books, music and movies. However, to this day, they both continue to nurture, love and support one another despite their personal differences or preferences. And they have been doing so for over 25 years. They were married long before it was "allowed". Their marriage has definitely outlived most heterosexual marriages I know of, including mine. Of course, they do work at their marriage. It is a constant work-in-progress, as they both grow and age together - so they tell me all the time. It is no different than any other relationship or couple on the planet. Their marriage is a living testament that when two people who are right for each other fall in love and work at staying together, it defines a blessed union - no matter how you want to label it.

The many liberties that we (heterosexuals) take for granted on a daily basis, are callously denied of our fellow LGBT brothers and sisters in the community at large. In fact, I did not even see this until it was pointed out to me by my friend more than a decade ago. He told me that he and his partner had to be more "cautious" when going out to public places. They cannot be too "overly" loving towards one another. So, you can definitely forget about PDAs. They cannot even hold hands without other people watching them, or giving them the "evil eye". Prior to his revelation, I myself had not noticed that all the simple gestures, and the licence to express ourselves which we, as heterosexuals, have been enjoying all along are indeed denied of the LGBT community in Asian countries. Hence, in Malaysia and Singapore, it is not uncommon to find that "they" had  to adjust themselves in order to suit us, because "they" did not want to  "disturb" our sense of peace and order - as my friend kindly put it. It is was "they" who had to be "considerate" of our sensibilities. 

Imagine if you had to modify who you are and how you behave just so you don't have to "upset" the society at large. Imagine if you had to live your life in this manner and was not allowed to protest, because experience has taught you to bow your head low so that you do not bring any "unnecessary attention" to yourself and your "kind". Can you imagine living in such a way? I didn't think so.

In Malaysia or other Asian countries, some ignorant folks associate the word: "GAY" with derogatory meaning, HIV, AIDS or fear itself. It is used in jokes to belittle someone in schools, playgrounds, work place and etc. Recently in Malaysia, they (some "bright government officials and agencies") thought that it was a disease that could be cured. Or that, dressing their children in a certain way could turn them gay. Or, that a certain code of conduct could infect one to become gay. Yes, there were all kinds of ludicrous remarks and assumptions made, and all of them even made the headline news in the Malaysian newspapers/media. 

This only proves my firm belief that ignorance is not bliss, but a real hindrance to progress for humanity.    

I sincerely hope and pray that the United States set the way (and wave) to change the world into a far better place for my LGBT friends all over the world by first passing the laws in favour of GAY RIGHTS. It has been long time coming. They should never be "prosecuted" for being true to who they are in the first place. Above all, they are born with the right to love and choose as they please, just like the rest of us. No one should be denied or robbed of that birth right. 

Love never did anyone any harm. Seriously. The most damage comes from ignorance, hate and discrimination. It's time to end the negativity, and become a WHOLE community again.

I dedicate this post to all my dearly beloved LGBT friends everywhere, and especially, to those who are no longer with us. May their hearts smile from wherever they are.

Perhaps some day soon, we can call ourselves a civilised society and own it.

Spread the love if you agree.


Peace to all. 






Friday, March 22, 2013

THE RAPE CULTURE AND THE LAWS THAT REINFORCES IT

Yes, I know you have read more than your fair share of the Steubenville Rape Story and how the victim was made to suffer long after the trial. Not just by her peers, her friends or her community - but by the media as well when they chose to sympathize with the rapists and not the victim.

If it outraged you in any way, then please take the time and read about this other rape victim's case. And this took place in Maldives. 

A 15 year old Maldivian girl was repeatedly raped by her stepfather to the point that she got pregnant with his child. He then murdered the baby as soon as it was delivered. Now, the Maldivian Government wants to punish the 15 year old girl by flogging her in public.
She was sentenced to be whipped 100 times. 

"Now the court says she must be flogged for “sex outside marriage” with a man who has not even been named!" 

I have taken the liberty to copy and paste the story below.

You can also go directly to the link here

Please sign the petition and share it. 

Thank you. 


Horror in paradise

To President Mohammed Waheed Hassan:

As concerned global citizens, we call on you to do more to protect vulnerable women and children. We welcome your government’s initial intervention in the case of the 15-year-old rape victim, but real justice will only be delivered when you end the practice of flogging in the Maldives, and change the law so that it better protects the victims of rape and sexual abuse.
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Posted: 20 March 2013
It's hard to believe, but a 15-year-old rape survivor has been sentenced to be whipped 100 times in public! Let's put an end to this lunacy by hitting the Maldives government where it hurts: the tourism industry.

The girl's stepfather is accused of raping her for years and murdering the baby she bore. Now the court says she must be flogged for “sex outside marriage” with a man who has not even been named! President Waheed of the Maldives is already feeling global pressure on this, and we can force him to save this girl and change the law to spare other victims this cruel fate. This is how we can end the War on Women – by standing up every time an outrage like this happens.

Tourism is the big earner for the Maldives elite, including government ministers. Let's build a million-strong petition to President Waheed this week, then threaten the islands' reputation through hard-hitting ads in travel magazines and online until he steps in to save her and abolish this outrageous law. Sign now and share this with everyone to get us to a million!



Sunday, March 10, 2013

What does it mean to be a woman today?

I have a confession to make...

My writing has taken a back seat these past few weeks. I have had to attend to more personal and family matters. It is amazing how fast time speeds by when taking care of others. I must admit, I do get frustrated at times when my time is being spent on others and not on myself...I may sound selfish here, but I am being honest. I am not built for taking care of others 24/7. I like to be able to do my own things in between taking care of others. I like to be able to retreat to my writing and literary world. They are my sanctuary as well as source of life. Hence, this is why I admire people who can give up their lives and just do stuff for others 24/7. They are a different breed, and definitely a breed above the rest. Salute to them!



I am a single mother. That said, I do not identify myself as a typical single mother. Although by my "legal status" in life, I belong to this category. However, I am luckier than most as I have a strong and supportive family network. Plus, I am not struggling to survive as many single mothers are. This is not to suggest that I am living off any fat alimony pay off. I live modestly and there is no alimony at all. Hence, the identity and role of women are very dear to my heart for many personal reasons.

As it is when my daughter is sick or has had an major accident (according to her level), my life would be affected in drastic measures. Everything I usually do, would pause. Even then, I don't believe that I am doing a good job in taking care of her (please read my intro paragraph). What I do and try to do, is just deal with the crazy motions of the day as best I can. And if you have met my daughter, you know that she deserves a whole new category. She is something else :)

Let's just say, without her in my life, I would probably end up being a slacker all my life or a beach bum. So, although I am eternally grateful for her, I do question if I am doing a good job. She pushes me to boundaries which I did not even know I had and gives me courage to do more than I could imagine. Especially in nursing bad bloody wounds and catching icky bugs.

As I have said, writing to me is like chocolate and ice cream to a kid. These days, I am beginning to wonder if I have the passion to write but no real talent for it. Hey, the truth hurts. So, I may have to own up at some point and just face it.

In any case, when I can't afford the time to write. I read and I try to read as much as I can. Or watch movies. Sometimes, if I am really lucky, I might get some ideas from watching movies and reading.

Yes, just please bear with me - I am getting to the point of my post that is relevant to the title of this post :)

(And btw, I did not slack in taking care of my daughter in all this time.)

As I was reading mostly articles on the net, I was shocked by how some articles get published at all. Well, if it is any consolation I still get shocked at why any of mine would be published too.

But nothing shocked me more than the comments that come after these articles. Of course, these comments are made by readers or visitors to the sites/articles. Some are downright rude and just mean. Others are preaching about how we have abandoned God and how we are made to pay for not believing in God. It shocks me that so much negativity reside in so many people.

Mind you, these articles are from different sites and of different subject matter. Yes, it is still possible that it might be the same group of people hiding behind different personas. In this cyber age, all things are possible.

Yes, I am reaching my point of this post -

There are so many sites and articles dedicated to WOMEN and so little to MEN. Why is that?

Then there are so many women blaming all the men for their problems in the world and most of all, the inequality that thrives in various places.

Male bashing is so intense and passionate that it demands a new scientific study of its own. Seriously.

While I do agree that there are some very unsavoury and bad men around, the same can be said about women too.

In fact, I have witnessed more women bashing other women than I care to recall. Just take a look at high school "popularity contest" and then tell me that it does not flow over into their adulthoods.

I have seen how some girls grow up into just meaner women as they age. Their negativity and bitterness just deepen like wine which turned into the worst vinegar. Sad to say.

And it boogles my mind, why it still persists to this day - especially when we keep saying that our education has improved, knowledge and information are more accessible to everyone...yet we do see and sometimes personally have experienced the ire of the women who have turned into the most cruel females as we advance into each century.

For example, my daughter has built her own self-defense mechanism as she has had to do while at school. This year, the gloves come off because she finally joins the "TEENS" category. She knows things have changed and she can feel it. Like I how I felt. I am just surprised that it is still happening at this day and age.

Question 1: All men and women came from women as in their mothers. What have their mothers have been or not have been teaching these men and women? 

I am just wondering. Especially when the said problems seem to repeat themselves over time. By this, I do mean centuries and not just years. So, do the problems really stem from the boys and then to men? Or are we (girls and women) just as guilty?

Question 2: Are women really that vulnerable and helpless that they need sites, articles and posts to remind them or educate them how to be a better woman?

And if there are so much "help out there" already in existence, why women are not evolving to becoming better women by now?

I do not discredit the fact that women have come a long way. But I also wonder what are the benefits and definitions of women's advancement in today's context?



Does it equate to a woman being able to have sex with whomever and whenever she pleases?

Does it mean that she can afford to buy however many shoes and handbags as she wants?

Does it empower her to "steal" other people's boyfriends, fiances and husbands?

Does it give her the right to betray other women and be jealous/envious that she needs to gossip about other women?

Does it permit her to wear whatever she wants but does not take the responsibility for that attire when she gets into trouble for it?

Does it translate to "no men objectifying women" but women is allowed to pursue extreme measures to "beautify" themselves in whatever means or form? Who is objectifying who, at the end of the day?

Or, is it reflected in her self-awareness and higher education or intellect that she can easily acquire the job that she deserves or fulfill her dreams/goals?

So, it is acceptable for women to bash women but not men to bash women? Shouldn't the right thing be NO BASHING ALLOWED - regardless of gender?

All I know is that all negativity begets more negativity and it is a bottomless pits that covers all manners of sins.

I do not believe any human being needs to undergo any form of negativity - unless they have committed a heinous crime against humanity itself. (And even then, there is a right way to pursue justice.) It is genderless and race-less. It is about mutual respect, kindness and common courtesy.

Or perhaps, these attributes are becoming extinct?

Honestly, life is already as challenging as it is - no one needs another unkind word or unpleasant gesture to make it worse for anyone else.



As we celebrate another year of International Women's Day - I beg to ask,

What does it really mean to be a woman today?

You tell me.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

No Love Allowed - The Assassination of the Heart




Ms. Jada Pinkett Smith shares some beautiful thought-provoking words, inspired from Rihanna's song: "No Love Allowed".




It is interesting that Ms. J likens the end of a relationship to the murder of the heart. 






I suppose, in some ways, our hearts do die a sort of death when the ones we have loved and cherished choose to dispose of us.




However, I find that during the course of a relationship, the act of "murder" has been systematically carried out through a period of time before the "final blow" occurs.




A breakdown of a relationship or friendship does not happen in one sweeping act - even if it does, it is very rare.




Usually it is a series of breakdowns that occur over a long period of time that lead to an eventual demise of a relationship or friendship.




No one ever enters into a relationship with the thought of breaking it down or leaving. Hence, it takes a succession of "murders" to gnaw away at our hearts, love, hopes and cherished ideals before it finally kills us off. Emotionally, as well as mentally.




As Ms. Jada Pinkett Smith eloquently shares -





I have always loved these words in this song because I believe it is indicative of emotional murder that I see too often.

What is emotional murder? How we objectify people in relationships is emotional murder. How we USE people for a FUNCTION in relationships is emotional murder. How we can claim an individual to be the love of our lives but yet replace them within a day or two with a new life-love is…emotional murder. Can true love dispose of love in that way? My opinion is no. My opinion is that we can only dispose of people in that way when we have objectified them. I believe this is very closely related to the objectification of actual murders.
I don’t think we recognize how much, in how many ways, or all the justifications we give ourselves to USE people in the name of love. It’s one of the worst crimes. I don’t think we realize how easily we are willing to dispose of a person after the feelings are all used up.

But is it possible to use a person up… if we are actually in a relationship with the person themselves and relating to what we value within them as a human being, as a lover, a wife, a husband, a friend, a mother, afather and so on? Can we dispose of people when we relate to them beyond how they make us feel? With that in mind, if a relationship has changed or altered could it merit disposal? You tell me.


J


Lack of acknowledgment – murders the heart


Lack of gratitude and appreciation – murders the heart

Dishonesty – murders the heart

Domination – murders the heart

Passivity – murders the heart

If you like…continue the list.





In our daily lives, these types of murders probably occur in our heads a few times in a day.

If each of us were tried and sentenced according to the murderous acts that are carried out in our heads/hearts, we might have to be sent to prison several times a day.


Hate - Murders the heart
Expectations - Murders the heart
Apathy - Murders the heart
Anger - Murders the heart
Inertia - Murders the heart

What we do not realise is that as we mentally or emotionally "kill" someone in our head or hearts, we are also killing our own hearts in return. 

Negative thoughts always begat the death of positive thoughts.

Nothing kills humanity more than negativity.


As we dispense violence and hate onto people around us in our every-day lives, we think that we are disposing of "bad rubbish" from our lives. However, we may also run the risk of assassinating all that is good and positive in ourselves.

I know it is not easy to shield ourselves from someone else's emotional or mental attack on us. Sometimes, we are left paralysed with fear or crippled with emotional/mental wounds.

It is not easy to NOT be engulfed by all the negative emotions that someone may put us through or throw at us. It is not easy to shake off the lack of their love, care or kindness. Sometimes, an escape may not even be possible.

However, we do have a choice. WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.

We do not need to be pulled into someone else's vortex of negative emotions and thoughts. Their deadly emotional or mental storms need not eat us up IF we do not allow it.

We can refuse to be dragged into it. 

We can learn to disassociate ourselves from their negativity.

We need not be driven to commit any further negative acts or thoughts just because they are doing it. 

In time, we can even learn to drawn them into our world of peace.

A relationship may end, for whatever reason - but the people involved need not "die a horrible death" or be "murdered" in the emotional or mental sense. 

What we are choosing to dispose of is really the negativity that has been ruling the relationship. 

No one deserves to be imprisoned in a negative relationship or a relationship with a violently negative individual.

When we truly understand how we do not want to be used, disposed of or remotely experience any pain and suffering, we would truly exert more effort in not doing the same to those around us.

When we value love, respect and kindness - we would take the time to treat others with such. 

Then, in time, we each would become a source of peace as well as love.

Most people think of love as romantic love. However, I think that love is all encompassing and applies to all of humanity. When this love dies, the heart dies. 

To me, Love is the oxygen that fuels humanity.

Peace to all!



Thursday, February 28, 2013

Knowledge Vs. Understanding

Knowing does not automatically equate to understanding.




At this day and age, where every type of information is readily available and accessible at the touch of a button, knowledge is literally out there for anyone who is willing to find and read.

Nothing is hardly a secret anymore.
At the rate we are going, "priviledged information" may become a relic or extinct.

However, knowing something does not mean that you understand it - in entirety with its depth, width and breadth. 

Data and information make up knowledge.

To decipher what those information and data means requires understanding.

Understanding comes with experience and insight. These are usually accomplished through lessons one had learnt personally, and when one had undergone a process or journey of experiences.

As they say, smooth seas do not make good sailors. The same could be applied to understanding. Without having gone through difficulties and challenges in life, one would not arrive at a deeper state of understanding - not just about oneself, but also about the people around us and our environment. 

This is also why they say that LIFE IS A JOURNEY because our learning and understanding never ends. They become refined, deepened and widened as we "travel" through the various paths of our lives.

After many experiences, higher levels of understandings arise and that would lead to us cultivating the wisdom in choosing the right course of action for ourselves.

Wisdom is understanding the difference between knowing what to do and how to do it right.

This week was an exposition on understanding for me, as played out by a certain Parent and Teachers Meeting that I had to attend.

While the Teachers are advocating for a "new" method of reporting on the students' performance at school, the parents are expressing how the "new" method of reporting do not give them sufficient information.

The hostile exchanges between parents and teachers are not unusual than any other hostility which we have witnessed many times over in our own every day lives.

As always, the parents spoke from fear that they cannot properly understand if their children are doing well in school because the new method of reporting are not the ones they can relate to. They are from the old school of thought whereby one's performance is measured in "percentages".

Then, there are the teachers who believe that these "percentages" are archaic and do not help the child to learn or grow at his or her own pace. 

Both sides are right in their views. Both views present valuable tools in helping a student learn.

Sitting in the room, it is interesting to hear different parent or teacher speak. Almost without meaning to, one can gain an insight to how each of their childhood was like and how they have been conditioned. At the end of the meeting, it became clear that we are all governed by our own "conditioning of past experiences" and our understanding stems from there. 

This is not to say it is wrong or right. This is to state that we can only see as much as we have learnt. If our past experiences did not include certain challenges in life, we may not know how to relate to those who had. We may not come to understand why they hold different perceptions from us. And there lies the breeding space for disagreements and outright confrontations. 

When we keep insisting that the other person see the way we see and feel the way we feel, we would not arrive at a common ground. We fail to understand that it is simply not possible for every person to accept our views, because not everyone goes through the same processes and "life journeys" as we did in order to arrive at their own conclusions about what is acceptable and not acceptable.





When we choose to remain attached to our own ideas, perceptions and feelings, we allow a greater divide to take place. 

Some parents would not agree with other parents, while finding the teachers most un-accommodating as well. 

One thing is for certain, every parent spoke out of genuine concern for their child. Which parent would want their child to fail? Of course, all parents would like to know that their child is doing well so that their child can progress and be accepted in "good/reputable" schools. 

However, the definition of "doing well" carries different meanings and manners of assessment for the parents and teachers.

And that is where the real problem brews...the lack of understanding in one another's definition. 

Understanding, unfortunately, would also differ from person to person based on their own life experiences and past conditioning. The lenses in our mind are definitely coloured and bias according to how we have lived, have been brought up and etc. Therefore, it does not necessarily mean that something is not true just because we don't understand it or see it.

When one is willing to go outside of one's perspective in order to see where the other person is coming from, then a new level of understanding can be created and achieved. 

Without having a desire or intention to understand more, we are all doomed to live within the confines of our own little corner of the world in our mind and see only what we want to see. Imagine how very narrow our world would be if we did not step outside of our own little boxes.

Once we expand our minds with greater understanding, it cannot shrink into its previous shape or size. That is the beauty of our minds. Once it expands, it stays expanded. Wish we could do that for every other part of our bodies too ;)

As Albert Einstein famously said, "Any fool can know. The point is to understand."

May we all rise to a deeper, higher and richer understanding, always!

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