Friday, April 9, 2010

DAY 18: FINDING INNER PEACE with what we already HAVE

DAY EIGHTEEN: Wednesday, 7th April 2010

I can’t believe it! I slept for more than 12 hours! That’s a huge record breaker for me.

I must be really unwell to be so knocked out!

Usually, I do not sleep beyond 5 hours. And 5 hours is considered a real luxury for me. I usually clock in about 4 hours’ sleep on average.

I am very light sleeper, which means I wake up at the drop of a pin or at the mere sound of a fart.

I am also adverse to any movements made in the bed, which is why I sleep alone. Except on days when my daughter stays with me, and yes, she would sleep with me.

However my darling girl is not as small as she used to be, so she takes up 3/4 of the bed while I am lying at the edge of the bed, barely hanging on. Actually, let me re-phrase that. She had always taken most of the bed, regardless of how small she was. Over the years, I have been well trained by my daughter, not to fall off the edge of the bed!

What can I say – our kids possess such skills in training us to work around them and change our lives or ways around them.

And I have to say that if I did not have my daughter, I would be a very different person indeed! She taught me how NOT to think of myself first and foremost. She taught me how to care for someone else. And she trained me how to serve someone else – without having a bitch fit.

It helps that she is so super cute and funny. She really cracks me up.

So, in here, today, I have to really thank my daughter for coming into my life, and teaching me how to love.

I am very grateful and thankful for her, and to her. Some day, when she is much older, she can read this for herself and remember how her mother truly values her.

And yes, I don’t care how bad of a sleep I might get because she is still sleeping with me. Most of my friends are already chasing their children away to sleep in their own rooms. But I am happy that my darling baby still enjoys sleeping with me. I’ll take that for as long as it lasts, because after this – everything will be different.

Every phase is always different. This is why we must enjoy each stage as it comes. Before you know it, they are already all grown up and ready to take over the world as the next generation of leaders.

This is my DAY EIGHTEEN :-

Weight: 54 kg (It was just too good to be true...sigh)

No. Of Prostrations: 30

Daily Sadhanas: Check and Done with Death Meditation and Dzambala Mantra.

Physical Exercise: Back into full swing on 9th April 2010.

Daily Reflection from "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?" – Here we go. I close my eyes and I picked out page 055.

Wow, very lovely pictures. If you do have this very book, please turn to this very page and see the beautiful pictures that our fellow Dharma sister took. Her name is Fang C. Chang. A very talented graphic designer and photographer too, as it seems!

Quote from Page 055 for Day Eighteen:

“Not getting revenge is a true sign of inner peace and strength. Deception, stealing and lying are causes for small-scale wars that lead to the loss inner peace for others and ourselves.”

Personal Thoughts and Feelings:

Short and sweet, but truly powerful.

Would you believe that lying was once my most natural gift? My most treasured addiction, to be exact.

I don’t even have to think about it. It just comes on so effortlessly and flawlessly.

Yes, I could look into your eyes and tell you a straight, big, fat lie! And I would not even blink.

Rinpoche said that when our habituations become too ingrained in us, it becomes like a natural reflex. That is NOT a good sign or a good thing.

And that could very well be my case.

It is not that I needed to lie about anything in the first place, but I just did so like it was as normal as drinking a cup of coffee – automatically. As if telling the truth was just totally against my religion.

Yup. That was then. These days, I really have to catch myself and watch what I am saying.

I have been "lie-free" for over 2 years now.

And my love for fabricating stories are now largely limited to my literary realm. And I like having them in here, because in here, I can just make up any story and it is designed to humour, entertain and amuse the audience. It does not wound anyone and it does not yield any bad results, except of course, you mean how bad the writing is, or the spelling, grammar....well, I did not say that I was a good writer. I just said that I enjoy making up stories! Hahaha

Anyhow, I find that when my conscience is not so burdened with so many lies, guilt and stories to remember and keep track of because I could be found out, I am very much stress-free.

It is much easier to breathe and take in all that makes up the simplicity of the soul. I also sleep better at nights, just wished I could sleep a little longer. That would be a nice treat for a change.

In any case, the thing about inner peace – it begins with you. And from you, it extends to everyone else that you come into contact with.

I know it is not easy. Hell, nothing great is ever that easy. But do we abandon because it is difficult, or do we become better people by going through the very difficulty itself - head on?

I believe, you already know the answer as I also know my own answer.

In life, we are not that different – you and I.

We just live in different countries, practise different religions, speak different languages and are accustomed to different ways of doing things, but the heart is the same.

We just want happiness for our children, for ourselves and may be a little peace here and then, once in a while would be nice too.

And here, I am referring more to the peace in our hearts.

So, may you truly have the peace you seek in your heart and may you share it from your heart with all around you. That would be very lovely, don't you think?

Until tomorrow then, ciao!

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