DAY EIGHT of Week One: 28th March 2010
My lower back feels much better than yesterday, but I thought I would not risk it.
Instead, I will let it rest for one more day.
Yes, I am trying to be very cautious here.
There is a long history of bad backs in my blood line. The docs say it is probably hereditary that we all have weak backs.
So many of our family members are prone to that, or are suffering from that, or have suffered from that.
And there is no cure, more like pain management for the rest of their/our lives.
And their suffering is very, very painful to bear and to watch.
Hence, I am not taking any chances at all.
Rather be safe than sorry.
And to be frank, it happens to be from both sides of my family, as in my mother's side and my father's side.
We have seen so many doctors and know so many doctors in various countries that it is just NOT FUNNY AT ALL.
Weight: sigh...still 54kg...I am aiming to get it down to around 52kg to 50 kg. That was the recommended weight for me by my dear Director.
No. Of Prostrations: 25 - Yes I have increased it from 21.
Daily Sadhanas: Yes, check and done!
Physical Exercise: No exercise today. Giving lower back one more day of rest before taking it for a real work out.
Daily Reflection from "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?" - Ok, let's see what is in store for us today. So, I closed my eyes and picked out page 117. Oh look at these words, very interesting indeed.
Quote from Page 117 for Day Eight:
" In life, everything passes by very quickly and whatever has happened in the past does not matter anymore - it becomes like a dream. In time, even the dream fades. But the results from that 'dream' do not fade. Eventually, we will have to experience these results so we need to be aware of what we are doing right now that will be the cause of those results.
We talk about death so we can live. We realise death so we can make others live."
Personal Thoughts and Feelings:
What precious words to reflect upon before the day closes.
Today was a rather emotional day for me, at least.
My parents and I were going through all the old pictures of our family, in particular of my grandmother. They were both very kind to search all over for really old pictures for me.
I did an interview with the Shanghai Media Group for their local Chinese documentary of Overseas Chinese living abroad, and how each have built their lives in their new home-lands.
This is quite a significant documentary for them, as they have travelled all over the world to interview interesting Overseas Chinese and their life stories. This docu is going to be showcased in conjunction with the launch of the Shanghai Expo. So, when they got to Malaysia, they found me because I was cheap and available. No, actually, I was free, to be exact. Haha
And in that interview, I talked about my late beloved paternal grandmother.
I love my grandmother dearly and miss her to this day. I cannot stop tears from flowing down whenever I talk about her, or even just remember her.
Because she was the center of our universe, and everything that we can enjoy today is a result of who she was and what she did for all of us. She has changed not only the lives of her children, but also her grand children and the fate of many generations to come. We all have a much better life, simply because of how she has lived and how she has taught each of us how to live.
So, yes, the above quote rings true and deep for my life story and my family's.
One person's acts and behaviour can have very lasting results, even long after they are gone.
It would take me a whole book just to explain and talk about my grandmother. She was simply an amazing woman. She came over to Malaysia on the premise of being married to a wealthy man and her family in China would be well taken care of in return. She was only 19 years of age. It was totally against her will, but she had no choice. When she left China at 19, she never went back there again.
But when she arrived into Malaysia, she found out that the family she was going to be married into was very wealthy, but her husband-to-be was a mentally handicapped person. So, she was very angry and became depressed.
One night, she made two cups of tea. One was laced with poison and the other was just normal tea. She said to herself that she had only two options infront of her, being in a foreign land with no friends or family. If she chose to drink the poisoned tea, then her life would end there and then. But if she chose to drink the normal tea, then she would go ahead with the wedding. It was a very hard decision for her to make. Finally, she knocked both the tea cups over, and decided to give herself the courage of a third option. And that was to escape and run away.
So, one night, she did exactly that. She did not pack anything at all. She just crept out of the house sometime past midnight and just ran as fast as she could, and as far as her legs would take her. Fortunately for her, she landed not far from the Chinese Immigrants Association's doorstep and they took her in. In those days, there were many Associations set up to help various Chinese immigrants who came over from the different provinces in China. It was to help them adapt to their new lives in Malaya.
From there on, her life was in her own hands and she began living as best she knew how. From having nothing, from being dropped literally into a totally different world, she made the best out of her life. All her children are now outstanding individuals in the society, and in the Asian corporate world. Her grandchildren, like myself, are given far better options and opportunities in life than she ever had. And this all stemmed from her.
At her funeral, when all the different friends came to pay their respects to our families and my grandmother, they kept saying how lucky my grandmother was because her children are all such successful and devoted individuals. Then my father stopped to correct them all, he said, "No, you got it wrong. It is we who are very lucky to have her as our mother. She made us into the people we are today."
There is simply too much for me to share about my grandmother, it would not end with one blog post. As it is, I am already getting very emotional as I am writing all these down.
So, when the Shanghai Media Group came to Malaysia for an interview, I was so determined to share her story as I truly wanted the whole of China to know that they had this amazing 'daughter' named, Lim Yoke Moi. And she was extraordinary to her last breath. She changed the fate of all our lives - through her pure grit, her love, her tenacity and devotion to her children's better future.
This was my way of 'sending' my grandmother back to China, and I hope that whoever watches the program when it is out, would be as proud of her as I have always been.
Of all the most important people in my life, my grandmother stands on a higher pedestal than my own parents. Yes, she does. Her death devastated me deeply and completely. I just could not believe that I would not see her again and listen to her voice again. I could not accept that there will be no more grandmother at every dinner, at festive occasion, especially during Chinese New Year. I found it so hard to accept the fact that she was truly gone.
Here, I'd like to pay a small Tribute to My Dearly Beloved.
There are many things which I cannot bring myself to share with anyone about how I feel about my grandmother. May be it's because I will always be gripped with so much emotions even to this day, whenever I think about her. So, where in private there are words I will keep to myself, these are the ones I can share for the public to read.
Just a few lines here,
An album of your life
The countless years
You've held us together in your warmth,
With the generosity of your heart,
The endless joy
You gave each of us –
From your children,
To your grandchildren,
To the great grandchildren
We can never come this far
How you taught us well
To love our parents,
Our brothers, sisters,
And above all,
To love ourselves
Constantly reminding us
That if we stand alone
We can only do so little
We will all achieve Greatness,
There is no bond
Stronger on this earth
Than what unites a family
Your legacy lives on
In each of us
As we will pass it down
From one generation to the next
You will always be part of us
And who we are,
For now and ever more.
My grandmother have always said that the world is truly a perfect place, but unfortunately, we are not. And until we change, we will never see how beautiful the world really is. Or become the rightful heirs of this magnificent beauty called, life.
Today we plant the seeds of what we want to sow tomorrow. The same applies to us for the people we want to grow into in the future. We got to start from here and now, from where we are. And we have got to continue putting in the effort and time, invest into it wholeheartedly, and keep working at it. The results will always speak for itself, for us. As it always has done so, as it always will be doing so.
I hope that some day I will indeed honour the memory of my grandmother by living out my life in the best way that I know how, and I did not just give up, like I almost did.
Yes, all the way, here I come!