Sitting in a café, looking pensive and contemplative.
It is as if everything and everyone in the café have faded into the background, and all that exists is me and the landscape of my thoughts. The vast, openness of my mind is a stark contrast to the confines of what seems to be my life.
I visualise myself as a bird, trapped in a gilded cage. And yet many people, I am sure, would trade their freedom for my gilded cage. Freedom is not valued, because security and comforts in life are the necessities for the living.
I crave the freedom to spread my wings and to test how high I can soar. I do not wish to spend the rest of my life as an over-pampered domesticated pet.
This strong yearning to start a journey in order to find out what I am made of is not motivated by a desire to rebel, nor the intense lack of appreciation of what I have been blessed with.
I have nothing to whine or complain about.
I do have everything that I could possibly need, and then some.
My parents have never denied me of anything, nor were my sisters ever mean to me.
In fact, it is the complete opposite.
I have beautiful sisters who are always there for me.
They are the very foundation I lean on and can count on.
I have wonderful loving parents who have nurtured me with the best that they have.
Especially, my mother.
She is my original Life Teacher and the source of endless inspiration.
She will always be my ultimate greatest hero.
So, from the perspective of someone who has nothing, then yes, I have everything that most people are working hard to achieve.
From the perspective of someone who has everything, then yes, I should just be very pleased with myself and enjoy the fruits laid before me.
Yet, I am still un-fulfilled.
It is not that I am un-happy.
It is not that I had some abusive childhood.
I would just like to really define the meaning of true happiness.
I’ve been on the Queen Mary 2, cruising from England to Cannes to Rome and back.
I’ve stayed at the Four Seasons, Ritz Carltons and Mandarin Orientals all over the world.
I’ve got my share of Chanels, Pradas, Louis Vs, Loewes and Tod’s.
I’ve got my chauffers, maids and helpers left, right and center.
I had my share of Porsche, Range Rover and Harley Davidson.
But I realised that there are just some things money can’t buy.
Money can’t buy respect.
Money can’t buy trust.
Money can’t buy dignity and humility.
Money can’t nurture the spirit and strengthen the faith.
Money can’t teach you compassion.
Money can’t build substance and character.
There are just some things I have to learn from my own experiences.
And I can’t understand until I go out and gain those experiences.
It is not for the sake of winning others’s trust and respect that I go into this journey.
It is not about seeking my parents’ approval or winning my dad’s pride.
It is definitely not about impressing my sisters or anyone else.
And it is certainly NOT because I love my darling only daughter any less.
Izabella is my world, my highest dreams and greatest aspirations.
This is about gaining my own self-respect from myself.
This is about becoming a much better person for everyone I love.
This journey is for me.