Every Friday, I write about interesting spaces that provide unique experiences in NST RED. This WEEK, I would like to do SOMETHING DIFFERENT because the day of Love is coming up. Moreover, I'd like to dedicate this article to all the SINGLE PEOPLE out there. Because traditionally, Valentine's Day is a day that casually excludes the singles with all the fancy places in every city customising menus and programs solely for couples. Therefore, I would like to share how every “single” person can create interesting experiences in a place of their choice. After all, how much enjoyment we derive in one place is only determined by what we do there. So, it is about making the places work in your favour.
Welcome to the "Seduction Class 101".
BECAUSE most of the time guys and gals are too shy to make a move, and this is why NOTHING happens. For some, it is just too awkward - especially for women. But what if the person of your dreams is in the same room as you are tonight or tomorrow night? Would you deny yourself the opportunity to find out?
The majority of the people out there think that one must be good looking, dressed well, be charismatic or charming or "well-endowed" in order to attract someone. If one is not physically appealing, it's game over. However, this is not the case. Don't get me wrong - it does help when one is gifted with beauty and looks. BUT I'll have you know that the famous Josephine was not the most beautiful of all women but she still managed to make Napolean stay madly in love with her. In fact even Cleopatra was not gorgeous in the traditional sense of the word, and yet she managed to conquer the hearts of great men such as Julius Caeser and Mark Anthony. Let me give you another example, a particular Mr. Gabriele D'Annunzio was nothing to looking at all. To be exact, he was also short and portly. However, he had women swoon all over him during the Roman 1880's, Women just could not get enough of him. Go ahead and google him if you don't want to take my words for it.
In any case, my point is - it not so much about your looks but more about how you carry yourself. Here, I would like to introduce you all to a famous FB friend, Mr. J.T.Tran, who is a professional “Pick-Up Artist” (PUA) and Dating Coach. He runs a successful business in coaching people how to “seduce” the object of your affection no matter where you are. He is hailed as the "The Asian Playboy". So, do I have your complete attention now?
Now, I know what you all are thinking. You are gasping in disbelief because JT comes across as an average guy. He looks like any one of us walking down the street and you wonder how did he earn the coveted titled of "The Asian Playboy".
JT's Personal Story
Jerry Tran or JT grew up in Dallas, USA. He did not live in a multi-cultural area. So, his childhood was punctured with a lot of racism. Hence, he learnt to develop a rather “thick skin” over time.
"To this day, it takes a lot to get to me and that has really served me in my career and teaching."
Prior to becoming a PUA, JT was an Aerospace Engineer. However, he found no fulfillment in his job as he saw how everyone else was having fun and getting ahead in life through their social “smart” skills.
"I had studied aerospace engineering and had a great job with the government but I wasn't doing anything. My life did not feel fulfilled."
So, he began educating himself with “Applied Psychology” and dating skills about nine years ago.
"I simply got tired of accepting my lot in life. I knew I could be better in all aspects of my life."
He broke out by blogging and writing about his interactions with women - including his successes and embarrassing failures. He quickly became the first and the most popular Asian Dating Bloggers on the internet. Today, JT runs programs called “bootcamps”. They are basically a weekend full of intense fun, education, and life changing moments. His clients have ranged from celebrities to students, professionals to politicians, from “players” to “family men”, and beyond! He has been interviewed by ABC News, AsianWeek and countless other tv stations. JT also maintains a column in LA Weekly and Baller Magazine.
You can find out more at http://www.ABCsOfAttraction.com and yes, please do google him as well.
THE SEDUCTION CLASS 101
So, we all know that Valentine’s Day has just passed and single people are often left out, because all the places have special menus and programs catered for couples only. According to JT, although it is just a fabricated commercialized day, it is one filled with opportunities.
“Seriously, if you're single on Valentine’s Day, I think it's the best time to attend a singles event and get out of your comfort zone. There is nothing desperate about going out and meeting people. I think men and women alike come up with plenty excuses as to why they never meet anyone they like when in reality, a lot of their problems are self-made. Get out there and say hello to someone you find attractive.The great thing about going out on Valentine's Day is that if she's at bar or club that night, then that means she's single and looking for a boyfriend!”
You might ask where should one go to meet new people. Actually, the place is immaterial. It is not where you go to but what you do in that place that counts.
As JT advises, “A short guy like myself has a better chance of surprising a girl with my confident and boisterous personality. I don't play the James Bond, tall, dark, and handsome thing but rather I'm short, stunning, and smooth. If you're just starting out and don't have the confidence to practise in a club, you're going to have an even harder time in approaching a girl in the bright light of day with no music or cocktails as a social lubricants. You need to practise in the most difficult circumstances to be better in the easiest of circumstances. Regardless of where you choose to socialize, the most important step is to get out there and meet people.”
Now that you have picked your venue of choice, what should you do when you get there? Apparently, there are a few options as stated by JT.
“When I walk into a club and if it's somewhere I've never been before, I take my time and survey the atmosphere. I locate the bar, the smoking patio, the restrooms, and places I could sit down later. It's also important to act like you've been there before. Greet the staff in a confident, friendly manner. Look people in the eye and smile. You always want to be the cool and calm guy, not the hyper weird guy who is lurking around the club. Stand up straight and tall. It's amazing how often I have to remind guys to stand up straight. The same could be said for women. A tall woman in heels is a sight to behold. But first and foremost, SMILE! It is so vital that you smile. I can never emphasize this enough. You don't want to wear the ‘Asian Poker Face’. You want to smile and make her want to flirt back with you.”
By the way, it is really allowed for women to show an interest in someone she likes. It is also permissible for her to make the first move.
JT elaborates, “Social skills and emotional intelligence is helpful for all men and women. A lot of women assume too much about men. Women shouldn't be afraid to go after someone they are interested in. Don't be too shy to show interest in a guy. A lot of what I teach has to do with confidence.”
Over the time, anyone can become good at it. If JT can do it, why is stopping the rest of us?
JT shares, “These days, I no longer have to go to "great lengths" to meet a girl. If I see someone out that I want to meet, I simply go up and talk to them. I've been studying and practicing how to positively interact with people for so long that it's practicality second nature to me.”
The biggest mistake many single people do is leaving things to chance or fate. If everything was left to the powers of serendipity, then nothing may happen for you in a very long time.
JT further expounds, “If you think a girl or guy you're interested in is going to magically come up and talk you, that's a very unrealistic way of getting what you want. Even if you're a shy person, just practise smiling and saying ‘hello’ to new people every day will help you break out of your comfort zone. After you're able to do that without shaking in your shoes, then initiate a conversation - even if it's something mundane like how nice the weather is. Keep in mind that you are your own worst enemy and will give yourself every excuse so you don't have to talk to people. So, take responsibility for your life and initiate human interaction. If you don't go up and talk to her, someone else will, and then you've missed your chance. Anything worth going after is rarely easy.”
I know that for most people it is their fear of rejection that stops them from making that first move. After all, there are psychos out there. However, you are in a public place and you should be able to gauge her or his sanity once you start talking to them. The point is, do not let fear of rejection paralyse you.
JT has never been shy about sharing his stories of rejection with his students.
He readily opens up, “If you want to learn how to talk to people, rejection is unavoidable. It can also be very painful and humiliating. But you learn a lot from doing things ‘incorrectly’. One of the worst rejections happened to me not at the beginning of my journey into Pick Up, but somewhere in the middle. I was out with a group of friends and when we arrived at the bar, I went about my business, opening up girls and circulating around the room. I saw a group of about five girls who were all Asian except for one blonde, who had her back to me. In my head I was thinking, "A blonde girl hanging out with all Asians, she must really like Asians!" So, I approached and turned the blonde around - it's an Asian girl who had dyed her hair blonde! Before I can even get a word out, she shoves her hand in my face and says, "No! Go away, we don't talk to Asians. Go away!" To be honest, I felt crushed. Not only had I been rejected by a group of girls, but by someone of my own race. However, I let it slide off my back the best I could. I can't change her mind about something like that. I knew inherently that it wasn't even my fault she felt like that. Rejection isn't easy, but usually she is not rejecting you, she's rejecting your approach or she feels very strongly one way or another before you even walk up to her.”
Without trying, there would be no results. Basically, this applies to all aspects of life. JT has learnt a great deal in his journey of being a professional PUA. He likens the school of Pick Up to the school of hard knocks. Yes, it will hurt a lot, but mostly it is only your bruised ego and it will heal. Then it will get easier.
JT further shares, “I've learned to appreciate the fine art of conversation. Even today, you rarely meet a girl who is truly good at intelligent conversation. I've also learned to care less about what other people think. This doesn't mean that you should walk around being a jerk to everyone because you just don't care. This means, not letting negative people get you down.”
Since this article is out before Valentine's Day, it is actually a good thing. There is still tonight and the nights leading up to the February 14th for you singles to test out what JT has imparted. Seriously, what do you have to lose? The most she or he can say is NO. You will not die from this. But if she or he actually says YES - your love life could literally change :)
As JT said, “It's ultimately about confidence and being a better man today than you were yesterday.”
Until next time, I wish you all much luck and happy meeting new people.