THE BASIC SEDUCTION CLASS 101

Every Friday, I write about interesting spaces that provide unique experiences in NST RED. This WEEK, I would like to do SOMETHING DIFFERENT because the day of Love is coming up. Moreover, I'd like to dedicate this article to all the SINGLE PEOPLE out there. Because traditionally, Valentine's Day is a day that casually excludes the singles with all the fancy places in every city customising menus and programs solely for couples. Therefore, I would like to share how every “single” person can create interesting experiences in a place of their choice. After all, how much enjoyment we derive in one place is only determined by what we do there. So, it is about making the places work in your favour.

Welcome to the "Seduction Class 101". 

BECAUSE most of the time guys and gals are too shy to make a move, and this is why NOTHING happens. For some, it is just too awkward - especially for women. But what if the person of your dreams is in the same room as you are tonight or tomorrow night? Would you deny yourself the opportunity to find out?

The majority of the people out there think that one must be good looking, dressed well, be charismatic or charming or "well-endowed" in order to attract someone. If one is not physically appealing, it's game over. However, this is not the case. Don't get me wrong - it does help when one is gifted with beauty and looks. BUT I'll have you know that the famous Josephine was not the most beautiful of all women but she still managed to make Napolean stay madly in love with her. In fact even Cleopatra was not gorgeous in the traditional sense of the word, and yet she managed to conquer the hearts of great men such as Julius Caeser and Mark Anthony. Let me give you another example, a particular Mr. Gabriele D'Annunzio was nothing to looking at all. To be exact, he was also short and portly. However, he had women swoon all over him during the Roman 1880's, Women just could not get enough of him. Go ahead and google him if you don't want to take my words for it.

In any case, my point is - it not so much about your looks but more about how you carry yourself. Here, I would like to introduce you all to a famous FB friend, Mr. J.T.Tran, who is a professional “Pick-Up Artist” (PUA) and Dating Coach. He runs a successful business in coaching people how to “seduce” the object of your affection no matter where you are. He is hailed as the "The Asian Playboy". So, do I have your complete attention now?  

JT Tran

Now, I know what you all are thinking. You are gasping in disbelief because JT comes across as an average guy. He looks like any one of us walking down the street and you wonder how did he earn the coveted titled of "The Asian Playboy". 

JT's Personal Story

Jerry Tran or JT grew up in Dallas, USA. He did not live in a multi-cultural area. So, his childhood was punctured with a lot of racism. Hence, he learnt to develop a rather “thick skin” over time. 

"To this day, it takes a lot to get to me and that has really served me in my career and teaching." 

Prior to becoming a PUA, JT was an Aerospace Engineer. However, he found no fulfillment in his job as he saw how everyone else was having fun and getting ahead in life through their social “smart” skills. 

"I had studied aerospace engineering and had a great job with the government but I wasn't doing anything. My life did not feel fulfilled."

So, he began educating himself with “Applied Psychology” and dating skills about nine years ago. 

"I simply got tired of accepting my lot in life. I knew I could be better in all aspects of my life." 

He broke out by blogging and writing about his interactions with women - including his successes and embarrassing failures. He quickly became the first and the most popular Asian Dating Bloggers on the internet. Today, JT runs programs called “bootcamps”. They are basically a weekend full of intense fun, education, and life changing moments. His clients have ranged from celebrities to students, professionals to politicians, from “players” to “family men”, and beyond! He has been interviewed by ABC News, AsianWeek and countless other tv stations. JT also maintains a column in LA Weekly and Baller Magazine.

You can find out more at http://www.ABCsOfAttraction.com and yes, please do google him as well. 

THE SEDUCTION CLASS 101

So, we all know that Valentine’s Day has just passed and single people are often left out, because all the places have special menus and programs catered for couples only. According to JT, although it is just a fabricated commercialized day, it is one filled with opportunities. 

“Seriously, if you're single on Valentine’s Day, I think it's the best time to attend a singles event and get out of your comfort zone. There is nothing desperate about going out and meeting people. I think men and women alike come up with plenty excuses as to why they never meet anyone they like when in reality, a lot of their problems are self-made. Get out there and say hello to someone you find attractive.The great thing about going out on Valentine's Day is that if she's at bar or club that night, then that means she's single and looking for a boyfriend!”

You might ask where should one go to meet new people. Actually, the place is immaterial. It is not where you go to but what you do in that place that counts. 

As JT advises, “A short guy like myself has a better chance of surprising a girl with my confident and boisterous personality. I don't play the James Bond, tall, dark, and handsome thing but rather I'm short, stunning, and smooth. If you're just starting out and don't have the confidence to practise in a club, you're going to have an even harder time in approaching a girl in the bright light of day with no music or cocktails as a social lubricants. You need to practise in the most difficult circumstances to be better in the easiest of circumstances. Regardless of where you choose to socialize, the most important step is to get out there and meet people.”

Now that you have picked your venue of choice, what should you do when you get there? Apparently, there are a few options as stated by JT.

“When I walk into a club and if it's somewhere I've never been before, I take my time and survey the atmosphere. I locate the bar, the smoking patio, the restrooms, and places I could sit down later. It's also important to act like you've been there before. Greet the staff in a confident, friendly manner. Look people in the eye and smile. You always want to be the cool and calm guy, not the hyper weird guy who is lurking around the club. Stand up straight and tall. It's amazing how often I have to remind guys to stand up straight. The same could be said for women. A tall woman in heels is a sight to behold. But first and foremost, SMILE! It is so vital that you smile. I can never emphasize this enough. You don't want to wear the ‘Asian Poker Face’. You want to smile and make her want to flirt back with you.”

By the way, it is really allowed for women to show an interest in someone she likes. It is also permissible for her to make the first move. 

JT elaborates, “Social skills and emotional intelligence is helpful for all men and women. A lot of women assume too much about men. Women shouldn't be afraid to go after someone they are interested in. Don't be too shy to show interest in a guy. A lot of what I teach has to do with confidence.”

Over the time, anyone can become good at it. If JT can do it, why is stopping the rest of us?

JT shares, “These days, I no longer have to go to "great lengths" to meet a girl. If I see someone out that I want to meet, I simply go up and talk to them. I've been studying and practicing how to positively interact with people for so long that it's practicality second nature to me.”

The biggest mistake many single people do is leaving things to chance or fate. If everything was left to the powers of serendipity, then nothing may happen for you in a very long time. 

JT further expounds, “If you think a girl or guy you're interested in is going to magically come up and talk you, that's a very unrealistic way of getting what you want. Even if you're a shy person, just practise smiling and saying ‘hello’ to new people every day will help you break out of your comfort zone. After you're able to do that without shaking in your shoes, then initiate a conversation - even if it's something mundane like how nice the weather is. Keep in mind that you are your own worst enemy and will give yourself every excuse so you don't have to talk to people. So, take responsibility for your life and initiate human interaction. If you don't go up and talk to her, someone else will, and then you've missed your chance. Anything worth going after is rarely easy.” 

I know that for most people it is their fear of rejection that stops them from making that first move. After all, there are psychos out there. However, you are in a public place and you should be able to gauge her or his sanity once you start talking to them. The point is, do not let fear of rejection paralyse you.

JT has never been shy about sharing his stories of rejection with his students. 

He readily opens up, “If you want to learn how to talk to people, rejection is unavoidable. It can also be very painful and humiliating. But you learn a lot from doing things ‘incorrectly’. One of the worst rejections happened to me not at the beginning of my journey into Pick Up, but somewhere in the middle. I was out with a group of friends and when we arrived at the bar, I went about my business, opening up girls and circulating around the room. I saw a group of about five girls who were all Asian except for one blonde, who had her back to me. In my head I was thinking, "A blonde girl hanging out with all Asians, she must really like Asians!" So, I approached and turned the blonde around - it's an Asian girl who had dyed her hair blonde! Before I can even get a word out, she shoves her hand in my face and says, "No! Go away, we don't talk to Asians. Go away!" To be honest, I felt crushed. Not only had I been rejected by a group of girls, but by someone of my own race. However, I let it slide off my back the best I could. I can't change her mind about something like that. I knew inherently that it wasn't even my fault she felt like that. Rejection isn't easy, but usually she is not rejecting you, she's rejecting your approach or she feels very strongly one way or another before you even walk up to her.”

Without trying, there would be no results. Basically, this applies to all aspects of life. JT has learnt a great deal in his journey of being a professional PUA. He likens the school of Pick Up to the school of hard knocks. Yes, it will hurt a lot, but mostly it is only your bruised ego and it will heal. Then it will get easier.

JT further shares, “I've learned to appreciate the fine art of conversation. Even today, you rarely meet a girl who is truly good at intelligent conversation. I've also learned to care less about what other people think. This doesn't mean that you should walk around being a jerk to everyone because you just don't care. This means, not letting negative people get you down.”

Since this article is out before Valentine's Day, it is actually a good thing. There is still tonight and the nights leading up to the February 14th for you singles to test out what JT has imparted. Seriously, what do you have to lose? The most she or he can say is NO. You will not die from this. But if she or he actually says YES - your love life could literally change :)

As JT said, “It's ultimately about confidence and being a better man today than you were yesterday.”

Until next time, I wish you all much luck and happy meeting new people.

THINGS THAT WOMEN FIND SEXY ABOUT MEN

This post is dedicated to the guys, especially the really good ones. 
Because they are the ones who rock my world. 
Through the good men, I witnessed the greatness of mankind. 
Through the good ones, I realised that I will never settle for anything less.
Thank goodness for the really good men!
This is why I am actually glad that men and women are really different. 

As I have said before, learning more will help us understand better.
So, it is in this spirit that I am sharing this post.

Now, below are the ten things what a typical male thinks makes a man sexy to a woman. Yes, it is written by men. You can read their whole article here. 

Source: http://datingrelationship-advice.blogspot.com/2009/03/hot-sexy-guys.html

1) Smile - This is self explanatory
2) Masculinity - The way he moves and talks
3) Confidence - Make her feel protected and taking charge
4) Eye Contact - Especially when talking and not staring at her boobs
5) Aromatic Scent - Smells nice
6) Having a Sense of Style - Looks nice and dresses well
7) Communication Skills - Know how to talk to a woman
8) Ability to Cook - An actual meal that's impressive
9) Having Sensitivity - Confidentiality, empathy and trust
10) Sense of Humour - Make her laugh

Notice how these are mostly designed to attract the women to the men, but it may not necessarily be the very things that women find sexy about a man. 

Although I have to say the Aromatic Scent thing is a must with me, and women like me. I can't stand men who smell like they have not showered for weeks, or those who seem to shower in the whole bottle of cologne. Just a tad hint of the scent, guys. Go easy with the cologne, please. You do not want to suffocate the woman now, do you? 

I'll tell you when the men smell really sexy - it is precisely when the hint of his cologne is mixed with his own natural scent. Now, that's what I'd call: "oozing sexiness". 

Now, let us look at what WOMEN find sexy in MEN. And yes, this is from the perspective of a woman. You can read Melanie Curtin's entire article here.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/ten-things-i-find-sexy-ab_b_2602313.html?ir=Women 

Here are the top 10 such things:

10. Lift Me Up
The guy that picks me up and spins me around, or holds me tightly with my arms and legs wrapped right around him, will always win my heart. Depending on the context, it is one of the sexiest, most comforting, or most erotic of experiences. Even if we're not dating, I always feel happy and free and feminine.

Perhaps it is the reminder of your strength, or my petite-ness, or both at the same time. Perhaps it's the sensual, spontaneous experience of the way we fit together, the way our bodies are connected in that moment. Perhaps it's just the fact that you're bigger than me.

Whatever it is, it's sexy.

9. Open Doors & Give Up Seats
I find it annoying when people say chivalry is dead. It's not. It's alive and kicking -- yes, even in the younger generation.

I know this because, amongst other things, I ride the NYC subway. There, I've experienced many men -- good men, great men -- give up their seats for the elderly (both women and men), open doors for others, and help me lift my (many) suitcases up the (many) stairs. To them I say, I salute you. I thank you.

Some women hate it when men open doors for them. They may interpret it as a statement that they can't take care of themselves, or that they're somehow less independent because a man is doing something for them.

I am not one of these women. I love it when a man carries my groceries for me, lets me go ahead of him in line, opens a door for me, or schleps my luggage.

I know I could do these things by myself, for myself. I've done them plenty of times. But when someone else does it, it really does make my life a little bit easier. I feel taken care of. Especially in cities, where we spend a lot of our time with headphones in, consciously ignoring everyone around us, it feels really good to be noticed. The way these men are says, "I see you." I care about you, simply because you're alive.

I also look at that guy who just gave up his seat in a new light. He comes across as strong, aware, trustworthy, significant. He comes across like a man.

8. Initiate Middle-of-the-Night Sex
If you know how to do this right (slooowly, softly, **gently**), it is one of the sexiest things in the world. I love the feeling of being touched between states of consciousness, of arousal before awareness. I adore the dissolving quality of dark, sleepy caresses, the extension of the dreamlike state of not knowing where you stop and I begin.

And I love the slow build, the way a man who knows what he's doing carefully rearranges my body for me, gently positioning me so that I don't have to do anything. The fact that he's guiding the situation, softly but firmly in control, means that I can just lay there languidly and enjoy the ride.

Yes, please. Over and over and three times on Sunday.

7. Deal With Sh*t
I have many talents. I can speak five languages. I'm a good writer. I'm exquisitely empathetic. I kick ass at Trivial Pursuit. I can even dance the tango at a near-professional level. However, I suck at practical, common sense stuff. I can barely change a lightbulb, let alone fix sh*t around the house.

But my dude roommate can. And I gotta tell you, it's sexy. I came home the other day and a set of lights that had been out for months (literally months!) were fixed. Just like that. Ditto the thermostat. When I asked him how he did it, all I heard was, "Wah wah wah," like Charlie Brown's mother. I didn't follow it because I just don't care. I do, however, care that I can now actually see objects in the living room.

I get that this is a cliché -- trust me, I do. It's also true. I find it somehow deeply satisfying that men are distinct. I love that I'm good at things that they're not, and that they effortlessly do things I don't understand at all. I compliment you for complementing me. I get to relax because you just take care of sh*t. It's freeing.

It's also sexy.

6. Be Super Solid While I'm Freaking Out
When I am absolutely losing it about something (legitimate or not), I don't need to be fixed. I don't need to be told what to do, I don't need advice, and I certainly don't need someone to tell me to calm down.

I just need to be witnessed.

That's right, when I'm on my crazy train, I don't want a man to try to stop it (he won't be able to, anyway). I just want him to be with me while I'm on it. I want to know I'm not alone.

So the man who quietly listens, who takes it all in without taking it too seriously, is unbelievably sexy. He is sexy in his solidity, he's sexy in his presence, he's sexy in his naturally grounded nature. He's extra super-really sexy when I can tell that not only is he not intimidated by my freakout, he's actually (respectfully) entertained by it -- he welcomes it.

Those exceptional men I've been with who enjoy the ride, who witness my storms or those of other women with a knowing look, a wisdom that goes beyond my high-strung-ness or defensiveness or just general freakout, are rare.

They're also sexy.

5. Play With Kids
Straight up, it is hot when a man is genuinely good at playing with kids. This does not include faking it to get attention from women -- obviously that's a huge turnoff (and dude, we're biologically made to know when you're faking it). No, it's only -- and very -- hot when he actually likes them. It's probably something primordial, basic, an animalistic understanding that he'd be good at playing with our kids. But who cares?

Because it's not just a sweet moment, like, "Awww, look how good he is with that kid." It's an actual, visceral turn-on -- I literally feel a tingling in my nether regions. It doesn't make me want to have babies with you, but it sure makes me want to make them with you. (Just kidding. Sort of).

4. Accept Emotions
I recently called a guy friend to let him know that I was on my way to meeting up, but I wasn't feeling all that great. Being a little sad and irritable, I said, "Sorry in advance for not being very fun. I'm going to try to get into a better mood."

Do you know what he said?

"If you are, great. If not, great. Whatever you got, bring it."

I felt so accepted I started to tear up. I knew it would be OK even if I wasn't OK -- that I wouldn't be blamed or shamed for not being cheerful or upbeat. I could bring my truth -- my real truth -- and he would still be there.

I wasn't a problem.

When a man resists emotions -- mine or his own, I feel repressed and uncomfortable. A roiling sensation in my stomach builds, that I just can't kick. And in my experience, many men (many people, but men in particular) are threatened by emotions like sadness, anger, or fear. They want to fix it right away to soothe their own anxiety. They can't tolerate the idea that a woman is unhappy. They can't tolerate the idea that they might be blamed for it.

Then there is the man who accepts me in all of my facets, not just the 'pretty' ones. He has learned to be with emotion -- just be with it. He doesn't feel the need to make it go away or turn it into something else. He just accepts, and genuinely wants to know.

With him, I feel deeply safe. I know I can bring ALL of me, and he's going to be able to handle it. I don't have to manage his experience of me. I can just be. And the fact that he wants to know me makes me want to know him. Biblically.

3. Care About His Friends
I fell in love with my last boyfriend in stages. The first was one night when we sat in his truck outside his place while he called his best friend, who had just lost his grandfather. He listened, made manly sounds of sympathy (like grunts), asked about his friend's family members, told his friend he loved him in his own way, and promptly got off the phone.

It was brief, but real and heartfelt. And when I saw him care about his friend -- really care about him, but in a totally different way than I care about my female friends -- I fell pretty hard.

I think he was surprised by how much I wanted him after that phone call. I may or may not have given him a minute, then attacked him right there in the truck.

2. Show His Backbone
If you're my man, I want you to be vulnerable with me. I love watching you agonize over which stuffed animal your 3-year-old niece would like better: The panda or the whale? I enjoy when you tell me about something that's hard for you to admit about your past, or how you didn't have it all together for that presentation at work today, or when you own up to just how much you want me to like the necklace you just gave me (and how stressed you are that maybe I don't). I cherish those moments.

But it also turns me on when you have to be a hardass and you're willing to go there. Pointless aggression is a turn-off, but watching a man enforce strong boundaries is a huge turn-on. It's hot when a man stands up for himself by telling his boss to find someone else to work this weekend, or puts his foot down with the slacker on his team, or quietly but firmly tells his brother that he can't borrow the car (given that he drove it drunk the last time he did). Even when it's directed at me, I love seeing that fire within you, that point of resistance that says NO.
In fact, your NO has me say YES. Yes, yes, yessss.

1. Listen
The sexiest thing a man can do is listen to me -- all of me. With all of him.

Some men don't listen at all. They just don't. They talk about themselves ad nauseam and then wonder what happened when I wander away. These men are generally referred to as "douchebags."

Other men listen in such a manner that they practically collapse into me. They fall all over themselves to "do" listening right, keeping their focus and attention so on me that they lose themselves. In a way, they actually stop listening in their attempt to prove how well they do listen. These men are generally known as "nice guys."

Either way, not sexy.

Then there is the man who maintains his own core while also holding space for me. This man has a way of drawing out my deepest truth simply by being fully present. He isn't thinking about what to say next, whether I still like him, how to get me to stop crying, or what to do now. He's just noticing me, tracking me, tuning himself to me. He's letting the moment unfold without trying to control it. And him taking the lead in this way has me stop trying to control it as well. Which feels good.

This man listens to what I'm saying and what I'm not saying; he listens with his body as well as his heart. He listens with his mind, with his emotions, with his curiosity, with his soul. He asks questions when the time is right, because he really wants to understand, not because he wants to coach me to get somewhere else. He listens to all of me, with all of him.

When I am in his presence, my entire being relaxes. I become more gracious, more present, more in flow. I am expressive without being self-conscious. I am emotional without being reactive. I am beautiful without being perfect. I feel safe, I feel seen, I feel radiant.
In other words, I feel like a woman. With a man.

And that is sexy. For all parties involved.

Melanie Curtin is the founder of "Vixen On The Loose". 

I hope you guys can see the difference in the way women communicate and what they appreciate about a man. Things women find sexy in a man are imbued with her emotions. Because the qualities that turn her on would be the very attributes she would seek in a potential mate or partner. Hence, this is why her choices would have very little to do with a man's looks. A man's physical appearance may attract her at the beginning, but it will not work to sustain a relationship with her unless he possesses some of the qualities listed above. Women are beautiful emotional beings and trust me, you would not want to change that. 

Also, notice that LISTEN is the number one thing on the list. Guys, this is really the central key in maintaining a relationship with a woman. You have got to learn how to listen. And not just with your ears, but your entire being. Most importantly, your heart. I cannot stress this enough.

The two things that are missing from the above list are:- 

1) HIS MIND. I do personally value a man's mind and his intellect. It is to me, one of the most sexy features of a man - his brilliant mind. I am pretty sure, many women would agree with me as well.  

2) HIS SINCERITY. When a man is sincere, he shows that he genuinely cares. And that is super sexy. Always.

I have to say that I agree with Melanie about men being sexy when they are courteous and chivalrous. Here, please allow me to clarify - it is not that I am a helpless damsel who can't do stuff for herself. It is more of the fact that I appreciate what a man does for me - not because he has to or that he is obliged to - BUT BECAUSE he CARES to and he WANTS to.

When anyone does something out of the kindness of their heart, or because they care, I make it a point to show my appreciation. This is just basic human decency and courtesy.

To me, there is no issue of a power struggle between a man and a woman when it comes to a relationship or courtship. It is matter of how much both parties care for each other and how well they can express that care/love through their actions.

So, if there is anything I hope more women and men could do for one another is please CARE MORE and CARE BETTER.

Lastly, these are some of the basic but golden rules in life, love and relationships to live by. I thought I shall share them here.

1. Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.
2. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
3. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.
4. You know you’ve found true love when you catch yourself falling in love with the same person over and over again.
5. Don’t wait for the right person to come into your life.  Rather, be the right person to come to someone’s life.
6. The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.
7. Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
8. Some relationships are like glass.  It’s better to leave it broken, than to hurt yourself more by trying to put it back together.
9. Just because one person doesn’t seem to care for you, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who does.
10. Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.
11. It is okay to be angry.  It is never okay to be cruel.
12. Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.

May each of you find the right person for you.

Good luck and happy dating!

  

THINGS EVERY GIRL HATES ABOUT SEX AND GUYS SHOULD MAKE IT A POINT TO KNOW

Finally, a summary that we can all identify with. Of course, I am speaking from a woman's point of view. Although the author, who also happens to be a woman, entitled her piece as "10 Things Everyone Hates About Sex", it is mostly encapsulated from a girl's perspective - at least, that is what I personally think.

And before all the guys out there discount this piece, or dismiss it altogether, may I suggest that you do not. If you are a guy who seriously would like to continue having a good sexual relationship with a woman, please do take the time to read, digest and understand. Though it may not apply to all women, some of it may. In any case, read with an open mind, and with the intention of wanting to understand more so that it can help improve one's relationship with one's partner. 

After all, sex should be a beautiful mutually fulfilling experience for both of the people involved and not just one.

My personal comments are embedded below in PURPLE. 

Source: 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/10-things-everyone-hates-about-sex/

10 Things Everyone Hates About Sex

FEB. 1, 2013

By CHARLOTTE GREEN

Eugenio Marongiu / Shutterstock.com

1. Guys who pass out directly after orgasm.

No one is saying that this is a marathon. Obviously there are times where you are just going to need to catch a few Zs after you get yours, so to speak, but there is nothing worse than a dude who is just ready to leave your eager, orgasm-less body to wither and die on the other side of the bed while he catches up on his sweaty napping. If he’s not going to do the right thing and learn to hold off a bit on his orgasm, the least he can do is make sure he finishes her off in other ways so that she’s not left to just complain to a girlfriend about it via text message as he snores away next to her.

SMT: I know of many girls who have complained about their partners who are guilty of the above. I also know of guys who complained about their partners who insist on having a conversation and a little cuddle time after sex. 

Let me just say, that unless it is a one night stand or a fling, then yes, no one may be bothered to put in that extra time or effort after sex. However, if one is really into that girl or guy, putting the extra time and effort may go a long way in establishing a better relationship with that person. I know most girls would appreciate a guy being considerate to their needs or wants, after sex as much as during or before sex. Guys, if you seriously want to form a lasting relationship with a woman, then please take time to connect with them after you have ejaculated. The whole sexual act does not end just because you have achieved your orgasm. For some women, the sexual act that counts is everything that happens before, during and after she achieves her orgasm. And yes, the women will "judge" how much a guy is into her by what he does with her, and for her based on the "before, during and after" sex. 

I know from a guy's point of view - the whole deal was to get a woman into bed. And guys think that the sex is their prized victory. Sorry to break it to you guys, it is NOT. So, unless you are really not interested in having any long term relationships with the woman in question, then go ahead and treat her like another sexual conquest. However, please make sure that you are willing to accept the consequences that come with that, and how your name will soon be synonymous with "jerk face", "ass hole" and other appropriate terms for such un-gentleman-like behaviour. 

Suggestion: If you are really exhausted and sleepy after the whole sexual activity, please be decent enough to still hold the lady and make her feel adored in ways she would appreciate, then you can pass out to dreamland. 

2. People who refuse to engage in oral sex (yet expect the other person to provide).

There is no law requiring you to perform oral sex. There is no rule stating what is and isn’t required during a private act between two consenting adults. But if you are the kind of person who just takes it completely off the menu from the get-go because, I don’t know, penises are ugly and/or vaginas are scary and cavernous, you can’t expect it back. Foreplay is a give-and-take kind of thing, and it requires of people the ability to do things strictly for the joy of pleasing someone else. Like, no, you are not likely to get any direct stimulation yourself while performing cunnilingus — you’re supposed to get your jollies from the act of giving. If you can’t get down with that, don’t expect your partner to be so selfless, either.

SMT: This is an absolute classic. If I had a penny for every woman who have complained to me about this. Honestly, guys - I do not know how much I need to say this over and over again - Many women just do not like giving BJs. Only a minority of women truly and absolutely enjoy doing the deed. Most women do it to please their men. So, if you care to know what a BJ actually feels like, try stuffing a carrot or cucumber down your throat, continue breathing at all times, and see if you too would like it that much. And some guys do not even clean after themselves properly. So, that doubles the horror in performing the deed for some women.

Suggestion: As all men enjoy oral sex so much, remember to give as much as you want to receive, if not more. A true lover is the one who knows how to please their partner in every way. And it is definitely NOT someone who just takes and takes all the way. An intimate sensuous experience would involve a total giving of pleasure to one another. It is NOT a one way act of giving. And seriously, a key to satisfying a woman sexually lies in how well the "foreplay" was carried out. 

3. Opposing protection.

I don’t know you. I don’t know your life. You are not putting it in, around, or anywhere near me so long as it’s not wrapped up like the last Christmas present under the couch. If that’s not okay, I recommend you stop having sex post haste.

SMT: Seriously, does this need any explanation? Unless you two have been married or been together in the relationship for a long time and have had your medical checks done - sex without protection is like deliberately flirting with danger and inviting trouble. If you are not bothered with the possibility of contracting any diseases, what about unexpected pregnancies? As if the stats of unwanted pregnancies and sexual diseases are not scary enough as it is. 

I know of so many guys who claim that they are so gifted in "pulling themselves out" at the very last minute that they continue to have sex without protection to this day. And they are so proud of it. Mind boggling. I also know of some women who specialises in entrapping men by making sure that they become pregnant so that they can get "something" from the guys. Then, of course, there are plenty of cases of women and men being forced to get hitched because of "surprise pregnancies". However, none of these come close to the sad cases of men and women who have contracted sexual diseases as a result of unprotected sex. Some of these  illnesses are terminal. And trust me, no one wants to go down that "diseased" path if they can help it. 

Suggestion: By all means, have fun. But isn't it much better to have responsible and protected fun? Because it protects you and the partner involved. Then, both of you can actually continue to have fun without the worries of what I have outlined above.

4. Developing feelings against your will.

If someone has worked out the magic formula to just having an awesome fuck buddy for whom you never develop real emotions and with whom things never get complicated or painful, please tell us. You can’t keep that information all to yourself and expect the rest of us normal people to just pick up on it. Because from where I stand, there is a moment somewhere in the post-orgasm spoon where your brain just starts going, “But, come on, you kind of love this person. At least a little bit. Come on.” And that shit is no fun.

SMT: Classic. Isn't it also classically funny how guys are the ones who can do this without ever developing more feelings for their partners? This "FWB" or Friends With Benefits crap always end up hurting someone's feelings or breaking the girl's heart. 

Seriously, LADIES, if a guy proposes such an arrangement to you and you actually like the guy, please do not EVER think that the guy would change his mind if he started having sex with you. GUYS do not think like GIRLS. It is amazing how some of them WILL NEVER care about the girls they sleep with. Some women are literally sex objects to some guys. 

GUYS, if sex is all you want - wait, let me rephrase that - if free sex is all you want and you think that the girl is willing to put out for you, then please be clear and honest upfront with her. Do not string her along just because you want the free sex at your beck and call. That shit is downright cruel and mean.

Women will always be the emotional ones. But that is precisely what makes them so beautiful and unique as they are. If they were built like men, then the world would be a drastically different place. 

Suggestion: Honesty and clarity upfront are best. Please do not mislead one another. By all means, please stop playing games. Such imbecile high school behaviour does not equate to actions from mature, responsible sexual adults. 

5. People who can’t laugh at the funnier aspects of sex.

Sometimes you’re going to make a weird, squishy noise during sex. Someone might slip off. Someone might queef. Anything could happen. And if you’re the kind of person who makes things all weird and awkward and isn’t capable of having a good laugh about the odd-but-natural aspects of the human body, you are making for some seriously lackluster sex. Being able to laugh is what makes everything great (and what makes people comfortable enough to experiment with all the more saucy positions).

SMT: Humour is such a delightful component of life. Sometimes, sex can have its own comedic moments. There is no big deal when it happens. Just laugh it off and then, continue to enjoy being intimate and discovering each other's unique body parts and the sounds they can make. Although the structural elements of bodies are made the same, no two people have the same issues or relationship with their bodies. There is really no need to make a big deal out of nothing.

Suggestion: A little humour and loving kindness can really work to lighten a situation - especially when attempting very... erm..."challenging" positions. Do expect the unexpected to happen when trying out the never-before-done positions.  

6. Obviously fake orgasms.

No one buys your insane, operatic, starts-the-second-you-lay-a-single-finger-on-her orgasms. Every time someone fakes an orgasm — especially an orgasm that seems too good to be true (yet is believed by some naive person who just wants it to be real so badly), you are ruining it for the rest of us gals who refuse to fake it out. Every time a man has looked at her with a mix of earnest disappointment, frustration, and disbelief, asking her, “Why can’t you come? Every other girl did,” it is your fault. Yours.

SMT: Another classic. If I had every penny for a guy who claimed that no women had ever faked orgasm with him and the women who have said that they had. Haha. Sorry, it is just so laughable when some guys try to make themselves feel better by saying this, and then goes blaming the women when they can't cum. I know it is hard to believe and let alone, accept but seriously, not all men can make their women climax each and every time as they would like to think. At the end of the day, when it gets so bad, the women just had to fake it in order to get it over and done with. It happens. And yes, she was being nice to the guy by faking it. 

Suggestion: Like I said before, intimacy is so much more than intercourse. Taking the time to get the woman in the right mood takes more work than it would require to get a man into the right mode for sex. Hence, please do not play the blame game. Most of all, do not start getting all impatient. In sex, there is no such thing as rushing a woman. Unless of course, she wants to be rushed. Again, the key operative words here are "what she wants" and "how she feels". 

7. Not taking the time to properly clean oneself.

Sure, there can be the occasional hot, sweaty moment of post-workout love. But that does not mean that every time you hook up, you’re exempt from having to give things a good little scrub. There is a difference between having that natural “people” taste down there and essentially being like a brick of sweaty camembert that wants to be licked. Don’t put that nonsense on anyone, let alone someone who is kind enough to be having sex with you.

SMT: I have only this to say on this subject - CLEANLINESS IS GODLINESS. There is just no substitute for personal hygiene and cleanliness. If one cannot even be bothered with being clean and well groomed with their private parts, I dread to imagine the rest.  

Suggestion: One's personal hygiene and cleanliness should be one's top priority. If someone is interested in having sex with you, please be considerate enough to have your private areas cleaned prior to the act itself. Otherwise, expect that they will run for the door or never come back.

8. Moves that were clearly learned from a bad porno.

The jackhammer is not a move. The “just going for the vagina without any kind of warming up or even a little bit of something to lubricate it because women are always in a state of moist readiness” is not a move. The “fast and dry handy with not even a little spit on the palm to get things started” is not a move. None of these are moves. Stop watching porn, and start watching the way your partner’s body moves.

SMT: AGAIN, real sex is NOT porn! Please get that straight to your heads. And no, I am not referring to the "little heads" here. Even porn stars do not act like they do in their porn movies when they are having real sex with their real life partners. Seriously. Please do read my article about this here. 

Real men and women who have real sex do not use porn as their guide to sex. In fact, porn is no way a manual to sex in the real sense. I can't tell you how many women who have been exasperated by men who "imagine" that they are porn stars, performing all those really "ridiculous" moves on them. If the women did not tell you to your face, they were just being nice. However, I am sharing all these with you because I am being nicer by wanting you to improve for real. 

Suggestion: Please do not be misguided and misinformed by porn. And if porn is where you got your sexual education from, please un-learn and delete the entire program from your RAM and Hard Drive. You'd be better off paying a prostitute to teach you how to have sex with a woman than going through porn. Honestly. This is why getting to know your partner and listening to what he or she wants are CRUCIAL. 

9. Trying to “accidentally” do something during the act.

No one “accidentally” puts it in the butt. No one. Not even you. You’re not magic. Stop trying it.

SMT: Remember what I explained about women and BJs? Well, what is worse than a BJ is anal sex. Yes, many women are just plain horrified with the idea, let alone the act. To top it off with people who have no regard for personal hygiene, it is beyond nasty. So, please do not attempt to go where no man has gone before, unless you have been specifically and clearly directed to do so. No, it is not what you think she meant or imagined that she implied. Your partner must have explicitly communicated that she likes taking it from the "end zone" for you to get the "green light" in doing so. 

Suggestion: Please kindly just listen to what your partner says and even more so to what she does not say. When in doubt, please do just open your mouth and ask nicely or politely. 

10. Not listening.

If someone doesn’t like something, stop it. If they look uncomfortable, stop it. If their body tenses up, stop it. Ask them what they want (and actually listen). Because if there’s one thing that will ruin even the best sexual encounter, it’s assuming that you know what works best and barreling forth at full steam despite how the other person’s face is all crinkled up in displeasure. None of us are Gods. We are all capable of making mistakes. In listening, and learning, do we actually become good. And we should all be good. 

SMT: As I have said before and I will emphasize again - PLEASE LISTEN and do not be afraid to ask your partner what she or he likes. Especially, the ladies - please do not assume that the men will know. By all means, do not think that they get the vibes or signals you have been sending. MEN ARE NOT KNOWN TO BE telepathic or sensitive in that respect. 

Seriously, communication is paramount in every encounter between a man and a woman. So much can be misunderstood or misinterpreted between a man and a woman. Hence, it is even more essential in the realms of intimacy to avoid misunderstandings and to eradicate any miscommunication. So, please do not be shy about telling each other what you like or dislike, what is a no entry zone for you, and what are the happy g-spots for you, etc. The more we know, the better we can make one another feel. 

The whole act of being together should always be fun, mutually pleasing and satisfying. Therefore, learning about one another is an important step to achieving a gratifying and fulfilling experience for both parties. 

At all times, please do remember to respect one another throughout all activities performed between you and your partner. Respect should come into play regardless of whether you love the person or not. Respect is the most basic humane courtesy one can extend to another fellow human being, especially to one whom we are engaging in intimacy with.

To illustrate how men and women view sex differently, I leave you all with two quotes from two very famous individuals -

"Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex." ~ Barbara Cartland

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. And if by "place", you mean, "parking lot", then yes." ~ Billy Crystal

Peace to all!