"Most bad behaviour comes from insecurity." ~ Debra Winger
Who in this world has not felt envy, anger, jealousy or hatred?
Do you know where all these negative emotions and thoughts stem from?
Michael Neill suggests that they originate from insecurity.
What contaminates us is our own sense of insecurity. It is like a virus that transforms all positive energies, thoughts and feelings into ugly ones. What's worse, it makes us into lesser beings than what we know we are capable of.
Apparently, people who suffer from insecurity are said to possess the following traits in varying degrees:-
- Have difficulties in establishing healthy, long-lasting relationships.
- Be perceived incorrectly by others as being snobbish or uppity.
- Become victims of fears that impair their freedom of action or choice.
- Be candidates for paranoia, feeling others are out to get them.
- Scare others away from them by their defensive attitude.
- Be over-controlled emotionally, having problems letting others in on their emotions. This can lead others to guess what is going on until the passivity of the insecure person leads to an over-reaction by the others, resulting in conflict or rejection.
- Have problems on the job or in school when they have the knowledge, skills and abilities to do a task efficiently but are told to do it in a different, less effective manner. They get so uptight about the job and are fearful of standing up for what they believe that they get angry, hostile and resentful until they either quit or succeed in submerging their emotions.
- Get passed over for promotions, advances or honours because they are so quiet about what it is they do. This leads the insecure persons to feel more unaccepted, unappreciated and under-valued.
- Have problems meeting people and often can become debilitated socially by chronic shyness.
- Become so inward that they seek to escape into their fantasy life rather than deal with the reality of their lives.
Though the list is not exhaustive, but it gives us some ideas. Of course, the society and its insistence on what is acceptable and the norm do not help alleviate the sense of insecurity that one may feel.
From wikipedia, emotional insecurity is defined as
A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future. This is a common trait, which only differs in degree between people.
Insecurity may contribute to the development of shyness, paranoia and social withdrawal, or alternatively it may encourage compensatory behaviors such as arrogance, aggression, or bullying, in some cases.
Naturally, there are many levels of insecurity and it affects people in different ways. For example, I know some of the most good looking and beautiful people who are also insecure but in varying degrees. Hence, they may feel the need to project or assert their "beauty" more than others. And they may choose to do so in a variety of ways.
In other cases, some people who display a high level of aggression may use their hostility or confrontational attitude to mask their own insecurity. It is interesting to note how some of the "loudest" individuals may be hiding their insecurity by over compensating with their speech or "loud behaviour".
Insecurity can wreck havoc in our communication with those around us, our friendships and relationships with loved ones. So, how do we really break free from the chains of our insecurity?
I find his article helpful in breaking down insecurity for us to see, and thereby making it easier for us to visualize its dire effects on us.
Please read his article from Huffpost below.