Saturday, March 2, 2013

No Love Allowed - The Assassination of the Heart

Ms. Jada Pinkett Smith shares some beautiful thought-provoking words, inspired from Rihanna's song: "No Love Allowed".

It is interesting that Ms. J likens the end of a relationship to the murder of the heart. 

I suppose, in some ways, our hearts do die a sort of death when the ones we have loved and cherished choose to dispose of us.

However, I find that during the course of a relationship, the act of "murder" has been systematically carried out through a period of time before the "final blow" occurs.

A breakdown of a relationship or friendship does not happen in one sweeping act - even if it does, it is very rare.

Usually it is a series of breakdowns that occur over a long period of time that lead to an eventual demise of a relationship or friendship.

No one ever enters into a relationship with the thought of breaking it down or leaving. Hence, it takes a succession of "murders" to gnaw away at our hearts, love, hopes and cherished ideals before it finally kills us off. Emotionally, as well as mentally.

As Ms. Jada Pinkett Smith eloquently shares -

I have always loved these words in this song because I believe it is indicative of emotional murder that I see too often.

What is emotional murder? How we objectify people in relationships is emotional murder. How we USE people for a FUNCTION in relationships is emotional murder. How we can claim an individual to be the love of our lives but yet replace them within a day or two with a new life-love is…emotional murder. Can true love dispose of love in that way? My opinion is no. My opinion is that we can only dispose of people in that way when we have objectified them. I believe this is very closely related to the objectification of actual murders.
I don’t think we recognize how much, in how many ways, or all the justifications we give ourselves to USE people in the name of love. It’s one of the worst crimes. I don’t think we realize how easily we are willing to dispose of a person after the feelings are all used up.

But is it possible to use a person up… if we are actually in a relationship with the person themselves and relating to what we value within them as a human being, as a lover, a wife, a husband, a friend, a mother, afather and so on? Can we dispose of people when we relate to them beyond how they make us feel? With that in mind, if a relationship has changed or altered could it merit disposal? You tell me.


Lack of acknowledgment – murders the heart

Lack of gratitude and appreciation – murders the heart

Dishonesty – murders the heart

Domination – murders the heart

Passivity – murders the heart

If you like…continue the list.

In our daily lives, these types of murders probably occur in our heads a few times in a day.

If each of us were tried and sentenced according to the murderous acts that are carried out in our heads/hearts, we might have to be sent to prison several times a day.

Hate - Murders the heart
Expectations - Murders the heart
Apathy - Murders the heart
Anger - Murders the heart
Inertia - Murders the heart

What we do not realise is that as we mentally or emotionally "kill" someone in our head or hearts, we are also killing our own hearts in return. 

Negative thoughts always begat the death of positive thoughts.

Nothing kills humanity more than negativity.

As we dispense violence and hate onto people around us in our every-day lives, we think that we are disposing of "bad rubbish" from our lives. However, we may also run the risk of assassinating all that is good and positive in ourselves.

I know it is not easy to shield ourselves from someone else's emotional or mental attack on us. Sometimes, we are left paralysed with fear or crippled with emotional/mental wounds.

It is not easy to NOT be engulfed by all the negative emotions that someone may put us through or throw at us. It is not easy to shake off the lack of their love, care or kindness. Sometimes, an escape may not even be possible.

However, we do have a choice. WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.

We do not need to be pulled into someone else's vortex of negative emotions and thoughts. Their deadly emotional or mental storms need not eat us up IF we do not allow it.

We can refuse to be dragged into it. 

We can learn to disassociate ourselves from their negativity.

We need not be driven to commit any further negative acts or thoughts just because they are doing it. 

In time, we can even learn to drawn them into our world of peace.

A relationship may end, for whatever reason - but the people involved need not "die a horrible death" or be "murdered" in the emotional or mental sense. 

What we are choosing to dispose of is really the negativity that has been ruling the relationship. 

No one deserves to be imprisoned in a negative relationship or a relationship with a violently negative individual.

When we truly understand how we do not want to be used, disposed of or remotely experience any pain and suffering, we would truly exert more effort in not doing the same to those around us.

When we value love, respect and kindness - we would take the time to treat others with such. 

Then, in time, we each would become a source of peace as well as love.

Most people think of love as romantic love. However, I think that love is all encompassing and applies to all of humanity. When this love dies, the heart dies. 

To me, Love is the oxygen that fuels humanity.

Peace to all!

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