Still, I just want to feel a sense of you...(Poem)

Here lies the secret that no one knows
The very root of my joy and pain
It grows higher than any tree can touch the sky
It runs deeper than any mind can hide
It is the same wonder 
That is keeping the stars apart


I'd give anything just to have a day -
One more day 
To spend with you
Nothing more 
Nothing less


Only to have the chance to speak this simple truth -

By my own doing, 

I have failed so miserably

Not to realise just how much 

You truly mean to me

I was a child

A terribly spoilt immature child

Who knew nothing of value

Yet you understood and just allowed me to grow

At my own time and pace

Into the person I am today

I wish you were here to see

How that horrid little weed

Is blossoming into a half-decent flower 

Right at this moment

For this better part of me

Is the one I'd like to give to you

My darling -

I carry you in my heart
I carry your heart in my heart
Wherever I go, I bring you with me
In my thoughts, tucked safely in a place
Named: SWEETEST MEMORIES


This is all I can do now
For the truth is far too cruel
I know I can never be with you


You lie somewhere in an unmarked grave
And to this day, I still don't know where 


Not been given a chance to say goodbye
Not even just to say, THANK YOU 
FOR BEING THE BEST AND GREATEST FRIEND


No one understands me as completely and thoroughly as you did
No one ever could
I guess among all the things I miss the most
This is one of it
It has not been the same since you left this earth
The empty space between past and present
Has grown into an impossible hole
That no one else can fill


It has been 12 years and counting
And yet the wound still feels fresh and new
As if I have lost you all over again


Could this be the reason why I cannot love again?
Or perhaps I just don't want to?


I have never been good at dealing with loss and death
I hate every single thing about it
It robs everything and everyone I adore from me


Wherever you are now, my dearest heart
May you truly know this
That I did love you
And I am sorry I never had the chance to tell you


Goodbye, my dearest precious friend
I am going to let you go now
Thank you for keeping me company in all this time
May we see each other again in another life.