DAY SEVENTEEN: Tuesday, 6th April 2010
The joke is on me.
I fell ill. Started with non-stop sneezing, which I detest a great deal. Wish I could disconnect from my nose from my face, and only re-attach it to my face after it decides to behave itself.
Then the headaches began so stealthily, sneaking up on me like a no good thief!
Eyes began itching so much that I wish I could remove them altogether and give them a proper lashing before putting them back on.
Yes, if only I could!
Then, the cherry on the cake is the full blown FEVER.
You know, I hate having the cold, runny nose and sneezing. I really hate it so so much!
They say that our hearts actually stop beating when we sneeze.
I believe I hate it so much because it is beyond my control. It completely irritates me because I cannot stop it. I can only wait until it sneezes itself out.
So, these days, I just say; “ Yea, go ahead, knock yourself out!”
And I would end up sneezing like 6 times in a row, before kindly giving me a 3 minute rest and then it starts all over again.
I also hate how I look when I sneeze, by the way.
Ask no more.
So, I had to text Jamie and tell her that I cannot make it to the Tara Puja this evening. I could hardly keep my eyes open when I was texting her.
I was hoping that I could be well enough to attend, actually.
But no – bloody nose!
The other thing that bothers me – how is it that such a small vessel on one’s face can store or produce so much gunk?!
Yea, that slimy, whitish or sometimes yellowish mush that comes out of your nose.
I think with the amount of tissues I had to go through, I must have killed a dozen trees.
Anyhow, I took my meds and fell asleep from 4pm to 7pm.
What a total waste of a day!
But one thing that was definitely different though – guess what?
While all these bitching was going on inside my head, I still smile and kept my composure.
I didn’t bark, scream, growl or glare at anyone.
If you saw me, you wouldn’t even have guessed that I was really yelling inside my head – to my nose, of course.
In any case, I managed to behave completely opposite from the conversations playing out in my head.
And in the end, I just relented and said to my head, “Just shut up and take it in. You take it all so that others do not have to and just be very honoured that you are chosen to bear this on behalf of others because most of the time, you did very little for others. So, this is another fine thing you can do for others and SMILE. BIG SMILE.”
So, I shut up.
And my nose was much relieved.
This is my DAY SEVENTEEN :-
Weight: 53.5kg (good girl, just stay right there for now)
No. Of Prostrations: 30
Daily Sadhanas: Check and Done with Death Meditation and Dzambala Mantra.
Physical Exercise: Not a chance when I can’t even breathe properly.
Daily Reflection from "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?" – Here, it is. My eyes are closed my eyes and I picked out page 109.
Quote from Page 109 for Day Seventeen:
“The people who complain, have difficulties, who are bitchy and problematic, the people who don’t transform, and the people who create gossip and problems – forgive them, love them, transform them by your example, and give them hope and courage by your persistence and effort of not giving up. Do not criticise, gossip, talk about them, write about them or say things about them, but in response to their harm, give them benefit.
The secret is to accept people as they are and not what you have mentally made them into – as monsters or as angels. All monsters are wrongly afflicted perceptions. And so are all angels.”
Personal Thoughts and Feelings:
*Shirley takes a deep breath*
I am sorry, nose. I sincerely apologise. I should not blame you for anything or yell at you.
You have always been a good nose. Well, without you, I probably cannot breathe right in the first place.
So, I am truly and deeply sorry for always blaming you.
You are not wrong, and I am not right.
Yes, this is all an analogy for something much bigger and wider...if you get my drift.
In fact, it encompasses all of our lives. May even sum up the reality of our everyday life.
Yes, it is just too easy to spit venom at those who have wounded us through words and actions. Yes, it feels so darn good when we are doing it. And yes, we feel it is justified. Totally. Because we are the victims.
But I want you to think about this instead – if we are truly the victim, then by hitting back in whatever way or form, how do we show our children the prime example of what it means to be a hero, a saviour, an inspiring role model? Or should that be someone else's job yet again? Someone more qualified, perhaps?
How do we even begin to inspire the rest, especially our own kids, to just become better, when every chance we have, or every opportunity that we get, to lead by example, we choose to be the vengeful victim’s role? Why?
Here, I would like to use one of my favourite quotes, and it is from my dearest Life Teacher on Poverty in the Philippines, Mr. Tony Meloto of the NGO: Gawad Kalinga.
“Never stop hoping for your country. Never stop caring for your people. Inspire greatness from yourself, as a Filipino in order to inspire greatness in all other Filipinos.”
This applies to us all, despite of our age, race, culture, creed and country.
So, please think about that each time when you are so tempted to hit back or bark back, or do anything worse.
We all should start being shining examples of humanity, not the lesser half.
The time for us to shine is now.
Because we can!
Courage is not the absence of fear, as love thrives not in the absence of hate - it is in spite of all these.
Thank you so kindly for your patience, while I play catch up with my blog posts.
Mother Tara, so sorry for missing your Puja today.
Please continue to bless us all and teach us all to love and have courage in spite of hate and fear.
May we all blossom into the very virtues and attributes that we hold dearly and are inspired by.
Good night and sleep well.
Tomorrow is a good day to begin something better and wiser.