DAY TWENTY-ONE: Saturday, 10th April 2010
I am really mentally and emotionally DRAINED today.
It feels like a long turbulent marriage has come to an end.
It just feels like it, that’s all.
Part relief, part sadness, part uncertainty.
In any case, I have been expecting this day to come.
But I myself did not want to end it earlier, for fear that I could not cope and I wanted the easier way for myself to play out as long as possible.
Yup, still attached.
I guess, the Buddhas made the BEST and RIGHT choice for me.
You must be wondering what I am going on about here.
I am talking about my maid – she packed her bags and just ran off earlier today.
But she did leave a note and was kind enough to clean the place first, took out the garbage and even did the laundry.
She has been with me for over 7 years so it is not surprising that she has finally snapped!
Seriously though, I just hope that she is really much better off now and happier.
I am sure it was a nightmare of sorts for her as well.
As many as there are horror maid stories, there are just as many employer horror stories. It just never ends.
In any case, I truly wish her well and hope that she is safe.
I would like to also take this opportunity to thank her from the depths of my heart. It has not been an easy 7 years, but it was also not all bad.
Personally, I learnt a great deal - especially, in seeing life from the other side of the mirror.
The time has come for things to be stripped off me, and to fracture my 'comfortably crafted' world.
I may not have exercised this choice fast enough on my own, but now that it is done for me, I sincerely fold my hands and give thanks.
Sometimes it takes such things to occur for us to truly grow.
And it’s time for me to grow my own wings now.
Or else, I'll never learn how to fly.
I need to fly far and high for KWPC - Kechara World Peace Center.
For now, here is my DAY TWENTY-ONE :-
Weight: Forgot to weigh (I am sure I am still at 54kg. Haha)
No. Of Prostrations: 30
Daily Sadhanas: Check and Done with Death Meditation and Dzambala Mantra.
Physical Exercise: 35 minutes
Daily Reflection from "IF NOT NOW, WHEN?" – Here we go. I close my eyes and I picked out page 097 .
Quote from Page 097 for Day Twenty-One:
“When someone tells you something you do not like, push yourself to listen. Push yourself to be open. Push yourself to change your habit of closing people out.
Gymnasts, lazy people, complainers and successful people have all practised to be what they are good at. So if you keep practising being lazy, you will be lazy. If you keep practising complaining, you will always complain. If you practise compassion, generosity, patience, working hard and having a bigger vision, you will become better at it with time because you will create the causes to become better.
You are practising to become better.”
Personal Thoughts and Feelings:
I love this quote.
It resonates with everything I have been reflecting on for this past few weeks.
Today’s event is another testament that it’s time for me to discard things which will further my habituation – my bad habituation.
And even if I do not want to consciously and deliberately break away from them because I am still so attached, it will be done for me.
This is what I call the Grace of the Buddhas.
So, how can I be upset and complain?
This is the best way forward.
I am truly humbled beyond words.
Now, I know many of you may not really understand what I am saying here. May be it is best that way.
But for those who do, and have an idea of what I mean here, then just be happy for me.
I just cleaned and mopped my whole apartment. Something I have not done in years.
It was very good to sweat like this and know that I can still continue just the same.
Once again, thank you for logging each day and reading.
Have a lovely evening.