No Love Allowed - The Assassination of the Heart

Ms. Jada Pinkett Smith shares some beautiful thought-provoking words, inspired from Rihanna's song: "No Love Allowed".

It is interesting that Ms. J likens the end of a relationship to the murder of the heart. 

I suppose, in some ways, our hearts do die a sort of death when the ones we have loved and cherished choose to dispose of us.

However, I find that during the course of a relationship, the act of "murder" has been systematically carried out through a period of time before the "final blow" occurs.

A breakdown of a relationship or friendship does not happen in one sweeping act - even if it does, it is very rare.

Usually it is a series of breakdowns that occur over a long period of time that lead to an eventual demise of a relationship or friendship.

No one ever enters into a relationship with the thought of breaking it down or leaving. Hence, it takes a succession of "murders" to gnaw away at our hearts, love, hopes and cherished ideals before it finally kills us off. Emotionally, as well as mentally.

As Ms. Jada Pinkett Smith eloquently shares -

I have always loved these words in this song because I believe it is indicative of emotional murder that I see too often.

What is emotional murder? How we objectify people in relationships is emotional murder. How we USE people for a FUNCTION in relationships is emotional murder. How we can claim an individual to be the love of our lives but yet replace them within a day or two with a new life-love is…emotional murder. Can true love dispose of love in that way? My opinion is no. My opinion is that we can only dispose of people in that way when we have objectified them. I believe this is very closely related to the objectification of actual murders.

I don’t think we recognize how much, in how many ways, or all the justifications we give ourselves to USE people in the name of love. It’s one of the worst crimes. I don’t think we realize how easily we are willing to dispose of a person after the feelings are all used up.

But is it possible to use a person up… if we are actually in a relationship with the person themselves and relating to what we value within them as a human being, as a lover, a wife, a husband, a friend, a mother, afather and so on? Can we dispose of people when we relate to them beyond how they make us feel? With that in mind, if a relationship has changed or altered could it merit disposal? You tell me.

J

Lack of acknowledgment – murders the heart

Lack of gratitude and appreciation – murders the heart

Dishonesty – murders the heart

Domination – murders the heart

Passivity – murders the heart

If you like…continue the list.

In our daily lives, these types of murders probably occur in our heads a few times in a day.

If each of us were tried and sentenced according to the murderous acts that are carried out in our heads/hearts, we might have to be sent to prison several times a day.

Hate - Murders the heart

Expectations - Murders the heart

Apathy - Murders the heart

Anger - Murders the heart

Inertia - Murders the heart

What we do not realise is that as we mentally or emotionally "kill" someone in our head or hearts, we are also killing our own hearts in return. 

Negative thoughts always begat the death of positive thoughts.

Nothing kills humanity more than negativity.

As we dispense violence and hate onto people around us in our every-day lives, we think that we are disposing of "bad rubbish" from our lives. However, we may also run the risk of assassinating all that is good and positive in ourselves.

I know it is not easy to shield ourselves from someone else's emotional or mental attack on us. Sometimes, we are left paralysed with fear or crippled with emotional/mental wounds.

It is not easy to NOT be engulfed by all the negative emotions that someone may put us through or throw at us. It is not easy to shake off the lack of their love, care or kindness. Sometimes, an escape may not even be possible.

However, we do have a choice. WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.

We do not need to be pulled into someone else's vortex of negative emotions and thoughts. Their deadly emotional or mental storms need not eat us up IF we do not allow it.

We can refuse to be dragged into it. 

We can learn to disassociate ourselves from their negativity.

We need not be driven to commit any further negative acts or thoughts just because they are doing it. 

In time, we can even learn to drawn them into our world of peace.

A relationship may end, for whatever reason - but the people involved need not "die a horrible death" or be "murdered" in the emotional or mental sense. 

What we are choosing to dispose of is really the negativity that has been ruling the relationship. 

No one deserves to be imprisoned in a negative relationship or a relationship with a violently negative individual.

When we truly understand how we do not want to be used, disposed of or remotely experience any pain and suffering, we would truly exert more effort in not doing the same to those around us.

When we value love, respect and kindness - we would take the time to treat others with such. 

Then, in time, we each would become a source of peace as well as love.

Most people think of love as romantic love. However, I think that love is all encompassing and applies to all of humanity. When this love dies, the heart dies. 

To me, Love is the oxygen that fuels humanity.

Peace to all!

THE BASIC SEDUCTION CLASS 101

Every Friday, I write about interesting spaces that provide unique experiences in NST RED. This WEEK, I would like to do SOMETHING DIFFERENT because the day of Love is coming up. Moreover, I'd like to dedicate this article to all the SINGLE PEOPLE out there. Because traditionally, Valentine's Day is a day that casually excludes the singles with all the fancy places in every city customising menus and programs solely for couples. Therefore, I would like to share how every “single” person can create interesting experiences in a place of their choice. After all, how much enjoyment we derive in one place is only determined by what we do there. So, it is about making the places work in your favour.

Welcome to the "Seduction Class 101". 

BECAUSE most of the time guys and gals are too shy to make a move, and this is why NOTHING happens. For some, it is just too awkward - especially for women. But what if the person of your dreams is in the same room as you are tonight or tomorrow night? Would you deny yourself the opportunity to find out?

The majority of the people out there think that one must be good looking, dressed well, be charismatic or charming or "well-endowed" in order to attract someone. If one is not physically appealing, it's game over. However, this is not the case. Don't get me wrong - it does help when one is gifted with beauty and looks. BUT I'll have you know that the famous Josephine was not the most beautiful of all women but she still managed to make Napolean stay madly in love with her. In fact even Cleopatra was not gorgeous in the traditional sense of the word, and yet she managed to conquer the hearts of great men such as Julius Caeser and Mark Anthony. Let me give you another example, a particular Mr. Gabriele D'Annunzio was nothing to looking at all. To be exact, he was also short and portly. However, he had women swoon all over him during the Roman 1880's, Women just could not get enough of him. Go ahead and google him if you don't want to take my words for it.

In any case, my point is - it not so much about your looks but more about how you carry yourself. Here, I would like to introduce you all to a famous FB friend, Mr. J.T.Tran, who is a professional “Pick-Up Artist” (PUA) and Dating Coach. He runs a successful business in coaching people how to “seduce” the object of your affection no matter where you are. He is hailed as the "The Asian Playboy". So, do I have your complete attention now?  

JT Tran

Now, I know what you all are thinking. You are gasping in disbelief because JT comes across as an average guy. He looks like any one of us walking down the street and you wonder how did he earn the coveted titled of "The Asian Playboy". 

JT's Personal Story

Jerry Tran or JT grew up in Dallas, USA. He did not live in a multi-cultural area. So, his childhood was punctured with a lot of racism. Hence, he learnt to develop a rather “thick skin” over time. 

"To this day, it takes a lot to get to me and that has really served me in my career and teaching." 

Prior to becoming a PUA, JT was an Aerospace Engineer. However, he found no fulfillment in his job as he saw how everyone else was having fun and getting ahead in life through their social “smart” skills. 

"I had studied aerospace engineering and had a great job with the government but I wasn't doing anything. My life did not feel fulfilled."

So, he began educating himself with “Applied Psychology” and dating skills about nine years ago. 

"I simply got tired of accepting my lot in life. I knew I could be better in all aspects of my life." 

He broke out by blogging and writing about his interactions with women - including his successes and embarrassing failures. He quickly became the first and the most popular Asian Dating Bloggers on the internet. Today, JT runs programs called “bootcamps”. They are basically a weekend full of intense fun, education, and life changing moments. His clients have ranged from celebrities to students, professionals to politicians, from “players” to “family men”, and beyond! He has been interviewed by ABC News, AsianWeek and countless other tv stations. JT also maintains a column in LA Weekly and Baller Magazine.

You can find out more at http://www.ABCsOfAttraction.com and yes, please do google him as well. 

THE SEDUCTION CLASS 101

So, we all know that Valentine’s Day has just passed and single people are often left out, because all the places have special menus and programs catered for couples only. According to JT, although it is just a fabricated commercialized day, it is one filled with opportunities. 

“Seriously, if you're single on Valentine’s Day, I think it's the best time to attend a singles event and get out of your comfort zone. There is nothing desperate about going out and meeting people. I think men and women alike come up with plenty excuses as to why they never meet anyone they like when in reality, a lot of their problems are self-made. Get out there and say hello to someone you find attractive.The great thing about going out on Valentine's Day is that if she's at bar or club that night, then that means she's single and looking for a boyfriend!”

You might ask where should one go to meet new people. Actually, the place is immaterial. It is not where you go to but what you do in that place that counts. 

As JT advises, “A short guy like myself has a better chance of surprising a girl with my confident and boisterous personality. I don't play the James Bond, tall, dark, and handsome thing but rather I'm short, stunning, and smooth. If you're just starting out and don't have the confidence to practise in a club, you're going to have an even harder time in approaching a girl in the bright light of day with no music or cocktails as a social lubricants. You need to practise in the most difficult circumstances to be better in the easiest of circumstances. Regardless of where you choose to socialize, the most important step is to get out there and meet people.”

Now that you have picked your venue of choice, what should you do when you get there? Apparently, there are a few options as stated by JT.

“When I walk into a club and if it's somewhere I've never been before, I take my time and survey the atmosphere. I locate the bar, the smoking patio, the restrooms, and places I could sit down later. It's also important to act like you've been there before. Greet the staff in a confident, friendly manner. Look people in the eye and smile. You always want to be the cool and calm guy, not the hyper weird guy who is lurking around the club. Stand up straight and tall. It's amazing how often I have to remind guys to stand up straight. The same could be said for women. A tall woman in heels is a sight to behold. But first and foremost, SMILE! It is so vital that you smile. I can never emphasize this enough. You don't want to wear the ‘Asian Poker Face’. You want to smile and make her want to flirt back with you.”

By the way, it is really allowed for women to show an interest in someone she likes. It is also permissible for her to make the first move. 

JT elaborates, “Social skills and emotional intelligence is helpful for all men and women. A lot of women assume too much about men. Women shouldn't be afraid to go after someone they are interested in. Don't be too shy to show interest in a guy. A lot of what I teach has to do with confidence.”

Over the time, anyone can become good at it. If JT can do it, why is stopping the rest of us?

JT shares, “These days, I no longer have to go to "great lengths" to meet a girl. If I see someone out that I want to meet, I simply go up and talk to them. I've been studying and practicing how to positively interact with people for so long that it's practicality second nature to me.”

The biggest mistake many single people do is leaving things to chance or fate. If everything was left to the powers of serendipity, then nothing may happen for you in a very long time. 

JT further expounds, “If you think a girl or guy you're interested in is going to magically come up and talk you, that's a very unrealistic way of getting what you want. Even if you're a shy person, just practise smiling and saying ‘hello’ to new people every day will help you break out of your comfort zone. After you're able to do that without shaking in your shoes, then initiate a conversation - even if it's something mundane like how nice the weather is. Keep in mind that you are your own worst enemy and will give yourself every excuse so you don't have to talk to people. So, take responsibility for your life and initiate human interaction. If you don't go up and talk to her, someone else will, and then you've missed your chance. Anything worth going after is rarely easy.” 

I know that for most people it is their fear of rejection that stops them from making that first move. After all, there are psychos out there. However, you are in a public place and you should be able to gauge her or his sanity once you start talking to them. The point is, do not let fear of rejection paralyse you.

JT has never been shy about sharing his stories of rejection with his students. 

He readily opens up, “If you want to learn how to talk to people, rejection is unavoidable. It can also be very painful and humiliating. But you learn a lot from doing things ‘incorrectly’. One of the worst rejections happened to me not at the beginning of my journey into Pick Up, but somewhere in the middle. I was out with a group of friends and when we arrived at the bar, I went about my business, opening up girls and circulating around the room. I saw a group of about five girls who were all Asian except for one blonde, who had her back to me. In my head I was thinking, "A blonde girl hanging out with all Asians, she must really like Asians!" So, I approached and turned the blonde around - it's an Asian girl who had dyed her hair blonde! Before I can even get a word out, she shoves her hand in my face and says, "No! Go away, we don't talk to Asians. Go away!" To be honest, I felt crushed. Not only had I been rejected by a group of girls, but by someone of my own race. However, I let it slide off my back the best I could. I can't change her mind about something like that. I knew inherently that it wasn't even my fault she felt like that. Rejection isn't easy, but usually she is not rejecting you, she's rejecting your approach or she feels very strongly one way or another before you even walk up to her.”

Without trying, there would be no results. Basically, this applies to all aspects of life. JT has learnt a great deal in his journey of being a professional PUA. He likens the school of Pick Up to the school of hard knocks. Yes, it will hurt a lot, but mostly it is only your bruised ego and it will heal. Then it will get easier.

JT further shares, “I've learned to appreciate the fine art of conversation. Even today, you rarely meet a girl who is truly good at intelligent conversation. I've also learned to care less about what other people think. This doesn't mean that you should walk around being a jerk to everyone because you just don't care. This means, not letting negative people get you down.”

Since this article is out before Valentine's Day, it is actually a good thing. There is still tonight and the nights leading up to the February 14th for you singles to test out what JT has imparted. Seriously, what do you have to lose? The most she or he can say is NO. You will not die from this. But if she or he actually says YES - your love life could literally change :)

As JT said, “It's ultimately about confidence and being a better man today than you were yesterday.”

Until next time, I wish you all much luck and happy meeting new people.

THINGS THAT WOMEN FIND SEXY ABOUT MEN

This post is dedicated to the guys, especially the really good ones. 
Because they are the ones who rock my world. 
Through the good men, I witnessed the greatness of mankind. 
Through the good ones, I realised that I will never settle for anything less.
Thank goodness for the really good men!
This is why I am actually glad that men and women are really different. 

As I have said before, learning more will help us understand better.
So, it is in this spirit that I am sharing this post.

Now, below are the ten things what a typical male thinks makes a man sexy to a woman. Yes, it is written by men. You can read their whole article here. 

Source: http://datingrelationship-advice.blogspot.com/2009/03/hot-sexy-guys.html

1) Smile - This is self explanatory
2) Masculinity - The way he moves and talks
3) Confidence - Make her feel protected and taking charge
4) Eye Contact - Especially when talking and not staring at her boobs
5) Aromatic Scent - Smells nice
6) Having a Sense of Style - Looks nice and dresses well
7) Communication Skills - Know how to talk to a woman
8) Ability to Cook - An actual meal that's impressive
9) Having Sensitivity - Confidentiality, empathy and trust
10) Sense of Humour - Make her laugh

Notice how these are mostly designed to attract the women to the men, but it may not necessarily be the very things that women find sexy about a man. 

Although I have to say the Aromatic Scent thing is a must with me, and women like me. I can't stand men who smell like they have not showered for weeks, or those who seem to shower in the whole bottle of cologne. Just a tad hint of the scent, guys. Go easy with the cologne, please. You do not want to suffocate the woman now, do you? 

I'll tell you when the men smell really sexy - it is precisely when the hint of his cologne is mixed with his own natural scent. Now, that's what I'd call: "oozing sexiness". 

Now, let us look at what WOMEN find sexy in MEN. And yes, this is from the perspective of a woman. You can read Melanie Curtin's entire article here.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/ten-things-i-find-sexy-ab_b_2602313.html?ir=Women 

Here are the top 10 such things:

10. Lift Me Up
The guy that picks me up and spins me around, or holds me tightly with my arms and legs wrapped right around him, will always win my heart. Depending on the context, it is one of the sexiest, most comforting, or most erotic of experiences. Even if we're not dating, I always feel happy and free and feminine.

Perhaps it is the reminder of your strength, or my petite-ness, or both at the same time. Perhaps it's the sensual, spontaneous experience of the way we fit together, the way our bodies are connected in that moment. Perhaps it's just the fact that you're bigger than me.

Whatever it is, it's sexy.

9. Open Doors & Give Up Seats
I find it annoying when people say chivalry is dead. It's not. It's alive and kicking -- yes, even in the younger generation.

I know this because, amongst other things, I ride the NYC subway. There, I've experienced many men -- good men, great men -- give up their seats for the elderly (both women and men), open doors for others, and help me lift my (many) suitcases up the (many) stairs. To them I say, I salute you. I thank you.

Some women hate it when men open doors for them. They may interpret it as a statement that they can't take care of themselves, or that they're somehow less independent because a man is doing something for them.

I am not one of these women. I love it when a man carries my groceries for me, lets me go ahead of him in line, opens a door for me, or schleps my luggage.

I know I could do these things by myself, for myself. I've done them plenty of times. But when someone else does it, it really does make my life a little bit easier. I feel taken care of. Especially in cities, where we spend a lot of our time with headphones in, consciously ignoring everyone around us, it feels really good to be noticed. The way these men are says, "I see you." I care about you, simply because you're alive.

I also look at that guy who just gave up his seat in a new light. He comes across as strong, aware, trustworthy, significant. He comes across like a man.

8. Initiate Middle-of-the-Night Sex
If you know how to do this right (slooowly, softly, **gently**), it is one of the sexiest things in the world. I love the feeling of being touched between states of consciousness, of arousal before awareness. I adore the dissolving quality of dark, sleepy caresses, the extension of the dreamlike state of not knowing where you stop and I begin.

And I love the slow build, the way a man who knows what he's doing carefully rearranges my body for me, gently positioning me so that I don't have to do anything. The fact that he's guiding the situation, softly but firmly in control, means that I can just lay there languidly and enjoy the ride.

Yes, please. Over and over and three times on Sunday.

7. Deal With Sh*t
I have many talents. I can speak five languages. I'm a good writer. I'm exquisitely empathetic. I kick ass at Trivial Pursuit. I can even dance the tango at a near-professional level. However, I suck at practical, common sense stuff. I can barely change a lightbulb, let alone fix sh*t around the house.

But my dude roommate can. And I gotta tell you, it's sexy. I came home the other day and a set of lights that had been out for months (literally months!) were fixed. Just like that. Ditto the thermostat. When I asked him how he did it, all I heard was, "Wah wah wah," like Charlie Brown's mother. I didn't follow it because I just don't care. I do, however, care that I can now actually see objects in the living room.

I get that this is a cliché -- trust me, I do. It's also true. I find it somehow deeply satisfying that men are distinct. I love that I'm good at things that they're not, and that they effortlessly do things I don't understand at all. I compliment you for complementing me. I get to relax because you just take care of sh*t. It's freeing.

It's also sexy.

6. Be Super Solid While I'm Freaking Out
When I am absolutely losing it about something (legitimate or not), I don't need to be fixed. I don't need to be told what to do, I don't need advice, and I certainly don't need someone to tell me to calm down.

I just need to be witnessed.

That's right, when I'm on my crazy train, I don't want a man to try to stop it (he won't be able to, anyway). I just want him to be with me while I'm on it. I want to know I'm not alone.

So the man who quietly listens, who takes it all in without taking it too seriously, is unbelievably sexy. He is sexy in his solidity, he's sexy in his presence, he's sexy in his naturally grounded nature. He's extra super-really sexy when I can tell that not only is he not intimidated by my freakout, he's actually (respectfully) entertained by it -- he welcomes it.

Those exceptional men I've been with who enjoy the ride, who witness my storms or those of other women with a knowing look, a wisdom that goes beyond my high-strung-ness or defensiveness or just general freakout, are rare.

They're also sexy.

5. Play With Kids
Straight up, it is hot when a man is genuinely good at playing with kids. This does not include faking it to get attention from women -- obviously that's a huge turnoff (and dude, we're biologically made to know when you're faking it). No, it's only -- and very -- hot when he actually likes them. It's probably something primordial, basic, an animalistic understanding that he'd be good at playing with our kids. But who cares?

Because it's not just a sweet moment, like, "Awww, look how good he is with that kid." It's an actual, visceral turn-on -- I literally feel a tingling in my nether regions. It doesn't make me want to have babies with you, but it sure makes me want to make them with you. (Just kidding. Sort of).

4. Accept Emotions
I recently called a guy friend to let him know that I was on my way to meeting up, but I wasn't feeling all that great. Being a little sad and irritable, I said, "Sorry in advance for not being very fun. I'm going to try to get into a better mood."

Do you know what he said?

"If you are, great. If not, great. Whatever you got, bring it."

I felt so accepted I started to tear up. I knew it would be OK even if I wasn't OK -- that I wouldn't be blamed or shamed for not being cheerful or upbeat. I could bring my truth -- my real truth -- and he would still be there.

I wasn't a problem.

When a man resists emotions -- mine or his own, I feel repressed and uncomfortable. A roiling sensation in my stomach builds, that I just can't kick. And in my experience, many men (many people, but men in particular) are threatened by emotions like sadness, anger, or fear. They want to fix it right away to soothe their own anxiety. They can't tolerate the idea that a woman is unhappy. They can't tolerate the idea that they might be blamed for it.

Then there is the man who accepts me in all of my facets, not just the 'pretty' ones. He has learned to be with emotion -- just be with it. He doesn't feel the need to make it go away or turn it into something else. He just accepts, and genuinely wants to know.

With him, I feel deeply safe. I know I can bring ALL of me, and he's going to be able to handle it. I don't have to manage his experience of me. I can just be. And the fact that he wants to know me makes me want to know him. Biblically.

3. Care About His Friends
I fell in love with my last boyfriend in stages. The first was one night when we sat in his truck outside his place while he called his best friend, who had just lost his grandfather. He listened, made manly sounds of sympathy (like grunts), asked about his friend's family members, told his friend he loved him in his own way, and promptly got off the phone.

It was brief, but real and heartfelt. And when I saw him care about his friend -- really care about him, but in a totally different way than I care about my female friends -- I fell pretty hard.

I think he was surprised by how much I wanted him after that phone call. I may or may not have given him a minute, then attacked him right there in the truck.

2. Show His Backbone
If you're my man, I want you to be vulnerable with me. I love watching you agonize over which stuffed animal your 3-year-old niece would like better: The panda or the whale? I enjoy when you tell me about something that's hard for you to admit about your past, or how you didn't have it all together for that presentation at work today, or when you own up to just how much you want me to like the necklace you just gave me (and how stressed you are that maybe I don't). I cherish those moments.

But it also turns me on when you have to be a hardass and you're willing to go there. Pointless aggression is a turn-off, but watching a man enforce strong boundaries is a huge turn-on. It's hot when a man stands up for himself by telling his boss to find someone else to work this weekend, or puts his foot down with the slacker on his team, or quietly but firmly tells his brother that he can't borrow the car (given that he drove it drunk the last time he did). Even when it's directed at me, I love seeing that fire within you, that point of resistance that says NO.
In fact, your NO has me say YES. Yes, yes, yessss.

1. Listen
The sexiest thing a man can do is listen to me -- all of me. With all of him.

Some men don't listen at all. They just don't. They talk about themselves ad nauseam and then wonder what happened when I wander away. These men are generally referred to as "douchebags."

Other men listen in such a manner that they practically collapse into me. They fall all over themselves to "do" listening right, keeping their focus and attention so on me that they lose themselves. In a way, they actually stop listening in their attempt to prove how well they do listen. These men are generally known as "nice guys."

Either way, not sexy.

Then there is the man who maintains his own core while also holding space for me. This man has a way of drawing out my deepest truth simply by being fully present. He isn't thinking about what to say next, whether I still like him, how to get me to stop crying, or what to do now. He's just noticing me, tracking me, tuning himself to me. He's letting the moment unfold without trying to control it. And him taking the lead in this way has me stop trying to control it as well. Which feels good.

This man listens to what I'm saying and what I'm not saying; he listens with his body as well as his heart. He listens with his mind, with his emotions, with his curiosity, with his soul. He asks questions when the time is right, because he really wants to understand, not because he wants to coach me to get somewhere else. He listens to all of me, with all of him.

When I am in his presence, my entire being relaxes. I become more gracious, more present, more in flow. I am expressive without being self-conscious. I am emotional without being reactive. I am beautiful without being perfect. I feel safe, I feel seen, I feel radiant.
In other words, I feel like a woman. With a man.

And that is sexy. For all parties involved.

Melanie Curtin is the founder of "Vixen On The Loose". 

I hope you guys can see the difference in the way women communicate and what they appreciate about a man. Things women find sexy in a man are imbued with her emotions. Because the qualities that turn her on would be the very attributes she would seek in a potential mate or partner. Hence, this is why her choices would have very little to do with a man's looks. A man's physical appearance may attract her at the beginning, but it will not work to sustain a relationship with her unless he possesses some of the qualities listed above. Women are beautiful emotional beings and trust me, you would not want to change that. 

Also, notice that LISTEN is the number one thing on the list. Guys, this is really the central key in maintaining a relationship with a woman. You have got to learn how to listen. And not just with your ears, but your entire being. Most importantly, your heart. I cannot stress this enough.

The two things that are missing from the above list are:- 

1) HIS MIND. I do personally value a man's mind and his intellect. It is to me, one of the most sexy features of a man - his brilliant mind. I am pretty sure, many women would agree with me as well.  

2) HIS SINCERITY. When a man is sincere, he shows that he genuinely cares. And that is super sexy. Always.

I have to say that I agree with Melanie about men being sexy when they are courteous and chivalrous. Here, please allow me to clarify - it is not that I am a helpless damsel who can't do stuff for herself. It is more of the fact that I appreciate what a man does for me - not because he has to or that he is obliged to - BUT BECAUSE he CARES to and he WANTS to.

When anyone does something out of the kindness of their heart, or because they care, I make it a point to show my appreciation. This is just basic human decency and courtesy.

To me, there is no issue of a power struggle between a man and a woman when it comes to a relationship or courtship. It is matter of how much both parties care for each other and how well they can express that care/love through their actions.

So, if there is anything I hope more women and men could do for one another is please CARE MORE and CARE BETTER.

Lastly, these are some of the basic but golden rules in life, love and relationships to live by. I thought I shall share them here.

1. Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.
2. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
3. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.
4. You know you’ve found true love when you catch yourself falling in love with the same person over and over again.
5. Don’t wait for the right person to come into your life.  Rather, be the right person to come to someone’s life.
6. The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.
7. Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
8. Some relationships are like glass.  It’s better to leave it broken, than to hurt yourself more by trying to put it back together.
9. Just because one person doesn’t seem to care for you, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who does.
10. Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.
11. It is okay to be angry.  It is never okay to be cruel.
12. Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.

May each of you find the right person for you.

Good luck and happy dating!