What does it mean to be a woman today?

I have a confession to make...

My writing has taken a back seat these past few weeks. I have had to attend to more personal and family matters. It is amazing how fast time speeds by when taking care of others. I must admit, I do get frustrated at times when my time is being spent on others and not on myself...I may sound selfish here, but I am being honest. I am not built for taking care of others 24/7. I like to be able to do my own things in between taking care of others. I like to be able to retreat to my writing and literary world. They are my sanctuary as well as source of life. Hence, this is why I admire people who can give up their lives and just do stuff for others 24/7. They are a different breed, and definitely a breed above the rest. Salute to them!

I am a single mother. That said, I do not identify myself as a typical single mother. Although by my "legal status" in life, I belong to this category. However, I am luckier than most as I have a strong and supportive family network. Plus, I am not struggling to survive as many single mothers are. This is not to suggest that I am living off any fat alimony pay off. I live modestly and there is no alimony at all. Hence, the identity and role of women are very dear to my heart for many personal reasons.

As it is when my daughter is sick or has had an major accident (according to her level), my life would be affected in drastic measures. Everything I usually do, would pause. Even then, I don't believe that I am doing a good job in taking care of her (please read my intro paragraph). What I do and try to do, is just deal with the crazy motions of the day as best I can. And if you have met my daughter, you know that she deserves a whole new category. She is something else :)

Let's just say, without her in my life, I would probably end up being a slacker all my life or a beach bum. So, although I am eternally grateful for her, I do question if I am doing a good job. She pushes me to boundaries which I did not even know I had and gives me courage to do more than I could imagine. Especially in nursing bad bloody wounds and catching icky bugs.

As I have said, writing to me is like chocolate and ice cream to a kid. These days, I am beginning to wonder if I have the passion to write but no real talent for it. Hey, the truth hurts. So, I may have to own up at some point and just face it.

In any case, when I can't afford the time to write. I read and I try to read as much as I can. Or watch movies. Sometimes, if I am really lucky, I might get some ideas from watching movies and reading.

Yes, just please bear with me - I am getting to the point of my post that is relevant to the title of this post :)

(And btw, I did not slack in taking care of my daughter in all this time.)

As I was reading mostly articles on the net, I was shocked by how some articles get published at all. Well, if it is any consolation I still get shocked at why any of mine would be published too.

But nothing shocked me more than the comments that come after these articles. Of course, these comments are made by readers or visitors to the sites/articles. Some are downright rude and just mean. Others are preaching about how we have abandoned God and how we are made to pay for not believing in God. It shocks me that so much negativity reside in so many people.

Mind you, these articles are from different sites and of different subject matter. Yes, it is still possible that it might be the same group of people hiding behind different personas. In this cyber age, all things are possible.

Yes, I am reaching my point of this post -

There are so many sites and articles dedicated to WOMEN and so little to MEN. Why is that?

Then there are so many women blaming all the men for their problems in the world and most of all, the inequality that thrives in various places.

Male bashing is so intense and passionate that it demands a new scientific study of its own. Seriously.

While I do agree that there are some very unsavoury and bad men around, the same can be said about women too.

In fact, I have witnessed more women bashing other women than I care to recall. Just take a look at high school "popularity contest" and then tell me that it does not flow over into their adulthoods.

I have seen how some girls grow up into just meaner women as they age. Their negativity and bitterness just deepen like wine which turned into the worst vinegar. Sad to say.

And it boogles my mind, why it still persists to this day - especially when we keep saying that our education has improved, knowledge and information are more accessible to everyone...yet we do see and sometimes personally have experienced the ire of the women who have turned into the most cruel females as we advance into each century.

For example, my daughter has built her own self-defense mechanism as she has had to do while at school. This year, the gloves come off because she finally joins the "TEENS" category. She knows things have changed and she can feel it. Like I how I felt. I am just surprised that it is still happening at this day and age.

Question 1: All men and women came from women as in their mothers. What have their mothers have been or not have been teaching these men and women? 

I am just wondering. Especially when the said problems seem to repeat themselves over time. By this, I do mean centuries and not just years. So, do the problems really stem from the boys and then to men? Or are we (girls and women) just as guilty?

Question 2: Are women really that vulnerable and helpless that they need sites, articles and posts to remind them or educate them how to be a better woman?

And if there are so much "help out there" already in existence, why women are not evolving to becoming better women by now?

I do not discredit the fact that women have come a long way. But I also wonder what are the benefits and definitions of women's advancement in today's context?

Does it equate to a woman being able to have sex with whomever and whenever she pleases?

Does it mean that she can afford to buy however many shoes and handbags as she wants?

Does it empower her to "steal" other people's boyfriends, fiances and husbands?

Does it give her the right to betray other women and be jealous/envious that she needs to gossip about other women?

Does it permit her to wear whatever she wants but does not take the responsibility for that attire when she gets into trouble for it?

Does it translate to "no men objectifying women" but women is allowed to pursue extreme measures to "beautify" themselves in whatever means or form? Who is objectifying who, at the end of the day?

Or, is it reflected in her self-awareness and higher education or intellect that she can easily acquire the job that she deserves or fulfill her dreams/goals?

So, it is acceptable for women to bash women but not men to bash women? Shouldn't the right thing be NO BASHING ALLOWED - regardless of gender?

All I know is that all negativity begets more negativity and it is a bottomless pits that covers all manners of sins.

I do not believe any human being needs to undergo any form of negativity - unless they have committed a heinous crime against humanity itself. (And even then, there is a right way to pursue justice.) It is genderless and race-less. It is about mutual respect, kindness and common courtesy.

Or perhaps, these attributes are becoming extinct?

Honestly, life is already as challenging as it is - no one needs another unkind word or unpleasant gesture to make it worse for anyone else.

As we celebrate another year of International Women's Day - I beg to ask,

What does it really mean to be a woman today?

You tell me.

Knowledge Vs. Understanding

Knowing does not automatically equate to understanding.

At this day and age, where every type of information is readily available and accessible at the touch of a button, knowledge is literally out there for anyone who is willing to find and read.

Nothing is hardly a secret anymore.
At the rate we are going, "priviledged information" may become a relic or extinct.

However, knowing something does not mean that you understand it - in entirety with its depth, width and breadth. 

Data and information make up knowledge.

To decipher what those information and data means requires understanding.

Understanding comes with experience and insight. These are usually accomplished through lessons one had learnt personally, and when one had undergone a process or journey of experiences.

As they say, smooth seas do not make good sailors. The same could be applied to understanding. Without having gone through difficulties and challenges in life, one would not arrive at a deeper state of understanding - not just about oneself, but also about the people around us and our environment. 

This is also why they say that LIFE IS A JOURNEY because our learning and understanding never ends. They become refined, deepened and widened as we "travel" through the various paths of our lives.

After many experiences, higher levels of understandings arise and that would lead to us cultivating the wisdom in choosing the right course of action for ourselves.

Wisdom is understanding the difference between knowing what to do and how to do it right.

This week was an exposition on understanding for me, as played out by a certain Parent and Teachers Meeting that I had to attend.

While the Teachers are advocating for a "new" method of reporting on the students' performance at school, the parents are expressing how the "new" method of reporting do not give them sufficient information.

The hostile exchanges between parents and teachers are not unusual than any other hostility which we have witnessed many times over in our own every day lives.

As always, the parents spoke from fear that they cannot properly understand if their children are doing well in school because the new method of reporting are not the ones they can relate to. They are from the old school of thought whereby one's performance is measured in "percentages".

Then, there are the teachers who believe that these "percentages" are archaic and do not help the child to learn or grow at his or her own pace. 

Both sides are right in their views. Both views present valuable tools in helping a student learn.

Sitting in the room, it is interesting to hear different parent or teacher speak. Almost without meaning to, one can gain an insight to how each of their childhood was like and how they have been conditioned. At the end of the meeting, it became clear that we are all governed by our own "conditioning of past experiences" and our understanding stems from there. 

This is not to say it is wrong or right. This is to state that we can only see as much as we have learnt. If our past experiences did not include certain challenges in life, we may not know how to relate to those who had. We may not come to understand why they hold different perceptions from us. And there lies the breeding space for disagreements and outright confrontations. 

When we keep insisting that the other person see the way we see and feel the way we feel, we would not arrive at a common ground. We fail to understand that it is simply not possible for every person to accept our views, because not everyone goes through the same processes and "life journeys" as we did in order to arrive at their own conclusions about what is acceptable and not acceptable.

When we choose to remain attached to our own ideas, perceptions and feelings, we allow a greater divide to take place. 

Some parents would not agree with other parents, while finding the teachers most un-accommodating as well. 

One thing is for certain, every parent spoke out of genuine concern for their child. Which parent would want their child to fail? Of course, all parents would like to know that their child is doing well so that their child can progress and be accepted in "good/reputable" schools. 

However, the definition of "doing well" carries different meanings and manners of assessment for the parents and teachers.

And that is where the real problem brews...the lack of understanding in one another's definition. 

Understanding, unfortunately, would also differ from person to person based on their own life experiences and past conditioning. The lenses in our mind are definitely coloured and bias according to how we have lived, have been brought up and etc. Therefore, it does not necessarily mean that something is not true just because we don't understand it or see it.

When one is willing to go outside of one's perspective in order to see where the other person is coming from, then a new level of understanding can be created and achieved. 

Without having a desire or intention to understand more, we are all doomed to live within the confines of our own little corner of the world in our mind and see only what we want to see. Imagine how very narrow our world would be if we did not step outside of our own little boxes.

Once we expand our minds with greater understanding, it cannot shrink into its previous shape or size. That is the beauty of our minds. Once it expands, it stays expanded. Wish we could do that for every other part of our bodies too ;)

As Albert Einstein famously said, "Any fool can know. The point is to understand."

May we all rise to a deeper, higher and richer understanding, always!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2013!

JUST A BRIEF NOTE TO SAY "THANK YOU" FOR ALL YOUR KIND SUPPORT IN WHATEVER FORM OR MEASURE. I TRULY APPRECIATE IT.

I know that I have been a little quiet over the past week or so. I have been really busy with travels and the festivities. Yes, the stories will continue and the pace will pick up soon.

This is the first year, in a long time now, that I truly feel the spirit of giving and forgiving. And I realise, it must be due to the fact that I am not closing my heart and mind as much as I used to.

As the year comes to a close, I have much to be grateful for. There is nothing that I have to or can complain about. This year has been instrumental in showing me a deeper part of myself. As they say, the journey within never ends. As soon as we think we have figured something out, something else will pop out to show us how very little that we really know.

I guess this is how everyone grows and evolve further with time and each learning experience. I am very thankful that I am surrounded by real friends and families who sincerely care about my development as an individual. Eventually, I hope that I will truly become the person I aspire to be.

EVERY FRIENDSHIP HAS EDUCATED ME IN ITS OWN WAY AND ENRICH MY LIFE BEYOND WORDS. I AM FORTUNATE TO STILL HAVE THE FRIENDS I HOLD DEAR, AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO MEET NEW ONES FROM VARIOUS LANDS.

I WISH THE VERY BEST TO ONE AND ALL. SINCERELY HOPE THAT THE NEW YEAR WILL BRING ABOUT MUCH JOY AND PEACE FOR EVERYONE IN ALL COUNTRIES.

MAY 2013 BE YOUR BEST YEAR YET - WHERE WISHES WILL BE FULFILLED AND LIFE WILL BE DEFINED WITH MEANING AND PURPOSE.

MAY ALL NEW VENTURES BRING ABOUT THE SUCCESS AND RECOGNITION WHICH YOU SO SEEK AND HAVE WORKED HARD FOR.

FOR FRIENDS THAT FAR, I PRAY THAT YOU ARE ALL WELL AND HAPPY AS ALWAYS AND I LOOK FORWARD TO OUR PATHS CROSSING AGAIN.

TO THOSE WHO ARE NEAR, THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME AND BELIEVING.

TO EVERYONE ELSE -

LET GO OF THE PAIN AND HURT. LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT TO BE CLINGING ONTO ALL THESE NEGATIVITY.

LEARN FROM YESTERDAY.

LIVE FOR TODAY.

HOPE FOR TOMORROW.

DON'T LOSE YOUR FAITH AND KEEP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF.

MAKE THIS COMING YEAR COUNT!

2013, HERE WE COME!

Story Seven from "A Symphony of Short Stories"

Story Seven: "WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS"

From the Diary of Jennifer Li

I will NEVER go on a cheap tour EVER again. EVER!!!!

Do you know what I am talking about here?

You would have to wake up at an un-holy hour to catch an early bus ride.

You could barely think straight, and none of your eyelids would be working at that time.

Your mind would still be lingering in that warm comfy bed, along with a dream that you were enjoying before that annoying phone rang to make sure that you were REALLY AND TRULY AWAKE. Or else, they would just keep ringing every 5 minutes.

People tell me that the worst thing about getting up from bed IS actually getting out of bed. But once you are out from bed, you’ll be fine. So NOT true!

But you know what’s the worst thing about getting up THIS KIND of early? It’s that bloody cold shower you know you MUST take, because it was too early for the hot water to be fully conscious and running!

And to top it all off, YOU ARE ON A FUCKING HOLIDAY!

Never again.

NEVER AGAIN.

That’s what I keep telling myself. I don’t care how cheap it is. I am not falling for it ever!

There is a GOOD reason why it is so bloody cheap!

All basic human sensibilities would be stripped and tattered by the time you’re dragged through their crammed itinerary of cities, sights and monuments. Some of which you would not be able to remember, because you are still too jet lagged coming in from the last city.

And please do not even get me started on the food, or hotels!

What is it with these tour companies? Do they like have a special deal with the worst restaurants in every city of each country? They are like a natural magnet for the worst restaurants and hotels on the entire planet. Thankfully, I had brought along my own biscuits and cup noodles on that “wonderful” (hiss, hiss) tour of Switzerland.

On that particular trip, I had the utter bad luck of getting the rooms with the “best” (hiss, hiss, hiss) view. Allow me to recount the ways  -

1) In Lucerne, my hotel room window opened to a brick fucking wall!

2) In Zurich, it faced the alley of the hotel’s back entrance!

3) In Lausanne, there was no fucking window – just a picture of a painted landscape. And it was moldy.

4) In Basel, I could only see the greasy neighbour who lived next to the hotel. From my window to his, we could have shook hands. But he was far from a Swiss stud muffin – more like an over-aged Swiss cheese.

Finally, saving the best for last…at our final stop in the picturesque country of Switzerland – Geneva, I managed to get a room that has a view of the famous lake. I could only actually see the lake, IF I had a pair of binoculars! Just fucking great, I thought.

To this day, I have strong suspicions that the tour guide had deliberately chucked me into the worst room in all the hotels throughout that Swiss tour. I am certain it was because at that time, I was the youngest traveler in the group and I was single. I had no pressing demands of a spouse, or screaming kids. Most of all, I did not have the audacity to bribe him into giving me a better room - like everyone else did in the group! So, I was assigned the nightmare of rooms in every city we had visited.

  

THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK: "LIFE IS A JOURNEY - A SYMPHONY OF SHORT STORIES".

THE BOOK IS BEING PUBLISHED AS WE SPEAK, BOTH IN HARD COPY AND E-FORMAT. 

HOPE YOU LIKE IT ENOUGH TO BUY THE BOOK WHEN IT IS OUT. I WILL UPDATE AGAIN. 

THANKS :)

Story One from "A Symphony of Short Stories"

Story One: THE WAIT-LIST

Today, I received a special delivery from Fedex.

It's from Richard.

He is still in Paris but wanted to send me something really important, so his text message said. He added that he would be back in a month’s time.

Excitedly, I opened the slim package. Inside the brown envelope was an ornate ivory card. It looked very much like a wedding invite. My heart froze. With a slight tremor, I opened the card. There was a hand written note inside.

 

 It reads:

“Amanda, you know that you are the most important person in my life. So, this is why you are the first person to receive my wedding invite. Yes, I am getting married! I still can’t believe it! I met the most wonderful woman. Her name is Simone. She is stunning and I know you two will hit it off instantly. I can’t wait for you to meet her next month! As you are my best buddy in the world, it would mean a lot to me if you’d be my “Best Man”. Well, it’s “Best Mate” in your case! Please say yes! Love you!

Rich”

I stared at the words over and over again, hoping that the meaning would change every time I looked at it.

How did this happen?

Why is the right man for me marrying someone else?

Where did I go wrong?

THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK: "LIFE IS A JOURNEY - A SYMPHONY OF SHORT STORIES". 

THE BOOK IS BEING PUBLISHED AS WE SPEAK, BOTH IN HARD COPY AND E-FORMAT. 

HOPE YOU LIKE IT ENOUGH TO BUY THE BOOK WHEN IT IS OUT. I WILL UPDATE AGAIN. 

THANKS :)