DAY FORTY-SEVEN: Thursday, 6th May 2010
I find myself constantly tired and in need of sleep.
Also, I become forgetful when I am exhausted.
That is the nagging side effect of lack of sleep – fatigue and forgetfulness. What a bummer!
I can totally use an AVATAR of myself. Now we can appreciate and understand why the Buddhas emanate in many various forms too! Wish I could do that too.
It’s going to be almost a month I have been living without a maid. Yup, come 10th May, it will be exactly a month.
Oh yes, that is an achievement in itself.
Especially coming from someone who is totally so "un-accomplished" such as myself.
I guess, now is the time that I am seriously building-up my own resume.
Who would have thought that my life actually starts at 40?!
By the way, I had my very first Chinese lesson today.
Boy, the Chinese Tutor finally realises that she has her work cut out for her. Haha.
She says, “But you can speak fairly well.”
Err..that is because for the little that I know how to pronounce, I made sure that I have learnt to do them well. But if anyone speaks to me for more than 10 minutes in Chinese, they will soon discover what a fake I am.
Imagine, I am a fake Chinese. HAHA
So, we started our lessons in things that will interest me so that I will be very motivated to learn the words well.
And the tutor exclaimed, “Wow, you are so deep into spirituality and philosophy. This is the most unusual class I have taught.”
Little does she know, it is just the beginning of a very beautiful learning experience.
So, I look at what lies ahead of me – with the looming deadline of first week of July to begin filming in China. I swallowed hard and asked her if she could come twice a week. She said, yes.
Thank you, Buddha!
Anyhow, this is my DAY FORTY-SEVEN :-
No. Of Prostrations: 70 (Now I am paying forward too)
Daily Sadhanas: Check and Done with Death Meditation and Dzambala Mantra.
Physical Exercise: zero time
Daily Reflection from "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?" – Here we go. I close my eyes and I picked out page 119.
Quote from Page 119 for Day Forty-Seven:
“Accept that things have to go, accept that things have to change, accept that things have to degenerate, accept that all things DO NOT BELONG TO YOU eventually.”
Personal Thoughts and Feelings:
I know what you are thinking because it is the very same thing that I am thinking – easier said than done!
I have always hated changes – especially when things break down in my home, oh, that really drove me up the wall and I would end up driving myself and everyone else crazy too.
I also hated the fact that things do not last as well as they should – even people. Sigh, wish I could have a robotic maid. But I am sure even then, that robot can malfunction.
CHANGE is the order of life.
And change was something, is something that completely disrupted/disrupts mine.
When I turn on my air-con, I expect it to be emitting out cold air each and every time. I do not like it when it has leaks and what-have-you.
When I come back home, I expect to see that everything stayed the same way as I left it, not that the light bulb has burst or the fridge had totally gone bad and everything is melting away, creating a mini pool in the apartment.
I particularly hate it when I am always seemingly late these days, even when I try my best to wake up early or leave early. And I used to punctual as TAX DAY.
There is always something coming up and popping up at the very last minute! Oh, I really hate that. I can’t stand last minute stuff.
And to top the icing on this hate-list cake – I especially abhor and utterly detest when things do not stop happening and keep flowing into my already very filled-to-the-brim, spilling out IN-TRAY.
I do not handle a flood of things coming at me, all at the same time well. Uh-uh – not well at all. You will see a very different side of me when this happens. I am a wreck, and I cause wreckages everywhere I go.
I like the fact when I flick a switch, it is sure to turn on and it actually works. Ooooh, I like it a little too much if I could flicker a switch and all these things would disappear as well!
Yes, and I really wish that I could do that same thing to people too. Ok, may be, just some people.
We are all the same. We hate it when things go wrong and we hate it when our expectations are not met.
Expectations are a real silent killer, aren’t they? Silent on the outside, deadly noisy within.
Attachments are the worst of all.
I am still battling my deep attachment to my bed or just to wanting to sleep-in. It is a constant struggle albeit in smaller dosage these days. But it still creeps up on me, from time to time.
So, I should just breathe in and out and remind myself, LET IT GO.
Life happens, and this is all part of life.
Unless of course I seriously do not want to live anymore.
But that’s not an option any longer.
I have things to complete, and I started too darn late in life. So, I better bloody catch up and make up for all the lost time! And quit whining while I am at it!
WE DO NOT STOP BECAUSE THINGS ARE EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
WE DO NOT GIVE UP BECAUSE IT IS HARD AND CHAOTIC.
If we did, then we should stop living altogether. Stop earning a living, stop learning, stop everything.
So, shut up and get on with it, Shirley!
Super sonic speed mode – now activated.
Ok, now, where's my double shot expresso?