Sunday, February 3, 2013


Finally, a summary that we can all identify with. Of course, I am speaking from a woman's point of view. Although the author, who also happens to be a woman, entitled her piece as "10 Things Everyone Hates About Sex", it is mostly encapsulated from a girl's perspective - at least, that is what I personally think.

And before all the guys out there discount this piece, or dismiss it altogether, may I suggest that you do not. If you are a guy who seriously would like to continue having a good sexual relationship with a woman, please do take the time to read, digest and understand. Though it may not apply to all women, some of it may. In any case, read with an open mind, and with the intention of wanting to understand more so that it can help improve one's relationship with one's partner. 

After all, sex should be a beautiful mutually fulfilling experience for both of the people involved and not just one.

My personal comments are embedded below in PURPLE. 


10 Things Everyone Hates About Sex

FEB. 1, 2013

1. Guys who pass out directly after orgasm.

No one is saying that this is a marathon. Obviously there are times where you are just going to need to catch a few Zs after you get yours, so to speak, but there is nothing worse than a dude who is just ready to leave your eager, orgasm-less body to wither and die on the other side of the bed while he catches up on his sweaty napping. If he’s not going to do the right thing and learn to hold off a bit on his orgasm, the least he can do is make sure he finishes her off in other ways so that she’s not left to just complain to a girlfriend about it via text message as he snores away next to her.
SMT: I know of many girls who have complained about their partners who are guilty of the above. I also know of guys who complained about their partners who insist on having a conversation and a little cuddle time after sex. 
Let me just say, that unless it is a one night stand or a fling, then yes, no one may be bothered to put in that extra time or effort after sex. However, if one is really into that girl or guy, putting the extra time and effort may go a long way in establishing a better relationship with that person. I know most girls would appreciate a guy being considerate to their needs or wants, after sex as much as during or before sex. Guys, if you seriously want to form a lasting relationship with a woman, then please take time to connect with them after you have ejaculated. The whole sexual act does not end just because you have achieved your orgasm. For some women, the sexual act that counts is everything that happens before, during and after she achieves her orgasm. And yes, the women will "judge" how much a guy is into her by what he does with her, and for her based on the "before, during and after" sex. 
I know from a guy's point of view - the whole deal was to get a woman into bed. And guys think that the sex is their prized victory. Sorry to break it to you guys, it is NOT. So, unless you are really not interested in having any long term relationships with the woman in question, then go ahead and treat her like another sexual conquest. However, please make sure that you are willing to accept the consequences that come with that, and how your name will soon be synonymous with "jerk face", "ass hole" and other appropriate terms for such un-gentleman-like behaviour. 
Suggestion: If you are really exhausted and sleepy after the whole sexual activity, please be decent enough to still hold the lady and make her feel adored in ways she would appreciate, then you can pass out to dreamland. 

2. People who refuse to engage in oral sex (yet expect the other person to provide).

There is no law requiring you to perform oral sex. There is no rule stating what is and isn’t required during a private act between two consenting adults. But if you are the kind of person who just takes it completely off the menu from the get-go because, I don’t know, penises are ugly and/or vaginas are scary and cavernous, you can’t expect it back. Foreplay is a give-and-take kind of thing, and it requires of people the ability to do things strictly for the joy of pleasing someone else. Like, no, you are not likely to get any direct stimulation yourself while performing cunnilingus — you’re supposed to get your jollies from the act of giving. If you can’t get down with that, don’t expect your partner to be so selfless, either.
SMT: This is an absolute classic. If I had a penny for every woman who have complained to me about this. Honestly, guys - I do not know how much I need to say this over and over again - Many women just do not like giving BJs. Only a minority of women truly and absolutely enjoy doing the deed. Most women do it to please their men. So, if you care to know what a BJ actually feels like, try stuffing a carrot or cucumber down your throat, continue breathing at all times, and see if you too would like it that much. And some guys do not even clean after themselves properly. So, that doubles the horror in performing the deed for some women.
Suggestion: As all men enjoy oral sex so much, remember to give as much as you want to receive, if not more. A true lover is the one who knows how to please their partner in every way. And it is definitely NOT someone who just takes and takes all the way. An intimate sensuous experience would involve a total giving of pleasure to one another. It is NOT a one way act of giving. And seriously, a key to satisfying a woman sexually lies in how well the "foreplay" was carried out. 

3. Opposing protection.
I don’t know you. I don’t know your life. You are not putting it in, around, or anywhere near me so long as it’s not wrapped up like the last Christmas present under the couch. If that’s not okay, I recommend you stop having sex post haste.
SMT: Seriously, does this need any explanation? Unless you two have been married or been together in the relationship for a long time and have had your medical checks done - sex without protection is like deliberately flirting with danger and inviting trouble. If you are not bothered with the possibility of contracting any diseases, what about unexpected pregnancies? As if the stats of unwanted pregnancies and sexual diseases are not scary enough as it is. 
I know of so many guys who claim that they are so gifted in "pulling themselves out" at the very last minute that they continue to have sex without protection to this day. And they are so proud of it. Mind boggling. I also know of some women who specialises in entrapping men by making sure that they become pregnant so that they can get "something" from the guys. Then, of course, there are plenty of cases of women and men being forced to get hitched because of "surprise pregnancies". However, none of these come close to the sad cases of men and women who have contracted sexual diseases as a result of unprotected sex. Some of these  illnesses are terminal. And trust me, no one wants to go down that "diseased" path if they can help it. 
Suggestion: By all means, have fun. But isn't it much better to have responsible and protected fun? Because it protects you and the partner involved. Then, both of you can actually continue to have fun without the worries of what I have outlined above.

4. Developing feelings against your will.

If someone has worked out the magic formula to just having an awesome fuck buddy for whom you never develop real emotions and with whom things never get complicated or painful, please tell us. You can’t keep that information all to yourself and expect the rest of us normal people to just pick up on it. Because from where I stand, there is a moment somewhere in the post-orgasm spoon where your brain just starts going, “But, come on, you kind of love this person. At least a little bit. Come on.” And that shit is no fun.
SMT: Classic. Isn't it also classically funny how guys are the ones who can do this without ever developing more feelings for their partners? This "FWB" or Friends With Benefits crap always end up hurting someone's feelings or breaking the girl's heart. 
Seriously, LADIES, if a guy proposes such an arrangement to you and you actually like the guy, please do not EVER think that the guy would change his mind if he started having sex with you. GUYS do not think like GIRLS. It is amazing how some of them WILL NEVER care about the girls they sleep with. Some women are literally sex objects to some guys. 
GUYS, if sex is all you want - wait, let me rephrase that - if free sex is all you want and you think that the girl is willing to put out for you, then please be clear and honest upfront with her. Do not string her along just because you want the free sex at your beck and call. That shit is downright cruel and mean.
Women will always be the emotional ones. But that is precisely what makes them so beautiful and unique as they are. If they were built like men, then the world would be a drastically different place. 
Suggestion: Honesty and clarity upfront are best. Please do not mislead one another. By all means, please stop playing games. Such imbecile high school behaviour does not equate to actions from mature, responsible sexual adults. 

5. People who can’t laugh at the funnier aspects of sex.

Sometimes you’re going to make a weird, squishy noise during sex. Someone might slip off. Someone might queef. Anything could happen. And if you’re the kind of person who makes things all weird and awkward and isn’t capable of having a good laugh about the odd-but-natural aspects of the human body, you are making for some seriously lackluster sex. Being able to laugh is what makes everything great (and what makes people comfortable enough to experiment with all the more saucy positions).
SMT: Humour is such a delightful component of life. Sometimes, sex can have its own comedic moments. There is no big deal when it happens. Just laugh it off and then, continue to enjoy being intimate and discovering each other's unique body parts and the sounds they can make. Although the structural elements of bodies are made the same, no two people have the same issues or relationship with their bodies. There is really no need to make a big deal out of nothing.
Suggestion: A little humour and loving kindness can really work to lighten a situation - especially when attempting very... erm..."challenging" positions. Do expect the unexpected to happen when trying out the never-before-done positions.  

6. Obviously fake orgasms.

No one buys your insane, operatic, starts-the-second-you-lay-a-single-finger-on-her orgasms. Every time someone fakes an orgasm — especially an orgasm that seems too good to be true (yet is believed by some naive person who just wants it to be real so badly), you are ruining it for the rest of us gals who refuse to fake it out. Every time a man has looked at her with a mix of earnest disappointment, frustration, and disbelief, asking her, “Why can’t you come? Every other girl did,” it is your fault. Yours.
SMT: Another classic. If I had every penny for a guy who claimed that no women had ever faked orgasm with him and the women who have said that they had. Haha. Sorry, it is just so laughable when some guys try to make themselves feel better by saying this, and then goes blaming the women when they can't cum. I know it is hard to believe and let alone, accept but seriously, not all men can make their women climax each and every time as they would like to think. At the end of the day, when it gets so bad, the women just had to fake it in order to get it over and done with. It happens. And yes, she was being nice to the guy by faking it. 
Suggestion: Like I said before, intimacy is so much more than intercourse. Taking the time to get the woman in the right mood takes more work than it would require to get a man into the right mode for sex. Hence, please do not play the blame game. Most of all, do not start getting all impatient. In sex, there is no such thing as rushing a woman. Unless of course, she wants to be rushed. Again, the key operative words here are "what she wants" and "how she feels". 

7. Not taking the time to properly clean oneself.

Sure, there can be the occasional hot, sweaty moment of post-workout love. But that does not mean that every time you hook up, you’re exempt from having to give things a good little scrub. There is a difference between having that natural “people” taste down there and essentially being like a brick of sweaty camembert that wants to be licked. Don’t put that nonsense on anyone, let alone someone who is kind enough to be having sex with you.
SMT: I have only this to say on this subject - CLEANLINESS IS GODLINESS. There is just no substitute for personal hygiene and cleanliness. If one cannot even be bothered with being clean and well groomed with their private parts, I dread to imagine the rest.  
Suggestion: One's personal hygiene and cleanliness should be one's top priority. If someone is interested in having sex with you, please be considerate enough to have your private areas cleaned prior to the act itself. Otherwise, expect that they will run for the door or never come back.

8. Moves that were clearly learned from a bad porno.

The jackhammer is not a move. The “just going for the vagina without any kind of warming up or even a little bit of something to lubricate it because women are always in a state of moist readiness” is not a move. The “fast and dry handy with not even a little spit on the palm to get things started” is not a move. None of these are moves. Stop watching porn, and start watching the way your partner’s body moves.
SMT: AGAIN, real sex is NOT porn! Please get that straight to your heads. And no, I am not referring to the "little heads" here. Even porn stars do not act like they do in their porn movies when they are having real sex with their real life partners. Seriously. Please do read my article about this here

Real men and women who have real sex do not use porn as their guide to sex. In fact, porn is no way a manual to sex in the real sense. I can't tell you how many women who have been exasperated by men who "imagine" that they are porn stars, performing all those really "ridiculous" moves on them. If the women did not tell you to your face, they were just being nice. However, I am sharing all these with you because I am being nicer by wanting you to improve for real. 
Suggestion: Please do not be misguided and misinformed by porn. And if porn is where you got your sexual education from, please un-learn and delete the entire program from your RAM and Hard Drive. You'd be better off paying a prostitute to teach you how to have sex with a woman than going through porn. Honestly. This is why getting to know your partner and listening to what he or she wants are CRUCIAL. 

9. Trying to “accidentally” do something during the act.

No one “accidentally” puts it in the butt. No one. Not even you. You’re not magic. Stop trying it.

SMT: Remember what I explained about women and BJs? Well, what is worse than a BJ is anal sex. Yes, many women are just plain horrified with the idea, let alone the act. To top it off with people who have no regard for personal hygiene, it is beyond nasty. So, please do not attempt to go where no man has gone before, unless you have been specifically and clearly directed to do so. No, it is not what you think she meant or imagined that she implied. Your partner must have explicitly communicated that she likes taking it from the "end zone" for you to get the "green light" in doing so. 

Suggestion: Please kindly just listen to what your partner says and even more so to what she does not say. When in doubt, please do just open your mouth and ask nicely or politely. 

10. Not listening.

If someone doesn’t like something, stop it. If they look uncomfortable, stop it. If their body tenses up, stop it. Ask them what they want (and actually listen). Because if there’s one thing that will ruin even the best sexual encounter, it’s assuming that you know what works best and barreling forth at full steam despite how the other person’s face is all crinkled up in displeasure. None of us are Gods. We are all capable of making mistakes. In listening, and learning, do we actually become good. And we should all be good. TC mark
SMT: As I have said before and I will emphasize again - PLEASE LISTEN and do not be afraid to ask your partner what she or he likes. Especially, the ladies - please do not assume that the men will know. By all means, do not think that they get the vibes or signals you have been sending. MEN ARE NOT KNOWN TO BE telepathic or sensitive in that respect. 

Seriously, communication is paramount in every encounter between a man and a woman. So much can be misunderstood or misinterpreted between a man and a woman. Hence, it is even more essential in the realms of intimacy to avoid misunderstandings and to eradicate any miscommunication. So, please do not be shy about telling each other what you like or dislike, what is a no entry zone for you, and what are the happy g-spots for you, etc. The more we know, the better we can make one another feel. 

The whole act of being together should always be fun, mutually pleasing and satisfying. Therefore, learning about one another is an important step to achieving a gratifying and fulfilling experience for both parties. 

At all times, please do remember to respect one another throughout all activities performed between you and your partner. Respect should come into play regardless of whether you love the person or not. Respect is the most basic humane courtesy one can extend to another fellow human being, especially to one whom we are engaging in intimacy with.

To illustrate how men and women view sex differently, I leave you all with two quotes from two very famous individuals -

"Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex." ~ Barbara Cartland

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. And if by "place", you mean, "parking lot", then yes." ~ Billy Crystal

Peace to all! 


  1. I fanned you on huffpost and said to myself, "this girl's a writer!". Little did I know how much. Fun blog. I like the Buddhism and the Kali (scary!). I live near the Chuang Yen monastery in Putnam County, NY and occasionally visit there, despite my general irreligiosity. Unfortunately the place has gained some infamy because of a mass food poisoning case on Mother's Day. It wasn't their fault! I hope you are out having fun tonight and not being a lame-o like me watching an SNL rerun. See you on huffpost. BobbyC.

    You are much braver than I!

    1. Thanks for your kind comments, Bobby C. See you on Huffpost. Have a great one :)

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