DAY FIFTY-TWO: Tuesday, 11th May 2010
I have never been poorer than I am now.
I feel that I am living from hand to mouth.
Little does anyone know but I have to pay off so many bills and whatever extras I have left, I rather give it to Kechara.
But even I know that I am to blame for my current state because I am the one who created the causes for me to land in this situation now. So, there is nothing more that I can say nor should I complain. Hence, creating the causes is something very real. The results do come and bite us in the end, if it is bad. If it is good, then it comes to reward us in the end.
We do not realise it, but every day we are creating the causes for a certain future for ourselves to manifest.
For me, I am already putting on all the brakes on how I spend my money. I am creating another future for myself. One that does not see me living from hand to mouth and hopefully, relatively smaller bills to pay.
As of now, I can’t even remember the last time that I had bought myself a new dress. The last treat I gave myself was doing my hair, but even that is for the media work I have to personify.
There is the real me or the normal me, and there is the “media me”.
And yes, I always talk about the “media me” as a third person because in many ways it is hard to imagine that we are one and the same.
Also, it helps me not to get it into my “easily inflated head” that I am this or I am that, and that the “media me” is so highly important.
A resounding NO.
The “media me” is a job that I have to do in order to achieve the things I need to achieve. But to say that she is all of me, would be untrue. And to say that I am completely unlike her is also untrue.
I am not sure if I am explaining myself properly here. I hope all of you are able to understand me somehow.
In a sentence, I do not think the “media me” is anything special. She is just a media profile. Even when the day comes that she happens to be super famous, she will still be just a media profile, to me.
The one who is truly special is one who created her in the first place.
Oh, it is not me – at least, not all me.
The real creator is my Guru and all those people who helped her to get through every stage and every level.
A personality or celebrity does not arrive on his or her own. (Not that I am one yet. hehe) So, don’t be fooled. A lot of people work very hard behind the scenes to make it possible for them to embody that status. There is a whole entourage that keeps "personalities and celebrities" where they are – from the publicists, the managers, the stylists, etc.
The day that “media me” becomes someone special and earns my respect is when she uses her fame for greater good. And that is exactly what I am waiting or working hard to accomplish.
For now, the “media me” is someone I have to wear when I go out. That is all.
Here is my DAY FIFTY-TWO :-
No. Of Prostrations: 35
Daily Sadhanas: Check and Done with Death Meditation and Dzambala Mantra.
Physical Exercise: no time – it is all work, work, work
Daily Reflection from "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?" – Here we go. I close my eyes and I picked out page 067.
Quote from Page 067 for Day Fifty-Two:
“If people react negatively to you, and you react in the same way, then you are just the same as them. But, you say, they started it. Yes, they did but you continued it.
What is the difference?”
Personal Thoughts and Feelings:
I think it is safe to say that most people do not think or even believe that they are wrong, as long as they did not start it.
They completely remove themselves from blame and responsibility when they convince themselves that they were just defending themselves by the virtue that they did not start it.
So, I am going to pose this question to everyone:-
“Who will we honour and thank – regardless of who started the FIRE, would we actually applaud the one who allows the FIRE to CONTINUE and SPREAD or the one who actually STOPS the FIRE altogether?”
I think the answer is obvious.
We always thank and remember those who saves lives and helps. Like the heroic Firemen. They certainly never ever start the fires that they rush to put out and sometimes, they get burnt by the fires too. So, they even risk their own lives in wanting to save the lives of others.
So, is there really any difference when we allow ourselves to continue in any negative way towards anyone or anything?
In truth, and this may hurt a little - we are just as guilty when we continue, and we are just as accountable for all the mess.
Stop playing the victim when we are not, because the real victim is really dying, where as we are just adding to the fuel and causing death to others around us, inclusive of our own self.
Yes, don’t start.
Better yet, do not add on and continue.
Stop the fire, save lives and friendships.
That would be much more valuable in the end.
No one needs to get burnt at all in the first place.