Day Seven of Week One: Saturday, 27th March 2010
Purification of negative karma? I certainly hope so. Either that, or please just purify the fats from my body!
Weight: Still at 54 kg. Obviously, it likes this number. Oh, when, oh, when will you go down?
No. Of Prostrations: 21
I seriously looked like I was doing prostrations in slow motion! Going down, slowly and going, ouch, ouch, ooh, aahhh...and then back up, ouch, ouch, oooh, aahhh....like it is a new mantra or something.
Daily Sadhanas: Yes, check and done!
Physical Exercise: No exercise today. Lower back not in good shape. Will try some lighter exercises tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
Daily Reflection from "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?" - Here we go again. I closed my eyes and picked out page 123.
HAHA - you wouldn't believe what it says on page 123. Let's read it out loud together, shall we?
Quote from Page 123 for Day Seven:
" Yes, your difficulties and your problems are genuine, they are real, but they will also pass.
Time is short. Opportunities will be lost. If you think you are young and you are going to live forever, the people around you, who you care about will not be young and live forever. "
Personal Thoughts and Feelings:
This is a real gem of a quote. How timely too.
If we scroll back up to what I wrote in CAPS, then we can sit together and laugh about how the quote seems to reflect what I wrote at the very beginning of this post.
And you know, I literally do just close my eyes and pick out the quote after I have typed in whatever I want to write. So, I really do not know what quote will pop up on each day.
What it speaks to me is simply this -
Our daily human drama, the challenges in life and all its magnificent struggles that we face are all REAL. Yes, they do exist and they will not likely just disappear altogether before being replaced by newer and may be harder ones for us to tackle.
In other words, they will not end.
But how we perceive them and how we respond to them will make all the difference in the world.
Nothing really stays the same and everything does change.
This applies to every joy, sadness, pain, pleasure - and everything else in between.
They each will come to pass.
Hence, we do not have to gripe and complain about the pain and misery too much.
And what do I mean by 'too much'?
When all you see and think about is the pain and misey, all the negativities and nothing else. And all you spend your time doing is dwell upon the suffering and agony, to the point that you seem to be "married" to it, and not wanting to be divorced" from it so that you can move onto finding solutions and rise from it all.
Ever heard of the phrase, only happy when miserable? Or misery loves company?
Well, I've been guilty of all of the above.
There was a time, somewhere in between 2001 to 2003, when the minute I opened my eyes in the mornings, I just thought about the different ways I was going to kill myself that day. And I would continue to lay there and go through the different methods of ending my life - shall I slit my wrists, or would I be better off swallowing the whole bottle of sleeping pills, or perhaps, I could turn on the gas and close all the windows...the list was not very long because I did not have a wide imagination of death by suicide. Ye, strangely enough, considering how much imagination I have for coming up with B.S. Come to think of it, I was "married" much longer to my depression than I was "married" to my ex-husband. The irony of it all.
In any case, my entire day and night were spent on the contemplation of death, all my own. And if I had been remotely successful in any of the suicidal attempts, I would not be sitting here today.
More importantly, I would not be living out an authentic life that was mine, using my existing talents or skills to help others, or even attempt to help others. Above all, I would not have had the wonderful experience of meeting and learning from all the extraordinary people whom I have come to adore and be so inspired by, after 2003. And they each have made me into a much better person than I could ever be on my own. On top of that list is, my Spiritual Teacher, H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.
In other words, I would have denied myself the most precious opportunity of all, and that is, to become...just to be and become.
Now, in the same vein, if I do not invest the time and effort to better myself with an urgency that could only be good for everyone concerned, then how would that affect the people I love, or even the people around me?
In retrospect, it was my daughter who gave me the courage to continue living and stop thinking about dying. But it was my Teacher who taught me how to live my life meaningfully and with a purpose so that my every living moment is used to benefit the people around me, especially to those I care about and love.
If this is not the greatest gift that I can give to those I care, while I am able and alive, and while they are alive and able to receive, then what is ?
How else could every waking moment of one 's life become a moment that is worth living?
Spreads like a plague
Paralyzing every individual in sight
Numbing our hearts
Fortifying our minds
Our very souls
No one dares to love openly these days
No one dares to give or share anymore
We creep back into our little shells
Because we are so petrified
Of being hurt again
This vulgar four-letter word
Is not some chocolate-coated poison
Which gets us in the end
The human condition is NOT
As fragile as we like to think
We are much stronger
Than we want to believe
All that is missing
Is an UNDERSTANDING HEART
This is my prayer for all of us
That we may each find strength
In our own vulnerability
And have the courage to live
But with grace and love.
HAPPINESS, IF NOT NOW,
Good Night and Sweet Dreams.